The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember meeting up with my AH almost a year ago. We were in the middle of our pending divorce and I was hoping to work things out with him without having to have my lawyer in the middle of our settlement. We met at a coffeeshop and I was so shocked when I soon realized that the person whom I thought was a homeless man was in reality my AH. He had a long, scraggly beard, was wearing disheveled clothing, and was badly in need of a haircut. How fast things had changed from when I last saw him about two months before that time. I remember thinking how much things had changed as the disease continued to progress and own him. This was man who used to own his own successful business and was looked up to by many. I felt so bad for him, and for us.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 21st of November 2013 09:40:25 PM
I am in a coffee shop where I often hang out. It's on the edge of a sketchy area of town and sometimes homeless people and panhandlers come in. You know what I mean -- unkempt, torn and dirty clothing, hair that hasn't been washed or combed in weeks, and so on. Just now I saw a homeless person approaching my table. Wait a minute! It wasn't a homeless person -- it was my ex-AH! He's not actually homeless -- he just dresses and smells like one.
"I thought you were a homeless person!" I said. We both laughed a lot. "I haven't combed my hair," he said. (Or washed it or cut it, or washed his clothes...) I feel like finally my expectations are in the right place. I'm sad that the man I chose all those years ago is a guy who wanders around being down and out. But I'm grateful that he's well-meaning and not violent, and that finally I've got my expectations in a place where I can laugh about it.
Ok .. LOL .. you are in a coffee shop and so am I .. LOL! I have NO desire to run into my stbax .. and I'm glad that it's ok for you to and be where you are at in recovery that gives me hope!
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I should add that I may be making it sound worse than it is. He always was a kind of alternative guy. Like Pigpen from Peanuts, kinda shambolic. He's an artist and you know they never look like corporate types. I'd rather he looked a little more put together, but the great news is, it's not my business to worry about any more!
Great detachment, sad to see how the disease takes somebody down to that level. Before I grappled with this horrible disease I used to be so judgemental of the 'down & outs' - I have learned that everyone has their story, after all they are somebody's son or daughter - maybe husband or wife, mother or father.
(((Mattie))), sigh...I have one of those homeless guys asleep on the sofa right now....it is what it is, I guess....I'm looking forward to a serenity like yours ;)
I actually think he'd be like this without the alcoholism -- I think they're two symptoms of the same thing, an inability to manage life in general.
Raven Juniper, I have so been where you are, with my couch occupied for long periods like that. I'll say that having my couch to myself makes the situation a lot more detachable.
