On a less happy note.. - Al-Anon Family Group

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

On a less happy note..

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly big hugs to you .. speaking from my experiences with job loss and with related stuff .. I sincerely doubt I will ever know the full story. The last what I call drunk story I heard was a wrecked car. I won't bore with details I will say I shared at an open AA meeting with a recovering friend and she started laughing. Now I was angry lol .. she was saying umm honey that is the biggest drunk story I have ever heard. It took me another 3 months to figure out how big of a drunk story it was .. there are still unpaid fines from that incident. I can go on about the extensive lies .. it's part of the disease. My stbax doesn't even realize he's doing it. I'm always amazed .. it's always someone else's fault. When I have said well we can take it to court to hr the immediate response is .. it's to much ( fill in the blank ). He got stranded years ago out of state for an alcohol related incident .. instead of coming back and quitting .. he quit over 500 miles from home with no way home. The company cancelled his ticket .. that should have been my first clue something was way off. That is how bad I needed to believe. I'm very sorry to be a negative nelly about this .. it just sounds like a drunk story and I know and accept I will never know the full truth from an active addict. The most important thing you can do for yourself is take care of you. He's going to work or not work, drink or not drink.. what are you going to do? Big big hugs s:)

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

My heart went out to him as I was reading your post, as I know bullies are scared little boys inside. Our HP reminds us we do have kind and loving hearts. I am sorry that your fridge died and you are facing more unpleasant realities. (((Melly))) I shared just a short time ago with a friend that I made a card once that said "God Came in and Messed Up My Hair"...seems to apply for many of us today.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I never even considered it a drunk story....gheez I am so naïve sometimes!

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't doubt the actual story although I also don't believe it is unprovoked; I find it likely that one of the times he went to work drunk he said or did something to attract it, and that's the part I will never hear about. But that isn't for me to analyse- it's the feelings that it brings up for me that I need to have a handle on. And the practical stuff like the income loss. And the stupid freaking fridge!!! Gah!

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

You're right Paula, that full moon wreaked havoc in its wake it seems! Everyone does seem to be having a particularly nasty time today.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((Melly)) I'm sorry about your fridge and my stomach does flip flops when I hear stories about bullying ( a definite trigger).

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. It sounds as if the experience may be one more step towards his rock bottom and the fridge may be one more toward yours. I don't doubt that other people can be bullies and awful sometimes, but also that drinking gives one the absolute worst chance to handle difficulties appropriately. This is the chaos that alcoholism pulls one into. Wishing you much strength and support.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

When I read things like this, my heart goes out to everybody in the story. We make life so hard for ourselves and each other at times. Lots of hugs coming your way and his, Melly, and the people at his workplace, too. If he hasn't lost his job, he's probably afraid he is losing it. And fear keeps crud going and going and going. Fortunately, you are working your program and may be the only one able to stand back and let the negativity fade into the sea.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((Melly))

I am really sorry to read about the refrigerator and the job You are a kind ,compassionate and loving person so I am not surprised that you feel concern and empathy for this man. The best you can do is to keep on taking care or yourself and your daughter and try to find a refurbished refrigerator to replace the old one.

I love your new avatar Prayers for your family

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

sending hugs. Hey put a want add on craigslist. Places who help people with food and cloths often have people who call in with appliances to give away.

ONE day at a time! debilyn

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

Betty- avatar is myself and brother, when I was 11...lol. Now if I could just sit those 2 kids down and tell them a thing or 2!!
Thanks for the support all. I'm sure everything will work out the way it is meant to

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

biggrin Very Sweet Melly

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

We don't have craigslist

I don't know if we have an equivalent here. But my friend recommended a place that sells reconditioned ones so I'll go and have a look on the weekend

Until then, the fridge is room temperature but the freezer section is just cold enough to act as a fridge. So we can still have milk and cheese and stuff; it isn't a complete disaster. I did shed a few tears throwing out so much frozen food though; I didn't realise it had been slowly defrosting and almost everything has gone bad. $100 at least worth of food

I like to stock up when I find stuff cheap and precook meals and freeze them...to save money...LOL didn't that work out well for me?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I have had those same experiences. The mantra "Waste not, want not" accompanies me as I throw out all the frozen food I purchased on sale. I'm better at saying goodbye to food that nobody can eat anyway. A new mantra is slowly taking the place of the old one, "It is what it is (darn it). It is what it is (darn it)." Sure hope you find a really good fridge with freezer in your price range this weekend, Melly. I miss the days when one could buy an appliance that lasted 25 years. Maybe you'll find one that has another good 10 years left on it?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

We just bought a new one. Too bad for the cost of shipping a fridge to Australia. I would give you ours.

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Pink The thought made me smile anyway. I'm sure I'll find something.

ABF is no longer gainfully employed as of today. It was a nice break though; almost 5 months this time! :-/

Technically he doesn't know for sure if he has been fired but...well, I've heard that before and usually it's just the excuse he uses not to look for another job for the first 2 months or so..."I have to go and talk to my boss. He might still have some work for me". After that it turns into "I have been working hard for 5 months, I need a break (for a year) and then it will be some gigantically retarded gambling scheme designed to impoverish us all even further.

Yes folks, it's time for that fantastic family fun time game called "I'm Going to Do and Say These Incredibly Transparent and Ludicrous Things That I Have Said to You So Many Times in the Past 7 Years That You are Actually Mouthing the Words Before I Say Them Because I AM SO FREAKING PREDICTABLE!!!!" It's his favourite; he's really good at it.

But, as we say, he will blah blah. What am I going to do?

-- Edited by Melly1248 on Thursday 21st of November 2013 06:38:10 AM

-- Edited by Melly1248 on Thursday 21st of November 2013 06:38:30 AM

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

The ________ might be relief.
Things have been "tolerable" for a long time. Now they are most likely going to become intolerable again and that means...stuff has to change and I have a whole lot of new tools now to start creating that with. I'm in a very different place to where I was 6 months ago when he was jobless and unbearable. We have repeated this cycle of job loss followed by reversion to teenage behaviour 4 or 5 times now and since, instead of writing a statement of events as his boss requested, he has spent the last 2 days playing computer games and trying to blame me (unsuccessfully too, because I have been soooo not involved in his choices or decision making for a long time now). Today, his boss called my phone (because ABF doesn't have one...so people can't call him and annoy him...mature huh? So he gave his boss my phone number yesterday and today, when it rang I woke him up. Because he didn't like what his boss had to say, it was my fault because I should have said he wasn't here". I broke my "I am not your secretary" rule this one time, and immediately he used it against me. And he wonders why I won't do things for him anymore? He literally spent hours constructing this elaborate scenario where everything was my fault. I did well. I didn't respond, went about my business and every so often gave him the "have you been smoking crack?" look, just so that he knew I was hearing him.

Well anyway. It's no fun being blamed for everything under the sun but I'm sure everyone knows that. No point raving on endlessly about it

I said i wanted something better. Maybe this is how it happens.

-- Edited by Melly1248 on Thursday 21st of November 2013 10:25:24 AM

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

Lol, excuse my sarcasm attack. He's been extremely antagonistic today and I have been working very hard at not engaging. If I don't engage I can't be blamed, and he's trying very, very hard to find a way to do just that.
I guess I was keeping that in.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Venting with us is A-OK! No need to apologize, Melly. Sarcasm here about a situation that is as difficult as this one seems healthy to me. You aren't tearing his flesh. You're trying to cope with this disease. Saying it to him - hurtful. Saying it with us - therapeutic. Good for you if it is helping you keep your side of the street clean as you deal with your feelings of fear, anger, disappointment and ____________________?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly: None of this is funny to me and yet your way of writing it is. You are so right! You do have new program tools to help you detach from his thoughts, feelings and behaviors and stay focused on you and your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We are part of those tools. Glad you trust us and are sharing your experiences with us. We're here for you. We believe in you. We know you can take good care of yourself!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

The card I mentioned a few days ago is true for me now and maybe for you..."God Came in and Messed up My Hair". But, now you can re-fix your hair with a new set of tools. I am in no way making light of your situation as I know how burdened/anxious you must feel...survival and the survival of your daughter is shaky. You know we are here to help hold you up.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Oi, .. this just reminds me of my STBAX sleeping off a drunk. We were new into the relationship .. not married and he had the company truck. His boss actually phoned me at MY job and I mean gave me the biggest set down during that time. It was everything I could do not to scream back at this guy .. seriously .. how dare he .. LOL. Anyway, I was getting better or had a better sense of myself at that age than I did later on. I just remember telling the guy HEY .. I'm not his mother .. you know where he lives and where the truck is .. you want it go and get it. This is beyond inappropriate for YOU to call ME at work .. I'm NOT your employee. I got a big apology from him days later .. this is the kind of guy he was though flew off the handle at everything. My STBAX's response? LOL .. I'm the assistant manager I don't have to call in .. HE still believes that to this day that if you are in management you are responsible to no one else. He didn't get fired which is shocking.

I'm just soooo grateful that whatever J drama I'm cleaning up .. there is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel at some point .. LOL. I think about this stuff and seriously .. it's not funny .. however in a warped way when I look at my life it is funny in a very sad ironic way.

I still wonder what in the hell was I thinking? It is something to say the least.

Hugs S :)

wp · ~*Service Worker*~

If you want to talk about replacing refrigerators.....lol.....we were going to buy a new one, and in the long run....which was pretty long actually.....we ended up having our old one reconditioned and it cost far less money :)

As for the addict, well, keep with the program , Melly.

Yours,
wp

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.