Most common phrases heard from clients in a rehab - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Most common phrases heard from clients in a rehab

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I didn't get the meds I wanted so I'm leaving! (Hrmmm. Drug seeking behavior in rehab. Heck yeah).

I can use the phone when I want so I am leaving! (God forbid you have extra focus on getting sober)

I didn't come here for this! ("this" being anything other than sobriety)

I thought this place was right on the beach! (as if the beach is more important than not dying from drugs/alcohol)

My insurance is paying for all of this so you better give me what I want! (when their parents' insurance is paying for it most the time or they are about to get fired and lose the insurance)

This place is so unprofessional! (from the person that uses drugs and drinks on the job or has never had a job or acted professional ever)

My mom (dad/spouse) just doesn't get it! (from the person that everyone else thinks doesn't get it)

I hate alanon! My mom turned into a b**ch after that! (said from from the person that expects ongoing enabling forever and ever)

They treat us like kids here!!! (said from the person who acts so unbelievably childish)

The rules here are stupid and don't make sense! (said from the person that can't and has never been able to follow rules).

Groups are boring and repetitive!!! (said from the person that isolates all day doing the same thing over and over again - drinking/drugging and accomplishing nothing).

The rooms here are disgusting! (said from the person who never cleans up after themself).

They just herd us along and make us go wherever they feel like! (referring to the client being taken to AA/NA meetings)

We don't go to enough meetings! (said from the ones to don't complain about going to meetings because they then have to complain about not going to enough)

The meetings we go to suck! (just to catch the stragglers that are not complaining about frequency of meetings)

***In case you wondered why they drink or drug right after rehab - it's because this is his how they act while they are there. I knew this would be the case but geez!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh...I forgot the most common:

I need to get out of here and get back to the real world. I have important things to take care of! (said from the person who has been avoiding the "real world" forever and doesn't take care of anything and leaves it to their family)

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

Substitute a few words...like

"you didn't get me the beer I wanted so 'Im leaving",
"You didn't pay the phone bill so I can't use the phone so I'm leaving",
"I didn't move in with you for this"! (This being anything other than enabling)
and so on lol and it sounds pretty much like the A at home...proof that no-one really gets well unless they want to I guess :-/

If you had to estimate, how many are there because they want to be do you reckon?

Must be really draining, Pink.
Hugz.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

PC: I see you standing back more from the comments and seeing them for what they are than when you first started? If so, is your work getting easier and more challenging than difficult for you emotionally?

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Funny and sad...thanks for the share pc.

Mari1978 · Senior Member

(((pc)))

A lot of those phrases sound so familiar. I am thought of as a B&^$# by A. I was told I spoke to him as if he were a child. Funny thing is that I have had very little to say and have come to understand that it does not matter what I say or do. The only thing I can do is take care of me and put up my shield and pray. What HP brings us to, HP will help carry us through.

Thanks for sharing and doing the work that you do.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you ever get ones who are desperate for recovery? When I was going through the worst of codependence, I was desperate for recovery. I would have done anything. The idea of checking into a place that actually allowed me to take time off from all my responsibilities would have been heaven. I'm still desperate for recovery, but I've got some of it to carry around at all times now.

I think the difference must be that the A's have a substance to numb the pain. I mean, they want that substance. When you're a codie, the pain remains all too obvious.

I'd be interested to know about your own recovery, Pink (or anyone else on here who's a recovering A). How did you move from the denial these guys have to the understanding?

It sounds frustrating to cope with day after day. Like a herd of three-year-olds. You have some professional-level understanding and detachment going on.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My son was also very cooperative and everyone there just loved him. He has stacks and stacks of writings and notes.

Very powerful disease.....sad

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs pink, Anyone who works in the addiction field has to have the patience of Job. Both with the family's as well as the addict. I swear one of the most ironic thing I have found is the universal language of addiction there are phrases that I swear are in a secret book somewhere that is passed out to be used. I will share from time to time just the phrases I heard. My two favorites of all time .. I'm a simple man (unless we are talking about the Dali, Ghandi these men are profound and simple .. they are not simple minded) I now see that as a big gigantic red flag. The other is .. You are so complicated. Yes, .. yes I am .. I'm ok with that. Refer to ending of first statement, simple minded vs simple. Simple people do not have complex issues involving the law, job issues, addiction issues and so on. I do not mean this in a mean way .. addicts are charming, exciting, funny, and generally nice people in the beginning. It takes special people to deal with the addict who wants help forget about the ones who don't. I heard it best said I will pray and have every intention of wanting to get better when my ass is on fire .. however once the fire is out I can feed my addiction again until my ass gets set on fire again. The true definition of insanity .. doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Hugs S :)

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Bitter sweet post Pinkchip, funny but sad at the same time. Does rehab have a good success rate? We dont have much of this in Scotland.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Mark, I hope what you share does not bother you or surprise you. Even though you are a dbl. winner remember they are basically all teenagers.

That was how I felt when I read all that! lol I thought yea sounds like my students I taught! lol sooo in saying that, when ya hear it inside say yep they are teenagers in old bodies so all that is their job! lol

I would say sucks to be you! lol not really, unless they were someone I could tease. or I need to know this because? Ya might be right.

if that is how ya feel, thats how you feel!

mom and dad don't get it. what are they suppose to get?

If you are counseling, actually those comments are a good way to start dialogue. (c

oh so how would you like a room to be?

would you like to have a meeting available here during free time

how does one treat another as an adult?

what is it you want?

I don't know what your style is mine is wonder. I put my head to the side, and wonder about this person. start by responding to ok what makes you feel that? then go with it.

It depends on the person too. For me I like to know how people tick. for some reason I have heard all my life,"I have told you more than I have ever told anyone in my life!"

Maybe its becuz they know I care but they cannot hurt me or get me rattled.

see I would alove to be a bug on a wall, well a pretty butterfly or humming bird...thats a bird, hmm oh well you get what I mean. see you in action.

I just tend to see or look for the kid in people, and also their hearts. If i cannot find their heart, I will take a looooong time waiting for it. I did this with an aspergers kid and it was soooo worth it. We ended up great friends. strange little bug he was! told me i was the only person who ever apologized to him!

thanks for posting all that, was great.does not make me sad at all really. Just means if they can ever stay on program, they have lots of growing up to do.

Its never about us at all.

sending you hugs, and light feelings of humor, smiles and wonder! love,debilyn

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

This was mostly a catharctic rant. Yes. I have some awesome clients too. Probably only 20 to 30 percent fit the description above. It's just those ones that are naturally the most draining. And yes, I know I have rehab allstars that relapse right after discharge. That makes me sad. One of ours discharged weds and we found out today he od'd and died. That is part of why the bs makes me want to scream sometimes.

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for the reminders that the disease is always ready to speak at TOP VOLUME!

I am starting to understand the difference between the A and the alcoholism--who's doing the talking??

thanks for that

YF

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Mark

I am so sorry to read about your client od'ing What a sad disease.

Keep on showing the way

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My dear Mark

I know if you can reach at least one you can proud for what you are doing to make a difference in this world. You are a miracle my friend.

I pray everyday that my son will find that someone that will make a difference in his life and give him the miracle too.

I pray that God guides you and continues to give you the strength and courage to give to others in service.

(((( hugs ))))

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

When I finally woke up in Al-Anon I then ended up in AA too...how funny in a way and what a blessing. When my curiosity about the disease took over while I was in Al-Anon I went to college to learn about the chemical and every aspect I could about it. When I got into counseling at the VA AA center I became aware that I knew about "them" because I was one of "them". I learned that I knew the disease of addiction from the inside and out...If I knew anything I knew this and I stayed real with it all the time. It was like I reentered the disease and as a therapist and it was all so familiar each and every time we "grouped" or went "one on one" regardless who was sitting in the other chairs...I had been there...had the thoughts, did the behaviors, felt the feelings and reacted the very same way they did. We were always on the same page. Lots of times the client appreciated it and lots of time they didn't. Sometimes they thought I had weird powers to read their minds even when I was reminding them that no one could do that and I had their experiences. We won many battles and wars and lost some also and we had our relapses and deaths. I was told up front it would be like that. I was also told that it was okay to become a part of their life and that is what I needed...I needed to be close to my clients and client families so that we were "in it" together. I just loved the miracles...just as I love the miracles here. We don't lose...we progress...sometimes quickly and sometimes not and it will always happen when we work for it. Remember your journey Pink it is one of the very best tools you have. You've worn their shoes and today you know and know that you know what it is all about. The personality stuff is fluff nothing more. In support, and praying your recovery gets passed along. ((((hugs)))) smile

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Pinkchip - I'm sorry that one of your clients was lost this week - it must be difficult. You help lots of people as well though and I for one completely admire your honesty and humour.

I smiled in recognition at the comments you posted at the top of this page and plan to print the list so that I can put it in my book 'Birds of Britain and Europe'. Its always useful to have the tools to identify the calls of strangely flying folk

PS One extra call that I hear in these parts is 'I don't think alcohol is actually my problem' (so I'll have a drink before I start working on my real issues).

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

There have been some miracles Jerry. I need to focus on that cuz in the day to day, it's easier to hear complaining and see the relapses/chronicity of it. It's a struggle to not be overwhelmed by that and to not recognize that there is recovery going on around me there.

P.S. guys - There are some treatment centers that actually do confront these types of denial patterns more head on. They confront a lot more. I feel like we work to hard to appease our clients and sometimes it's not in their best interest... I also get that they are hurt and wounded people though and it would be degrading to hang signs on them saying "I complain too much" or make them hold a rattle if they act like a baby. There are some places that actually do those things.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I worked with a recovering addict who confronted addicts in what I considered to be horrible ways - not unlike the treatment centers you describe. In the end, I don't know that anyone's denial got broken through to for long. He just got meaner and meaner and destroyed good friendships along the way with people who weren't addicts. I'm glad you question the methods described. It's one thing to see through the disease to the person beneath it and not play into the disease's manipulations. It's quite another to go after the person beneath the disease in demeaning ways.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Pinkchip

I think that everyone deserves to be treated with respect in order to flourish. If I had to hold a baby rattle when I was in a strop I would probably start behaving better pretty fast (and get a fit of giggles), but if I was feeling got at I would also harbour some resentments about feeling humiliated. It is a knife edge really isn't it?

That said, It really helps me to cut through my own denial patterns when someone calls it as it is. Honesty is something that has been lacking in my life for a long time - clouded by unrealistic optimism, hope, politeness, good manners, fear, etc. etc.

I think that the people at your treatment centre are very very lucky to have you.

Tasha · Senior Member

We all need a vent sometimes. Wishing you a fresh start to a new day Pinky - Let go and let God xooxoxoxoxoxo

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.