Very Emotional.. - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

Very Emotional..

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Gaby))))))))))))))))))))))))

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

((((( Gaby )))))

I know what your going through. I so many times did that one more thing to help my son because I just knew in my heart he was going to change after this one more time....one more time.

The day finally came......I had to quit the denial, I had to give him up to his HP, I had to let go for my own health. Gaby I was going down with the ship. I screamed at God to help him, I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.

I don't want to lose my son to this disease but I also can't stop it. I have tried it all, done it all and paid for it all.

I am going to what you might call a grieving process now. It's like a death in many ways.

I will always love my son dearly. I will never give up on him but I will also let go and let God watch over him now.

My prayers are with you....please don't isolate keep coming here and let your heart out....we will be here for you.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby, I am so sorry......

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby, sending ((((((hugs))))))) and prayers to support you.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby, I know what you mean about one more thing to try because I still fall into this from time to time. I can accept I am powerless but only for a short period of time then I get scared and start hatching the plans, you know, this will make it better, that will make it better.

Nothing that we can do can come to any good. When we try a new tactic we send the message that a) they are helpless, like children thus encouraging the whole situation to continue with a little added extra crap, b) only we have the power to save them again adding to their lack of confidence and low self esteem. Its a lose lose situation.

It is all based around our own fears, I know I get scared that - he will end up on the streets, murdered, freezing cold, in prison etc you know the usual, but when I act on these I a m actually helping him further along on the destructive path and Im acting on what can alleviate my fears because they are uncomfortable for me which is really selfish and has less to do with what is actually in his best interest that may actually serve to keep him from getting deeper into the crap that I was fearful about in the first place.

Let him fall, he is supposed to fall, thats the logical thing that should happen, everything else apart from falling is a fake really. Im trying and it is hard and feels so like the opposite of what a Mother is supposed to be about. But you and I, we are no ordinary Mothers. We are Mothers of people who don't want Mothers, they want someone to bail them out, to lie to, to con, to use, to manipulate and that means we must adjust accordingly, treat it like a job or a specific solution, I mean, we have the facts of the matter and our usual emotional responses are useless in this specific set of circumstances . We need to defend ourselves in every way and in the process we will be setting a good example to these children of ours and gaining peace for ourselves. I am realizing that what is needed is logic and reason and I am changing as a Mother, I am adapting to his needs. He needs me to treat him like I would any other person. My needs have got to go above his, for both our sakes. He needs to know that he is not special and someone that should be handled with kid gloves. I only wish I had got this way before now. I hope I have made sense, I think I have rambled a bit but I do understand and I am glad you are here. Thanks.Lornax

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry, Gaby. I know this is hard. It is also what it is. We do what we can with what we have to work with and we ache with the bitterness of wanting to love our children in a certain way and wanting them to respond to us in a certain way. When we realize that our way doesn't work for us or for them and that their way doesn't work for them or for us, we release ourselves and them from wanting something we just can't have. We surrender to the reality that is ours to accept or reject. If we accept it, we learn how to make the best of it and the life that is ours to live. The ache doesn't go away but it no longer consumes us when we let go of what we wanted, let be what is our reality, listen for knowledge of God's will for us and do what God guides us to do.

Rose50 · Senior Member

I know how you feel, Gaby as I am right there with you.

Keep coming here for support because you are not alone.

(((hugs)))

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Gaby, I can remember the WHY's.

Today I still do not know why my partner is an alcoholic, or my granfather was or my uncle this disease has torn my family to bits i can see its marks on everyone arounbd me.

Today I am past thw WHY's my partner is sober thanks to HP and I am trying to heal slowly 1 day at a time sometimes 1 hour at a time.#whether my A is drinking or not this disease attacks me.

Today I chant step 2 came to believe came to believe. I can see some positives today to the pain I have been through.

Everytimje I help a new comer

Share my story at a meeting or convention and people say how it has helped them.

I have a new loving family and made some truley specail friends.

I love myself today

and have a loving HP.

when I haded my A over I had to stop watching and start to do the work I needed to do to heal slowly but surley things are getting better and better, but I had to trust HP.

How can you take some al anon medicine today, what would help you to contect and feel better?

Your son is on his journey you are on your you MATTER too!!!

sending you big hugs love tracy xxxxxx

deacon · Senior Member

Ah Gaby! You are asking the same questions we all ask? Why has the universe singled us out for punishment that we do not deserve, from actions that we have not caused or continued and can't stop? Brutal truth is that bad things do happen to good people and we have to endure until things get better.

I know your heart is breaking for your boy because you remember all the good times when he was younger. You see what he could be if he chose. But he is on his own path and somehow you have to find the strength to follow your own route and let him find his own way. We can never stop being mothers but we have to learn to detach in order to maintain our own sanity. I wish that you did not live as close to him as you do as his addiction is on daily display.

I pray that you find some peace within yourself and know that you are not alone in this turmoil.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

the world is no longer perfect. people aren't either and have not been for a very long time. No one picks or chooses who is going to be an a. It does not discriminate. Its a handful of different things, dna, environiment that makes it worse, being insecure, self medicating when one has the predisposition to be an a.

Its horrible what the world throws at us. I never thougth i would be a widow either and have to raise my kids alone. I never said why me. It just was.

Life is so messy and full of pain. we have an ill child, addiction. makes the washer dying, car won't start, worse. that sort of pain seems to set our foundation for our life. we have to do our best to find serenity in any situation. I go to this place in me that is sorta calm, like a hypnotic thing sorta. no money no gas, truck won't start.its just lifes obstacles.

Life is never smooth. always something. for me when I really realized things are hard and going to be hard forever, I felt better.Its just how it is. My ah was using. still loved him, mip taught me to glean what time I had with him, as is. just life. still hurt but not so gut wrenching.

I know for me I need spiritual food, especially need it when things are bad, or when I am living with a hard situation. I do my best to feed my spirit all the time, love hp all the time, so I feel he is there when things go bonkers.

Having a child be our primary concern/pain is, well face it, the worst! I know really picturing my loved ones in his big hands helped me so much. I let go.

we here at mip care about each other. there is not another place like it. I have seen so many miracles on here shared. sending you love and hope, debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.