The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a glass top coffee table and under the glass I have many recovery related books. AA. Al-Anon, NA, Coda, ACoA. As I was looking through the glass this morning, I thought, "Grab one, randomly open it and share a paragraph from the page that is opened". I reached under the table, let my hand fumble around and came out with "From Survival to Recovery" a Al-Anon Conference Approved book. I said a little prayer, that I might get exactly what I need as I read what He guides my hand to open this morning.
I opened the book and it was page 150. Here is what the only full paragraph on that page says;
"In Al-Anon we learn self-respect by respecting each other. We come to realize that everyone has the right to seek their own solutions even when their choices differ from ours. The First Step, which tells us, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable," is essential to giving up trying to control others; even if we believe we are doing what we do for their own good. It is also simply a statement of reality. After some time in the program it becomes obvious that if the alcoholic cannot control his or her drinking; we certainly can't: in the beginning, however, this fact is not so obvious. The crises in our lives may be so devastating that we fear that if we do not somehow take charge, no matter how impossible the task may be, we will perish or be destroyed. Crisis brings us in, hope keeps us coming back and serenity in the midst of both turmoil and joy, rewards our efforts."
I read this paragraph a few times this morning. This paragraph starts out addressing self respect. When I came into the program, I didn't respect myself. It was others showing me my respectable qualities that brought me to that place. By respecting eachother, letting one another travel this road, and take this journey in a manner that allows them to be independent (many for the first time), and not being judgemental, not in any way degrading one another, we allow each other to grow and learn. We make suggestions, but they are not rules, just guidelines of what we found that worked for us as we travelled this path. Step One speaks of our powerlessness. That we can't control the alcoholic's drinking, (the affairs of others) and that in trying to do so makes our lives completely unmanageable. All my efforts to control, to take charge, only intensified the sense of crisis in MY life. The Urgency Alarm's would be ringing so loud that I would be an absolute mess; mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. All the alcoholic felt was drunk. This is what brought me to my bottom and brought me into Al-Anon. When I learned how to stop adopting the crisis of another as my own, and responding to it with all my aerobics, trying to fix the crisis in front of me, that wasn't even mine to be mingling with, a peace settled in on me. I could let the alcoholic find their own path, I didn't have to try to create it for them any more. I could take responsibility for me, and stop reacting, but start responding in self respecting ways that allowed me to feel good about myself, instead of bad about the alcoholic's irrisponsibility. In "midst of both turmoil and joy" Serenity has been my reward.
Hope you enjoyed this mornings reading. I know it helped me better understand how being a part of this WE program has truly brought me to my highest good, with room for further growth and learning as I continue to travel this lovely journey on the path called Recovery.
I so enjoy looking at the faces of children. Thank you, John.
Your reflection on the reading you chose for today got me to thinking about respect - self and other.
One of the things that has been very hard for me to do is to go directly to a person that I have felt hurt or slighted by and say it to them. I've learned that if I don't do that, I carry a grudge or resentment against myself because I have not done my part in relationship to that person. I haven't treated myself or the other with respect. I haven't allowed myself to be vulnerable or to learn that what I thought was meant by the speaker wasn't meant at all. I've also involved another person in my personal issue without doing anything to try to resolve it with the first person myself. That doesn't mean I don't seek the insights of somebody I trust who I know won't use the information I share with them to hurt me or the other person before I act in some cases. Yet, I've learned that I do need to deal with an issue directly with somebody if I want to respect myself by acting with integrity and courage in doing my part to talk with each other and reason things out on a personal basis. I also find that I trust and respect people more when they do the same with me.
As a recovering codependent, I know how easy it is to bypass talking directly with another person and complain to multiple others without ever taking my true thoughts and feelings to the person I really need to talk with about the matter. I've also learned that when I do go directly to somebody with an issue that is bothering me, I've made some good friends that I might not have made without willingness to appear the fool or discovering I was wrong about where the other person was coming from when they said or did something I didn't like and need to make a direct amend to them. I still get fearful and little kid-like inside when I choose to bring my stuff directly to them, but I also feel so much cleaner and grown up after I do.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 23rd of November 2013 04:42:28 PM
Thank you for the smile and the great reminders. It's true this message board is designed to help others not judge, poke fun or make another parent feel guilty. I applaud all the work you do in that respect even if it includes some darling baby pictures. A frown speaks a thousand words, a smile touches a gentle heart and mind. BE well, and I pray others will always remember "But for the Grace of God there go I".
What a lovely reading John, thank you so much, and fabulously illustrated as well - that little face bursting with excitement will be with me when I close my eyes tonight
Thank you John for answering your call...it is relief from my suffering when I surrender. I am a work in progress, for sure, and I have a large community to a part of here.
Thanks so very much John for sharing this excerpt.
I loved the section that stated:
Crisis brings us in, hope keeps us coming back and serenity in the midst of both turmoil and joy, rewards our efforts."
That sums up my reasons for finding alanon, staying and why I keep coming back.
I too read a daily alanon reader for the particular day and then open another book to a random page and see what my HP wants me to think about that day. It is a powerful tool
I would like to add that before alanon I hated to join in. I wanted d to be on the outside and not a joiner . I considered myself "terminally unique" What a difference it makes to feel a part of something greater than myself and to support others on the journey
Thank you John for your efforts and thank you alanon for giving me the tools
Nice to see the CAL adult child stuff being shared here, John.
The Alanon adult child daily reader, "Hope for Today" is a real doozy!
There are only a few secrets around this MIP recovery board... ...and all of them are good ones... ...we can share 'in the rooms' one moment and then be in the next room in the flick of an eye.
We all do work together around here, to a common end. Online I follow rule #347 [A] [just kidding...] which must read- no poaching of members. Let people come to the sheilaship, or fellowship of their choice.
As a member also of ACA, I and most of us refer people to both the regular ACA stuff, and also the Alanon stuff. In their home communities its about what is available and what suits them.
I have seen both programmes work for people, and work well....
The rules around Alanon are well known, and I try to observe them here, and the follow the group code here...
When we come into recovery we find we cannot control the outcomes on our own. We find we learn to manage our own lives if we learn to let go.
Nice to see the CAL adult child stuff being shared here, John. 
] which must read- no poaching of members. Let people come to the sheilaship, or fellowship of their choice.