The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our reading is about the classic drunk dad and coping mum type of family. This was my family largely. My mum took the line- if you caint beat em join em... and so she was at the pub too- at least some of the time.
I can only quote briefly from 'Hope For Today'. This is out of respect for the copyright.
"I blamed my mother for not protecting me and for refusing to admit how harrowing my life had been."
Our mum did protect us to quite some extent. In our district rabbits were far more numerous than rats or mice. They assumed plague proportions. It was mum who took my out hunting, with our single shot .22. She did a lot for us kids- as much as she could.
However she also tried to 'paper over the cracks', keep the peace etc etc.... I rebelled against that. I was bursting with emotion and felt dead inside. I had to break out and speak up, in the end.
When I came into Alanon 31 years ago i was bristling with anger... I needed to be heard, and I needed to be heard RIGHT NOW! I learned that other people had their problems and issues and crises. This was a great leveller. I was looking for a strong mix of humility and pride (if that makes sense?)
I still had to live life on life's terms. When the internet became available I was very very angry about Alanon. Because Alanon hadn't given me enough. Because Alanon had not taken away all of my pain. I was allowed to vent, to 'sound off' and to share. Most, if not all, of my anger stemmed from my family. Today i am in a position where I can have some small impact on Alanon practise and policy. I have learned to be able to tweak things. That is mainly because i can connect witl the other gals and guys in Alanon. I have learned to work along with other people....
In many ways Alanon has become my family. I have a voice in it. One voice. It is robust and healthy, but it is not perfect. I wanted and needed perfect. Or else!
For me serenity, maturity, and emotional sobriety, are all one in the same thing. It unifies us in a common cause.
Thanks for the chance to share. ~sniff~ It does mean so much to me- to come home, and to feel 'at home' and to be at home, any place in the world.
Thanks for sharing DavidG.
I couldn't imagine what state of mind I would be in if I hadn't stumbled upon these boards.
Life on life's terms.
No voice is insignificant :)
Thank you for your powerful share with the reminders of how many of us arrive, what many of us have lived and what each of us seeks common experiences seeking understanding, guidance, safety and tools to proceed with more dignity, more patience, more serenity then ever before in what lead us here.
This year I'm also grateful for you being in my life through this board and willing to share your experience strength & hope.
