The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and I've survived it. Aloha Family...just recently got back from a "meet the commanders" meeting at the police department. This is the third time the first two with a different focus. This one was standing up for me as a Hawaiian National who was assaulted by the police. I went for the "stand up" experience and went even though I would rather stay home and sleep because the PTSD kept me awake again. Yeppers the PTSD is always about being in a meeting with them; cops running in and out of my head and we're not getting anything done. That's how it ended up again the fulfilled expectation however it was the ongoing experience of standing up for myself and my culture that moves us toward our goal of free nation again. I couldn't sit because the citizens that were there were outnumbered 3 to one. Sitting down while all of these uniforms armed to the teeth stood above me...with my body tired from the PTSD and really wanting to go lay down I started having "jitters" which I cannot remember having before. I wasn't so much scared as I was unsure of why I was there and what I thought I would accomplish again after soooo long a negative relationship with the state police. We've been doing this for 40 years and I don't have the elder judges around anymore who use to tell them to stop or find other work. Of course the resistiveness (body language) and justifications and excuses are still there. I expected them with reservations...I always have the hope that another lock will open and another door also and not so. My experiences and perceptions and focus isn't theirs and the head guy didn't even listen to what was read as prepared...he's been on the force for so long he's fixed...in attitude and response. They are public servants and not and then the not is because Hawaii isn't a state and hasn't ever been annexed and natives and nationals are not a part of "their public".
This is the safest place to dump my feelings without scaring others or being judged. For the moment that is good for me because it leaves me in the truth of "It is what it is"...for now and little steps are still accepted. I know I am accepted here and that is enough for now. Mahalo for that. I love you all for that. (((hugs)))
I'm listening. I care. And I see you made it through this day, Jerry, and can share it with us, too. A friend of mine once said that truth spoken always remains. If you weren't there with others to speak the truth - then the only thing that could remain in that circumstance are the lies. We love you, too, Jerry.
I wish I had some wisdom to share. I am listening and hear you and you are not alone. Some times we do not see the window or door open a crack; I have hope that your courage has made a difference even if it isn't currently measurable.
I hope you are able to sleep well tonight and awake restored. Prayers for serenity.
I hear you Jerry, and it is a pleasure.
I hear you and I hear an elder talking (so no pressure there! ) and it makes me think that perhaps the elders who came before us might also have had the same feelings from time to time. That didn't stop them from speaking their truth and I am smiling in recognition of the timelessness of it all.
Sleep well, your MIP family is around you. (((Hugs)))
Kia ora Jerry... my usual calm and routine in the sleeping dept has bin disturbed of late... sometimes i get to face my demons and fears... and sometimes I lay awake because I am happy and excited...
...I have been know to take on 'city hall'. Sometimes I thought it was weird, but most times it has worked out for the better... Alanon asks: "how important is it?" And sometimes. depending who you are it is very important.
My mum used to say: "there's method in his madness".
Thank you for risking that awful anxiety in the hopes of better, fairer, and safer law enforcement. It is really important, Jerry. I would encourage you to share with the officers the level of PTSD you have..and though some may call you a "panty waste" -- there are some officers who will empathize and learn from your awful experiences.
Diversity of any kind tends to throw cops off...black teens, indigenous folks, etc...in my classes I use the example of 2 guys -- a guy in detroit who was deaf -- so he did not comply, and the cops shot him...he had a deadly weapon -- a rake. SMH. Another example is a young man in florida who is quadriplegic -- they dumped him out of his chair and the fall broke his collar bone -- because they assumed he was faking to get out of going to jail. I do crisis response training for police officers especially with regard to responding to mental health crises...They get very little training about diversity or disability, including mental illness.
I think the more we can humanize people who are different, the more likely police officers will respond with common sense, instead of force.
I am proud of you. I know the challenge of getting triggered all over the place...but eyes on the prize, Jerry. If you can help just one situation from happening, because of your story, then it may have been worth it. Advocacy for change...well it often comes at a price.
THANK you, and I'm sending you good juju -- to sweep away the ugly-nasties that keep you up at night.
) and it makes me think that perhaps the elders who came before us might also have had the same feelings from time to time. That didn't stop them from speaking their truth and I am smiling in recognition of the timelessness of it all. 