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I was thinking about how very fearful I am about...well, almost everything that normal people take for granted. I know WHY, a combination of PTSD and also being told repeatedly as a child that I mustn't do anything or touch anything because it wasn't SAFE for me to do anything or touch anything; I'd burn myself cut myself blow myself up fall make a mess blah blah blah. 2 of my brothers are the same, scared of EVERYTHING. I remember when my brother was 17 and he was chopping wood with my stepdad and my poor fearful mother came running, SCREAMING "TAKE THAT AXE OFF HIM, HE"LL CHOP HIS LEG OFF" lol. Well knowing why is great and all but it doesn't really change anything so I've started a list of all of the stupid things that I am afraid of and I'm going to try to tackle one of them every day.
My aunt was like me years ago, I remember, afraid of everything and then one day she left her husband and started doing awesome stuff like riding a motorbike, playing roller-hockey and all sorts of things that I have been jealous of for ages. Maybe I can work my way up to doing fun stuff like that.
So here are 2 things I couldn't do yesterday but I can do today...
-Trampoline. Wow, it's fun, I think I might try to get on there once a day; like Neshema said, what a great workout and a way to get my sillies out. I think daughter was very pleased with me too.
-Walk through rockpools and seaweed without shoes even though I have no idea what's hidden in there ready to bite my toes. Lol I must have looked so funny with my face screwed up but everyone else does it so time to stop being a wuss. The sea-weed phobia has to go. So I walked on squishy gross seaweed in bare feet all afternoon and nothing bad happened. My feet feel nice and smooth too; maybe I should rub my face on it next time lol
It's a start, lol. I think confronting all of this fear will do a LOT for me.
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Sunday 1st of December 2013 08:53:39 AM
I hear you. When working on my co-dependency, one of the activities was to re-read my journal and see what emotions I see most. Fear is easily number one. So I've started asking myself, 'What am I afraid of? Why the heck should I be afraid of anything? I've put up with so much, and I am a strong, independent, talented, smart chick. Hear me roar, and all that.' By being able to question my fear, it's not only allowed me to take back a lot of my life, but also speak up when I need to. My husband may not like it, but I'm bloody well saying what I want to say, and he will hear me. What he decides to do about it is his own thing.
You are absolutely right. Fear is at the heart of almost all of my codependant behaviours, I'm sure of it. I've put up with some truly horrific nonsense from this guy (and others) because I am afraid of being abandoned. Terrified of it. Yet the situation has been so, so miserable and the fear of being left by someone who is just a complete and utter JERK to me is so very absurd. I guess it's just an ingrained, learnt response....sort of like, when the dog runs off down the street and is being naughty, I can hold up his leash and yell out "come on Bowie, let's go for a walk" and he'll come running back wagging his tail totally excited...lol. Now if the dog really thought about it...
There is much that I need to do to feel like a healthy, whole person and unlearning fear is a huge part of it, I'm certain. Or maybe it's just a good excuse to do one silly, fun thing every day
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Sunday 1st of December 2013 08:54:18 AM
"Fear Not" are words found in sacred text multiple times. Fear keeps us down. It never lifts us up. Although some fear is good, most fears are lies. You chose to let "fear" say hello once again, heard its warnings, examined its origins, and did what you knew you could do anyway! Good for you, Melly!!!!!!!! Good for you!!!!! Facing two fears in one day. Good progress. Making that list of things that you fear and promising yourself facing them one at a time! Even better!!! You and your daughter relishing in life's joys together - beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
No. It sounds to me like you have the agility and strength you need to do it. At my age, it would be insanity. But, considering that you were willing to crouch down and bounce on the trampoline with your feet planted firmly on the canvas, maybe you are physically capable of climbing a tall tree? Only your body knows. My body says "Ah, I remember when I could do that. Let's go put moisturizing lotion on my skin." Smile.
