I went to the crisis - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I went to the crisis

gingerfizz · Veteran Member

Be kind to yourself. You made the best decision you could make in the moment. Progress not perfection.

Wounds heal.

This too shall pass. Turn it over to your HP. Your HP loves you and loves your son and will guide you both.

gingerfizz · Veteran Member

This has really helped guide me:

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Cathy)))))))) I am SO sorry.... I have no other words but to let you know that I am praying for you to have strength and for your son to reach out for help.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cathy))), it is ok that you did what you did....prayers for you and your son.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((Cathy))))))), you are a wonderful beautiful lady. Its ok to cry.

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, be gentle on yourself . when I enabled, I realized in recovery there were those times the enabling was unknowingly for me so that I would have some peace of mind .. it gave Me a break from the pain .. what I recognize today is Pain Discomfort Helplessness Powerlessness for the Alcoholic addict .. is a gift .. Even us .. Willingness comes through pain .. sometimes we get in Gods way and take away the very effects of the pain which is the very hidden gift that is meant to bring the alc to the awareness of the Need for Higher power .. either way, you are where you are and this is still part of the process of Learning the wisdom to know the difference .. boy I never knew wisdom was learned .. The process of learning about alcoholism to have a deeper learning of recovery is sometimes painful .. I'm sure you are having your share of learning .. just another layer .. they Never stop .. I hope things get better; keeping you both in prayer ..

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Cathy thinking of you and your son today. Hugs s ;)

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Lots of prayers for healing and hope, Cathy.

lgnutah · Senior Member

Thinking of you cathy

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy

You have compassion and concern for your son --- You are a MOM!!!

Prayers and positive energy on the way for you and your family.

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 1st of December 2013 06:34:15 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
(((Cathy))), it is ok that you did what you did....prayers for you and your son.

((((((((((((((Cathy))))))))))))))))))

I agree.....he was unable.....u dind't enable, you helped...simple as that.........please love yourself and take care of you..........Gingers graph is spot on............you HELPED.....u did not enable......

please , be easy on you.......what mom, what HUMAN would NOT have helped in this situation????? nobody i would want to talk to...........

Rose50 · Senior Member

(((Cathy)))

I would have done the same. Please go easy on yourself. You are both in my prayers.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember that he has doctors who know about his wound. He has people to help.

Crying is fine. It is your honest reaction to the situation. Maybe it will be useful feedback for him.

I find that the A's tend not to suffer the consequences of their actions (grief, fear, alarm). They tend to pass them on to other people and the people around them feel those emotions. Maybe it is time to give him back some of the emotions and give yourself some relief.

Hang in there. You're doing fine.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

He lost his keys? He could always contact his landlord for a duplicate set. Just an option to consider.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you much love, prayers and support right now!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Sweet Sister...recite the 3Cs. You didn't cause this, you can't control it and you won't cure it. You are Mom not Miracle Worker. I agree let the professionals do their work and take pictures he can carry with him. You're not alone...you haven't lost. ((((hugs)))) smile

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

We tried to call the landlord but they wouldn't answer. He came home with me tonight. He will go with me on my way to work tomorrow and wait outside until the office opens to get a new key. He won't have a key to the car....he only had one. I told him I'm done. I sick of this. He's on his own with a big deep open wound he must take care of or he could die for sure. He is on two heavy antibiotics and pain meds which I had to pay for because his insurance would not cover it. He let it lapsed.

He is to clean this wound every day ....pack it with gauge to keep it from healing from the outside....will he be able to do it. His body is dying...I can see it happening right before my eyes.

I also got in a argument with my SO and told him I'm leaving as soon as I can. I'm done with his crap too.

I want to go away and never come back.....

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

I'm so sorry you got sucked back in again Cathy. It seems these things always happen when we have taken a big step away. When I was in the same type of situation with my AH, I realized how ridiculous it is that you can't have people like this locked up against their will as they truly are incapable of taking care of themselves. Praying for you both.

Gaby · Senior Member

Cathy it is ok to help. I do not see any enable in this. Regardless what the situation maybe I believe I would do the same but I enabled.. I admit to all I have done to my son.. I bailed him out of a lot. Now he is telling me to let him go. So he is now in am SLE and I pray that this will help him get back on his own two feet and stop relying on me, but I need to stop enabling. And work on me. We are moms and we love our children. Regardless of age. My story though is I have to let go.. He has told me many times to let go and I will listen to him. Take care of you and prayers to you both.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You are carrying too much, Cathy. Be careful with your own health.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, please take care of you .. hugs s :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey you did what you felt was right at that moment. Plus you had a plan, did not leave it open and allow him to stay and suck you dry!

It is hard! I had to remember if I get him all healthy again, then they just are healthy enough to continue using.

Hey letting your emotions out is important.

Good for you grabbing your life back from the so. i am excited for you to get your own fun little place with your felines!

sending you lots and lots of love!! debilyn

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

{{{{{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}}}}}}}}

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Good morning, Cathy. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy --

sending strength...as you make your way through this...and you WILL. One minute at a time...

My counselor tells me that the stress of the situation is enough, no need to add the stress of beating on yourself too. You are one of us, God's children, and you are doing the best you can...with love and insight. Truly, what more can one expect?

Be kind to Cathy...she is a special soul. wink

RP

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Hang in there Cathy! We love you.

mm830 · Senior Member

You are doing what you can please be gentle with yourself, you are a mother what else would you do in this case? I am so sorry for your pain and your son and will keep you in my prayers. This truly is insanity, so very sad.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Be kind to you right now. Meditate sooth yourself and know that I understand and am sending my love.x

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

This I found out......and not by my son....he can't remember nothing what really happened

Somebody my son knows helped my son get to the hospital because he knew something was wrong. He had all my son belongings with him. My son just couldn't remember he was so out of it.

Now I can only pray he doesn't drink while on all this medication he's taking. This open wound is quite serious I guess and they leave it open to heal from the inside out. He needs to keep it clean, packed and covered. The hospital gave him enough dressings for about 10 days until he go's back to the surgeon.

I'm better today to have him back at his place and not on my doorstep. I left him sober and well fed.

Thank you everyone to pulling me through this. I made a mistake but I can pick it back up and continue on now.

(((( hugs ))))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy: You did what you needed to do for you. You needed to go tend to yourself, God love you. You didn't go to change him, finance his drinking or his life, talk him out of drinking again, lecture him or tell him how much he's hurting you with his problems. You went because you needed to go for you. That's the way I see it anyway. If I'm accurate about this, then please stop mentally beating up on my friend. She's been through enough. (((C)))

Rose50 · Senior Member

(((Cathy)))

You did what you thought was best... for you and your son. You are a strong woman. I understand, Thinking of you and sending prayers! We will get you through this crisis.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy (((((Cathy))))) I still think yu did the right thing for YOU as well..enabling is doign what they can do....a wound that size and not being able to get in his apt.....ok....we have our opinions, but we aint you

you did what you did for your feeling right.....AND u didn't move him in....u didn't do anything to enable that i can see......

please don't beat you up......and i am glad u r dumping the SO.....u need some relief......i always say i "pick my battles" and toss the other crap off me....let go....walk away.......

sometimes cutting things and people out is the best way we can survive......God might guide you or may give you a sign, but basically is hands off the stuff that is OUR job to do.....and even the stuff that is over our heads....sometimes we just gotta walk away........let the crap fall where it may.......life sucks but we can get into our life rythem if we take care of us, be loving, but let others take care of their own stuff as we take care of ours.......

sending you hugs of support

Tasha · Senior Member

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo glad that my Mother did not leave me for dead when the disease was so deep within me that I did not know HOW to not die. Letting someone get to a bottom is one thing. Letting them die is quite the other. It took 10 years for me to get to the rooms from that day my Mother drove me to the hospital with a blood infection when I was 23. I had to detox and fight for my life at the same time. They read me my last rights. I was scared enough to not drink for a couple years - and started ACOA counseling, but it took an entirely different kind of bottom for me to see that I was in fact dying inside (in more than a physical way) and didn't actually know how not to be.

Knowing everything I know now having lived in every possible aspect to alcoholism - with it, affected by it growing up, with another adult child, and with a father who still drinks to this day - I can tell you with out a doubt - I would have done EXACTLY what you did and never felt bad for a second... other than of course, that it ROYALLY SUCKS watching someone you love more than life, your own flesh and blood, sick and soul broken to the core :( I always said I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, to be the loved one or the one with it or whatever... but these days - I can't say that's entirely true because I wouldn't get this program with out it in my life, and I can honestly say that everything I went through and go through is/was worth it to have a life this beautiful and free from the bondage of self. I do love my life today all because of the 12 step programs... hmmmm. Much love and many hugs and prayers dearest one. You deserve happiness and good health, as does your son. Show him it's possible by showing YOU it's possible. We love you.

Katytexasmom · Veteran Member

You helped. It's hard to distinguish between helping and enabling. You helped. My opinion.

Hugs to you!

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