Hello. My name is Renee and I am codependent. - Al-Anon Family Group

Naydel · Newbie

Hello. My name is Renee and I am codependent.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Rene and welcome to the board. You made it to your first meeting and got woke up just like I and many of the members here did. New words and new terms and different confusing ideas and perceptions came rushing at me along with the merciful lesson "We didn't get here overnight and we won't get over it overnight either" Sit back...listen with an open mind, learn, practice, practice, practice. The most powerful phrase was "Keep coming back" and I did/do. There are other phrases that also help us describe what we've done often times subconsciously..."enabling". Still you won't get it over night...just relax and join us. ((((hugs)))) smile

Gaby · Senior Member

Hello Renee.. I too am a codependent mom to an active addict son. It took me 1 year to realize what I did for my son to help him not get better. My story now is a bit different then your. I have now my son not talking to me and he has many times told me to let him go and maybe he will learn his own recovery with out me because I am over bearing. We love our addict but hate what there disease has done to our family.. Keep coming back. God bless..

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Renee. None of us are codependent. We are human beings who learned to play a role. Roles can be unlearned. Al-Anon will help you do that. We use the term codependency - a phrase coined in 12 step groups - but that word doesn't describe a person - just a role, a mask, a false self. You are a woman learning what it means to live freely, joyfully, and serenely again. Welcome to MIP.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hey Rene and welcome

I think growing up w/ alcoholism or any dysfunction and/or marrying into it creates codependency in the child growing up w/it or the non drinking/using spouse....

it kinda (CODA) goes with the territory....glad u had a meeting, hope u make it regular along w/working the steps and all the other program goodies which will help you become whole and way more healthy.......

OH...welcome to alanon

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Renee, welcome to MIP.
I agree with Grateful - we don't have to be defined by a label and we can choose which elements of our life we enjoy and what we might need to change. I never imagined that life would be such a learning curve but beginning to learn about ourselves can be a fun (and sometimes challenging!) lesson. Glad to have you with us.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP....you will find much wisdom and love here. I love G2B's words about co-dependency; nothing more to add right now! Keep coming back aww

Naydel · Newbie

I realize that it is a label... Just never realized that I was wearing it. I THOUGHT I was doing what I was supposed to do and needed to do. I was the picture perfect ideal of tough love. I thought I was helping my husband reach his rock bottom, I was doing everything that I could do to make sure that I wasn't enabling him (or my idea of what that supposed to be). I kicked him out. I changed the locks. He lost his job. He lost his truck. He had nothing. I learned that that was just another desperate attempt at me gaining control over the situation. It's a journey. I'm ready to make the trip. Thank you all for helping me prepare.

SpiderArcana · Senior Member

Welcome Renee,

Something that helped me tremendously through all of this (along with counseling) was reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I can't recommend this book enough for helping to put my own issues into perspective and arming me with awareness and techniques for dealing with it all. You'll find some wonderful support here, and remember to keep the focus on you. Namaste.

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Renee-You are in the right place for help, support, and understanding. I have been codependent with several partners, my current A spouse, my son, and that's just to name a few. I'm getting tremendous help from alanon. Try it-you may like it, ALOT! Lyne

sadsusie · Senior Member

Hi Lynn,

Welcome to Alanon. There is lots of love and support here. and healing. I am also codependent. frankly I like having a term for this disease that have had since childhood which has progressed along side of my AH's disease. For me it is a compulsive disorder my brain has thought a certain way for so long it is hard to stop. and just like in Alanon I am learning to let go and let God, in Coda I am reminded that I have a compulsion to respond unhealthily to my surroundings, this idea (of it being compulsive) frees me in a sense. I can forgive myself for not being able to get off the wrong track. Forgiving myself was an important part of my healing. Practice makes progress for me. Some days I feel like I have breakthroughs, some days I wonder what the heck happened. lol. This is what I have saved on my phone.it goes hand in hand with step one. I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable (alanon)

This is from a CODA handbook (I hope its ok)
"in this moment I do not have to control anyone, including me.
And if I feel uncomfortable with what another person is doing or not doing, I can remind myself that I am powerless over this person and I am powerless over my compulsion to act in inappropriate ways"

I am powerless over everything but myself and usually I can have some control over myself IF.. I am working the program. I give myself the freedom from blame if I go off the deep endbecause I have a disease. BUT the program is my medicine. I have learned to let go, I have learned to think about my life and surroundings in a different way. it also helps me to think of my higher power having control over me( If I let him) this concept helps me to surrender

Lots of love to you ((hugs))

Tricia911 · Senior Member

Welcome Renee,

Come in make yourself at home. You have many here who will understand some of what you are going through. You will find much comfort and education right here on this site.

Tricia

-- Edited by Tricia911 on Sunday 8th of December 2013 06:30:43 PM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.