The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
is making a decision. Aloha no family and this post is a response to some of the shares I've been reading this morning; the ones where the member speaks of deciding to take an action which may or may not be appropriate and/or work out positively...of course the oldtimers know that often times when other people are involved even the outcome isn't in our control...Powerless still. I read and think of my journey and the teachers I have had, the superior sponsorship especially when I was thinking and feeling that "I just had to do something about it (the trouble with the alcoholic/addict I was having)." I didn't know what to do and I did know that it had beaten me at ever turn in the past and that was why I was sitting in the rooms of Al-Anon listening and learning what others had done under the same experience. I remember hearing, "Deciding not to decide is a decision" and after the first knee jerk reaction I realized that it was true along with my history for making decisions for myself which didn't come out well for me or others. The self doubt was finally healthy and so I decided not to decide and decided to simply throw myself into program, my recovery, my mental and spiritual health. I remember the practice of it. Once my alcoholic/addict calling my work and asking me "what have you decided about the marriage" I understood that she was leaving it up to me again...my enabling and I replied, "I'm focusing on better things right now, my recovery. Maybe later will be time, go ahead with your own plans", and I rang off courteously. What had happened to me? I was calm, courteous, assured, open and supportive of my alcoholic/addict and I remember all of the other realestate agents in the office looking at me and trying to listen because the call came thru the switchboard and they knew about the war I had been in with the disease. One of them behind me said just over his breath "Wow...war over" or something to that affect and he was right. If my habit is to make poor decisions I need to go ask for help and sit and listen to those with better experiences and skills. It's okay to not decide and often more healthy. Just sharing. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 1st of December 2013 01:14:48 PM
I always decide to turn it over and wait to hear the still small voice within That works. HP works slowly and gently and before I know it the issue is solved
I do remember waiting and believing that I could handle anything in an effort to maintain what "looked like a family for my son". The pain became unbearable and the small vooicewithin told me that unless I left, I would end up killing him. I left and after a short time he found sobriety.
The answers are different for each of us That is why it is so important to not give advise.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 1st of December 2013 02:31:08 PM
I was reminded often that it was OK not to decide, or give myself a timeline to decide, then, when the timeline came to an end, I could reevaluate and decide again not to decide; then set another timeline. In the meantime, however, I trusted the wisdom of oldtimers and my sponsor and had faith that working my program would help me do what was best for me. I remember my therapist telling me that without al anon/recovery, I was not strong enough to leave my marriage. I still trust the wisdom of this process, watch and wait for the right time to make the right decision. It works for me. Thanks for the post, Jerry.
Thanks Jerry - this is just what I needed to see tonight - AH has been asking similar questions of me today. I love the grace of your reply to your wife and having read it, I know it will serve me well in the next few days.
