The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My alcoholic husband is 2 weeks into detox/rehab and I'm doing everything I can to hold the hope that this will work. the concept that's this disease is not just his, but mine as well is new to me. I'm slow in learning to let go. I Can't control any of it. I scour the internet for any resources I can find. A answer. A quick fix. I get it... It doesn't exist. Like my husband, I am also early in recovery. I've tried for years now to hold it together and to fix it. I'm exhausted, broken and defeated. At least that's how I feel... Desperately im trying to find my own way... and even though I know deep inside it's not possible, I'm trying to Drag my husband along with me. The days leading up to rehab were ugly and angry. The first couple days and even weeks of rehab seemed to be too good to be true. And then today... He was so angry. Insisting that as soon as he was done with rehab, he was done. he's not doing out patient. He's not doing AA. He says he's done enough and now he's fine. My instinct was to argue, and I admit I started to... But instead I ended the conversation and hung up the phone. Im at a loss...
Hi, Naydel. You are describing how many of us feel after dealing with the effects of this disease on our own. The hardest hit can often be wives and mothers. You're so right. You can't control any of it. You also didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can get help for yourself and you're seeking it. This is a good start. We suggest attending face to face Al-Anon meetings, Conference Approved Literature that you can obtain at meetings, and finding a sponsor if you decide that Al-Anon is the right place for you. He's angry today. That's not such a bad thing. None of us want to be faced with a disease that can't be cured and is fatal if we don't get treatment and stick with it. Our program is a one day at a time program. It's helpful to me not to put too much stock in anything my A says and more in what he does.
Back to you - its so good that you chose not to argue with him and just let him have his say. Please find Al-Anon meeting locations, days and times in your area and attend at least 6 before you decide whether the group and program is for you. Please come back here, too. Many of us have gone through what you describe or are going through it now. There is hope for you in this program. Keep coming back.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 29th of November 2013 10:35:45 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 29th of November 2013 10:36:42 PM
I am glad that you found Miracles in Progress and have shared. Yes, alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease that not only affects the person who drinks but also we who live with the disease as well. AA is the recovery progam for the alcoholic and Alanon is the recovery program for the familiy.
Alanon holds face to face meetings in most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages. Call and you will be directed to meetings in your location. I urge you to break the isolation caused by living with this disease and attend at least 6 meetings before you make a decision.
Meetings will provide you with new tools to live by and the emotional support to attempt to live and laugh with courage, serenity and wisdom.
Keep coming back here you are not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 1st of December 2013 12:35:00 AM
I am in the same boat. Even though I knew about al anon from earlier attendance in the program (due to family alcoholism) I have been dealing with this issue on my own. I would scour the internet looking for something- anything. Truly the only thing out there that helps is this program. It takes time though. I am in the process of trying to find a group I feel comfortable with. In the meantime trying to detach from the alcoholic and not engage when he presses my buttons. You are not alone.
My husband was that same way. I think it is a false sense of security. He would go to a program for a short time and think he was cured. Just because you're sober doesn't mean you're no longer an alcholic. And you are ever so right this is not just the alcoholics disease it is our disease too. I'm still working on accepting that. To me it seems so black and white. If something is broke fix it. Go to classes and do whatever it takes to fix it. Stay sober. Say no. Learn an alternative solution to taking a drink. But unfortunately I'm not an addict and apparently there's more to it than that. I think the absolute most difficult part is keeping my mouth shut. It's not easy to not get angry or not to have a voice.
