The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
While participating in the nightmare weekend but in a detached way. I found that I was working my program and I was doing fine but on no it wasn't to last. Im feeling that old familiar dis-ease and I'm trying to work out what is going on with me. It could be:
Im denying my feelings about what happened to my son and they are just below the surface coming out in ways I don't like - like being crabbit with people at work and snappy with everyone really.
Maybe I havent been focusing on my program work - readings, steps etc.
I am looking for someone or something to obsess over in order to take away my fears and anger.
I have not taken any time to think the whole thing through and get to acceptance with this.
I may have returned to my routine too quick thinking I wont let anything stop me from living my life but actually I maybe needed some time to work through this.
Im feeling a bit overwhelmed, not only with this whole thing with my son but Christmas is coming and it always makes me nervous, drinkers love to drink at this time of the year, My Mum died this month nine years ago and I do always feel a little emotional.
I just want to get back to that level my program can give me, help please.x
(((elcee) When I begin to feel this way, I remind myself to "keep it simple". I can get going like a hamster in the wheel and those old feelings and ways of being come rushing back in...they wait for opportunities. I am having some old stuff in my space today, too. I keep telling myself to stay in the present moment, stay in the present moment, stay in the present moment and then comes the stay in the present moment, damnit
And I want to say, I am sorry for your losses, they make this time of year particularly sorrowful.
-- Edited by PP on Thursday 5th of December 2013 12:51:36 PM
Hello Elcee, I hope the high winds have not buffeted you to much today. My mum passed away five years ago tomorrow and I've felt as though I want to run for the hills in the first week of December ever since then. Awareness helps me to keep a bit of balance but my emotions do like to make themselves noticeable none the less. I also do the 'looking for something to obsess over' dance - and I like your addition of 'to take away my fears or anger'. I guess it is a sign that I just need to sit and meditate and ask 'how am I with this' - and that little realisation has taken me 50 plus years. Better late than never! I love and admire the clarity of your post here - such a brilliant list of things to look out for and so clearly expressed. My efforts to identify what is going on normally involve a lot of mumbling and end up as clear as mud! Hope you feel better tomorrow xx
-- Edited by milkwood on Thursday 5th of December 2013 02:13:52 PM
Very windy today, I lost a few tiles from the roof. Milkwood, your dog looks like a polar bear, gorgeous.x
I think I will take your advice and do a bit of meditation, listen for that small voice within.x
