The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
to everyone that expressed concern and well-wishes over my no-refrigerator situation.
Just a few days ago, my grandmother conveniently decided to upgrade to a new fridge, leaving her (perfectly good and relatively new) fridge free to a good home. She offered to buy me a new fridge several times and I declined because she isn't a rich lady. She's a wonderful, generous soul who still works hard in her old age and she has done more than enough for me over the years. So this was her sneaky way of doing it anyway lol. My parents are bringing it here next weekend. The deed is done now; there's no point protesting. They are all trying to pretend that it is a "wonderful coincidence". Lol, what a bunch of jokers.
I feel funny, accepting so much help from my family all of a sudden (my pride is having a FIT) but I am choosing to ignore that feeling because these are the people that really love my daughter and I. I know that they want to see us happy and the best thing I can do is accept the help right now when I really am struggling, and work my programme, take control of my life and be the best Melly, mother, daughter, and grand-daughter that I can be. I have pushed my family away for years because I was too proud and defensive to admit that I wasn't doing so well, and I wanted to prove that I could make it work with ABF. They grew tired of enabling me to enable him and I knew it and felt ashamed. They must sense some change in me because suddenly they are really spoiling me.
Also, since my parents so kindly came and helped me mow the back-jungle and do a few of the handy-man jobs that were really overwhelming me yesterday , I can devote some time this week to making the place look really nice and have a BBQ ready for them next weekend. I think they would enjoy that.
So, basically, yay!
Also, as it's latest trick, now that I have transferred all of the fridge-stuff into the fridge-temperature freezer, suddenly today, it froze and now all of my fruit and vegetables and cheese and whatnot are destroyed. I wonder if I can convince my stepdad to put this awful devils machine onto the trailer next weekend, drive it down the pier and help me push it off into the ocean? lol. Of course i wouldn't pollute our beach like that but it's a wonderful fantasy
Glad a new refrigerator is on its way to you, Melly. Also happy to see a new life has become yours. See, our program does work if we work it? ODAT we free ourselves of old attitudes and take on new. ODAT we learn to live and let live. ODAT we begin to appreciate and love ourselves again. Thanks for your candid and powerful share, sister. You continue to show the joys of recovery on our board.
Think of gifts like this in this way Melly - someday in your later life you will be in a position to give aid to someone in a situation, that person will be in dire need and not want to bother anyone or put anyone out; and you will KNOW what that feels like and find a way to help while preserving their dignity. Over six years ago someone gave me a car, not a fancy thing but they gave it to me, I still have it, spending a big chunk of money every couple years keeping it running - and I've never forgotten the dire need that prompted their gift or what it did for me then, and now. Residual feelings remain within me of how much that gift meant for me and did for me. I found a hundred dollar bill once last year - hunted for the owner amongst those I thought might have lost it - no one claimed it so I gave it to a worthy cause. Think what warmth your grandmother is experiencing - and hey, she gets a new fridge!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Over the last 3 years, I have accepted alot of help from my family. I was out of firewood the other night, and after Thanksgiving dinner, I drove the hour home, and at 9pm there was a knock on the door...my 80yo father had driven all that way here with a truckload of firewood. I have GREAT difficulty accepting help, because I have this TAPE in my head that I must never rely on anyone, and if I am not completely independent, I am a failure. Some of this is leftover from my relationship with my A, who would go into a rage when I would have car trouble, or needed help. I learned to do it all myself. I need to learn that sometimes, I need help. If the tables were turned, I would do the same. I NEVER take my family for granted, and I am not a user, so I have to make peace with the fact that they love me, and want to help out...and I'm not a failure for accepting help when I need it.
If you were my granddaughter, I would have done the same...there's ways around that pride of yours...hahahaha
Hey the HP wants us to be "cheerful givers AND be cheerful receivers" when we say "no" to a gift, we rob that giving person the joy the would have had giving...
glad u accepted the fridge.....you have some good folks in your corner......that is a blessing......i felt really sorry about all your meats defrosting, now i glad that the crisis is over and u will have a nice fridge........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Just now experience hope, and strength took on a new meaning for me... Thanks Mel 
