The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why is it most everyone thinks the worst and not the best, I mean some of us can run ramped with the worse imaginations, is there a psychology to this? When did we become so negative? Is it because we want to b ready for the worst? Its a terrible habit i would love to drop immediately .... og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
When either my negative imagination or my positive imagination is operative and I allow myself to get caught up in the stories that my mind is telling me, I have learned to see the imagination for what it is and I can choose to come back home to my body and to my life as it is in that moment. My ego always tries to scare me out of the present moment. It's just what it does. The more in touch I am with myself and my HP, the more able I am to see the ego at work in me (I call it blowfish because it always puffs things up). When I recognize ego, I can return to focusing on myself, where I am and how rich my life truly is in the present moment. The ego won't die until I do, but one of the wonders of my becoming more seasoned in life is experiencing the ego shrinking. This makes it much more observable to me than when I was younger and needed to build it up to do the outer things in life that were required of me at that time.
Being prepared for the worse was normal because the worse usually did or does happen with an alcoholic or family member of alcoholic who has been effected by alcoholism .. how do we get effected ? anger, fear, criticism, blame, gossip, targeting, manipulating and more .. (very negative behaviors that unfortunately had a very negative effect) Nothing was emotionally or mentally safe for some of us, and of course it stands to reason it was survival to try to limit the amount thrown our way .. Yeah .. I saw the negative because that was usually another persons behavior was showing me .. I learned to look for the negative rather than the positive because that was what the other used in my atmosphere .. today half the battle is recognizing who I'm around .. is it someone I need to be prepared for the negative with ? or someone I can feel safe enough to be positive with .. Starting to get the idea of being with others of like mindedness .. I have been negative because I didn't feel safe but in al-anon ? I never see anything as negative because I feel safe .. and because I don't judge it .. I absorb as much experience as I can .. what a gift .. slow transformation but it's in the turning .. others are Finally showing me the positive .. little by little .. but it's progress not perfection .. Even tonight very depressed but tonight have my reasons .. will most likely share later .. thanks for sharing this .. gives me another reason to be grateful during Thanksgiving ..
Us human beings are incredible creatures, we have amazing abilities but these are tempered by by our tendency to get stuck in the past and project into the future. Of course memories can be lovely, but when our minds have been distorted by alcoholism or other traumas we tend to focus on the negative memories and we can feel anger, resentment, regret or guilt - which are all powerful negative emotions.
Equally we can project but again our projections are so often based on fear, that things cannot be different, we will be lonely etc - again very negative, rather than seeing the possibilities and beauty in our own lives.
To a degree I think all human beings suffer from these feelings, but those of us touched by alcoholism have lived day by day walking along a knife edge, our loved ones have harmed us by their actions and we have allowed ourselves to believe that we were somehow responsible, we have listened to and been hurt by their criticisms and been isolated by their behaviors.
It is hard to break that cycle of thinking, but in the moment we can - gratitude for who we are and what we have, compassion for others but compassion without surrendering ourselves. Awareness and Acceptance, seeing the disease for what it is, accepting what we can do and what we cannot do - I know that my own serenity is directly proportional to my acceptance, and Action - for myself - the courage to change the things I can.
I am blessed because I have a program for me, friends who are sharing my journey and tools I can use to help me come to terms with my life and to see the positives and opportunities it offers. Part of that acceptance is I am going to have bad days, I used to run around in ever decreasing circles believing that things could only get worse, that was a lie I told myself, now I sit with my feelings and slowly unmask them for what they really are.
As we enter this 'goodwill' season I must see through the false and unrealistic, the promises which cannot be kept and keep myself focussed on what is good and above all 'look after me'
The power of Al-Anon and finding the peace and serenity within its simple guidelines is top of my gratitude list today
