The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I called the sle place where my son is and the house parent said he was worried about him he did not sleep all night. I choked up. Because I already know certain signs. He said my son has not been there all day. I believe I need to stop checking on my son. I'm driving myself crazy. I know my som had no phone. Even if he did I don't want to call but then I do. I went to my meeting last night and had met some parents going through the same as I am. I know I am powerless and my son has had some sobriety that he knows what he can do to get back where he needs to be. I am just scared and worried..
I have been where you are. I know those feelings and the compulsion to call and check up on my son. I was making myself crazy with fear and worry and imagining the worst. I finally decided that I couldn't live that way anymore. All the enabling - going to my son's rescue time and again. And it didn't change a thing. Yes - I still worry and wonder how my son is doing but I have set my boundaries.
He will drink or not. I have no control. I can only pray that he starts making some smart choices that lead him to the road of recovery.
It's hard, believe me I know all too well how it hurts a mother's heart.
I go through those times, too, Gaby, but they are short-lived in comparison to many years ago. Feeling scared and worried got old after awhile. One day, I just got up and decided - enough of that. I started attending to my own life. My son kept using and bumping around in life, but I kept attending to my own life. I had to find something in life to live for other than my kids. I decided that I just didn't want to be depressed, sad, worried or compulsive about my kids anymore. There was absolutely no point in it. It changed nothing. I simply can't control the length of my kids' lives on earth or how they spend the length of their lives no matter how much I care about them, worry about them, or chase after them in my mind, my heart or my body. I'm simply not in control of anything other than what I do with my own life. I forget that sometimes, but I have old timers in the fellowship who remind me of it when I forget. I'm so grateful to them for that. I refuse to spend the rest of the time I have left on this earth with my head buried in a pillow, my heart crushed under sadness and angst, and my thoughts focused on mentally throwing my children into early graves when they are very much alive. I used to do that - mentally throw them into graves as if that would stop it if it were to happen - but I don't anymore or at least I catch myself mentally do it and focus my attention on what is truly happening and not what might happen.
I'm sure that with program work, Gaby, you are going to get through this and you are going to stop letting fear run you. If you're like me, one day you're going to get up and say, well, enough of this and you're going to get your clothes on and go out to garden, or to take a walk, or to frolic in the park with your daughter.
House manager is not a house parent. Probably just a turn of speech but its an important distinction gaby. He is too old for a house parent. Also, they lock them out of the house sometimes in the day because they are supposed to be out getting jobs and working. I know he's only 20 gaby but eventually you will be able to detach quicker and easier. His issues are not yours necessarily.
Sis if you have an ODAAT daily reader...give a gander to page 13...read and focus on it. That one was powerful for me when I was trying to break the obsession with my alcoholic/addict wife...who was my addiction. ((((hugs))))
I've learned that if I focus on my A, who by the way drinks and drives, I just sink into a dark hole. I feel depresses, obsessed, and helpless. Alanon is teaching me to focus on me and what I need to change. I can empower myself but no one else. If your son asks for help, that is a different situation. Be there for you, for today, Lyne
Hey Gaby...been there...done that.....then i ask me what is being scared and worried doing to help ME??? nothing...that is when i go into meditations and i do my chants and focus on my sound of my voice and feel my body and i can calm down..........hang in there.....sending you peace energy
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
'Feeling scared and worried got old after awhile. One day, I just got up and decided - enough of that. I started attending to my own life. My son kept using and bumping around in life, but I kept attending to my own life. I had to find something in life to live for other than my kids. I decided that I just didn't want to be depressed, sad, worried or compulsive about my kids anymore. There was absolutely no point in it. It changed nothing. I simply can't control the length of my kids' lives on earth or how they spend the length of their lives no matter how much I care about them, worry about them, or chase after them in my mind, my heart or my body. I'm simply not in control of anything other than what I do with my own life. I forget that sometimes, but I have old timers in the fellowship who remind me of it when I forget. I'm so grateful to them for that. I refuse to spend the rest of the time I have left on this earth with my head buried in a pillow, my heart crushed under sadness and angst, and my thoughts focused on mentally throwing my children into early graves when they are very much alive. I used to do that - mentally throw them into graves as if that would stop it if it were to happen - but I don't anymore or at least I catch myself mentally do it and focus my attention on what is truly happening and not what might happen.'
Thanks for this Grateful, I really needed to read this.x
-- Edited by el-cee on Thursday 5th of December 2013 03:37:35 PM
