The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I understand and accept that I have no control over my husband's drinking, but I think it's starting to seriously affect his health. The past several nights he's thrown up within a few minutes of eating. He thinks it's a stomach bug, but bugs don't last that long. I'd like him to go see the doc, but he doesn't have any time away from work. He might be able to go to one of the Little Clinics at Kroger or something, but if it's something serious they may not have the capabilities to help. I'm also pretty sure that if I bring it up and blame the drinking he'll just defensive. I also don't think he'll be honest with any doctor about how much he drinks, which won't help. I wish I could do something, but I don't think there's anything in my control or power to change. I was tempted to leave him a concerned letter with some information, but I feel like that's being...I don't know...wishy-washy? Maybe leaning too much on my manipulative side, or trying to scare him into stopping. Maybe I should just bring it up and have the fight and be done with it.
Advice welcome. I know alanon is all about my own recovery, and I'm working on myself and my own issues and letting him deal with his. But this is different. This could be a lot more serious than depression or low self-esteem, or hell, even our marriage. This could seriously harm him physically.
Detaching from having control does not mean avoiding reality. I don't see a problem with "I believe your drinking is causing your stomach problems. I know you probably don't want to see or admit that and I doubt you would be honest with a doctor about your drinking. I could be wrong of course. This concerns me though.You can do or not do whatever you want with this opinion, but I'm stating my concern honestly and out of love and not just nagging I won't bring it up again since I know you have listened and heard me."
Find your own words but detaching does not mean dance around the elephant in the room.
I believe alcoholics should have the dignity to make their choices but along with that comes real consequences. Kind of like..."you can be an adult and drink if you want but not then be childish and throw tantrums around that choice." Alcoholics claim the privelige of adulthood but then avois the adult responsibilities and discussion about the choice.
I see you have already gotten responses as to ways to handle it, I just wanted to tell you that you are righy to be taking notice. Throwing up was a symptom I noticed with my AH when his drinking was really getting heavy.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Bugger. I hate this. But you all are right - I cannot control the physical part any more than the other aspects of alcoholism. I mentioned this morning that he may want to go to the Little Clinic. I think I will (gently) remind him that he's at a much higher risk for big, nasty diseases and that's why this is worrisome to me. But I can't do anything about it, or make him do anything about it. *sigh* Serenity now!
