The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Happy Turkey Day! I think I understand something about myself and detaching with love. I have wanted to do this with my A for the last few years. I was able to detach but without the love part. Now that I have a number of months in program, I am feeling better about myself. I think for the last couple weeks I am learning to detach with love. Doing steps 4-5-6-I am asking HP to remove my character defects and a big one is holding onto anger, resentment, and fear. I am being nicer to my A even though my expectations of the marriage are only slightly changed. I'm OK with whatever is going to happen. Pretty cool, right? Lyne
Awesome also that you brought this growth here so that others can get direction also. What help me in this endeavor was learning to accept my alcoholic addict wife as a full child of God with a fatal disease. I learned to see her as God sees her and to accept and love her unconditionally. I wasn't her god and she wasn't put on the face of the earth to please me or not. Also I was able to see that she had to accept me that same way and wondered at times even if I could. The playing field went level and I got relaxed...mind, body, spirit and emotions. Great thread and of course Happy Thanksgiving from Hilo Hawaii. ((((hugs))))
Wonderful share, thanks for your experience, strength and continued hope. One day at a time, works wonders. One step at a time, works miracles. One person saying let it begin with me, profound. You're a blessing in my life by being here, thank you for giving by sharing.
Very cool Lyne! I have completed step 1 and what an eye opener. I look forward in starting step 2. Had a great F2F meeting Tuesday night. Walked out feeling this is definitely that place I need to be.
Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another persons alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively. Alcoholism is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone elses drinking is too devastating for most people to bear without help.
In Al-Anon we learn nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone elses drinking. We are not responsible for another persons disease or recovery from it.
Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with anothers behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.
IN AL-ANON WE LEARN: Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of anothers recovery Not to do for others what they can do for themselves Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit Not to cover up for anothers mistakes or misdeeds Not to create a crisis Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events
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IF you can not be a good example; then you will just have to be a horrible warning
