The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, my AH comes home from a missions trip to Haiti tomorrow. I will be picking him up from the airport late. I am working on having no expectations from this trip of his. He has contacted me via text a few times, but nothing earth shattering, LOL. I am very ready to move on with my life and I am afraid that he will sway me with words and promises of change. Either that, or he will be the same as he was when he left, which will make my decision easy. Either way, I have realized that I can't live like this anymore and that it's unhealthy for our son to live with a man who treats him nice one minute and then ignores him the next. My AH has too many problems and needs to get help for all of them, and I feel like I'm wasting my life just sitting here waiting for him to change. I know I'm working my program, but I realized that I have to move on and if he chooses to get healthy, he will most likely have to do it living elsewhere or with us living elsewhere. I truly am dreading him being in this home again. He brings a black cloud wherever he goes and I work so hard to maintain my own serenity and not let it get to me, but I see how my son suffers and I know it's not right. Please pray that I make the right decisions, and be in HP's will, over the next few months. I feel change coming!
Sounds like you have a lot of strength. Sometimes it's so useful when they go away for a while because we get an experience of how we feel with them less in our lives.
In my situation, the dread of making the break was worse than the break itself. On the day itself I practically went into a panic, and I had some friends supporting me and they talked me out of my panic. Then the next day -- such a feeling of peace! I hadn't expected that. I had expected the panic to continue. I think the reason I felt peace was that I had considered the situation up, down, and sideways. I wasn't just doing one of those sudden "I hate this! I'm leaving!" things when you're upset but you haven't really planned your actions ahead of time. Making decisions from a calm place is a lot different from making them from an upset place.
Whatever you choose, it sounds like you have great tools to take care of yourself and your son. {{{Hugs}}}
Betty, that still small voice within is the one telling me it's time. I just pray that I have the strength to listen to it! I've been known to hear that small voice and then ignore what it's telling me so that I can go hide under a rock again.
I remember that anxiety. I wish I had had this forum when I was where you are....stay with us. This too shall pass and I hope it passes quickly for you! You do sound much stronger.
I felt this way too. For me it took a crisis and I just did it. It looks like you are in a good place in terms of being calm and rational. I remember the dark cloud. The whole mood changed in his presence in line with his moods. It's confusing and unnerving. In my experience when I left I felt partly elated partly scared but I got more and more awareness and as time went on and farther from denial. Today I feel so much better. I made the right decision. I would never go back. Im much happier without him in my life. Im in recovery. Probably will be my whole life. Lean on your program during this time to gI've you strength.x
It's scary to consider moving on until its scarier to stay in a circumstance that simply doesn't help us thrive. You'll be fine, ILD. You'll know what to say, what to do, how to handle the change that you know you're ready to navigate. Your HP has granted you the serenity to accept the things you can't change and courage to change the things that you can. There's no question that HP will also grant you knowledge of HP's will for you and the power to carry it out each day that you ask, too. Keep us posted, ILD. We're here with you and for you. (((ILD)))
I agree with grateful that sometimes it takes the 'known' becoming more difficult or scarier than the 'unknown' for the change to begin. We are all here with you. What a gift that we can decide what we need in our lives.
lots of support and strength to you. You are not alone.
I wrote this morning about self respect. You are not doing anything wrong or bad, you are simply respecting yourself as a woman and a mother. What a great example of moving through the pain, the fear's, and all that without having to disrespect yourself in the process. You will be alright. Your HP has all the "what if's, should I's, etc, answered and is eagerly awaiting to show you... He's got your back! :)
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
