The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I believe that if we allowed ourselves to feel what we truly feel in any given moment, there'd be fewer wars, less maltreatment of animals, less maltreatment of ourselves and therefore others, raping the earth of its resources, and playing god. Good that you recognized, Jozie, the lie in "Don't wear your feelings on your sleeves," with the help of a healthy person. My experience was that a whole new world in me opened up when I was with others who were given permission to feel their feelings and express them. It was the first and only time since very early childhood that I felt at home within myself and within the company of others who felt their feelings. Even returning Viet Nam vets who'd lost family members, spouses, friends because of horrific flashbacks healed as a result of feeling their feelings and being accepted and encouraged to express them. Two of them that I know of were later remarried and very happily. No more flashbacks haunted them. They'd been to therapists, taken meds - nothing helped - except self-encounter that allowed them to feel and express their feelings.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 15th of November 2013 05:06:29 PM
I have resently been working with my "Sponser"/"Sponsers" in trying to rerun the steps, I have Found out Many things in my Recovery, that was right there all along, I just needed someone Outside My Head to Point them Out...
I have Often been told that "My Problem" is: I Wear My Heart on My Sleeve... Well After having a Long, Grulling Chat with my Sponser, they Kindly Expressed, that is Not My Problem at all...That is the Essense of WHO I am... And thats OK...
All My Life, I Was Always trying to "BE" what everyone Around me wanted me to be! I was Raised to believe that what "others" thought of me was Important... That If it was Wrong in someone elses eyes then its Wrong, Even if "to Me" It Felt right... I was Taught that My Feelings where Not Worthy of Conversation but carried Many Circumstances if I Expressed them out of Text! I was Allowed to be Happy "Only" when it was Appropriate for Others... I Couldn't be Sad because I had to Pretend to Always just be "OK"... I Still Carry this with me at times, but I'm Grateful that Al-Anon is Showing me My Childhood Didn't Make me Who I Am... "I" Did & Its My Choice to Turn it around!
Its So Hard to Look back and Pull out the Ugly and Hand it to HP... Because I have Spent So Much Time Stuffing it Down trying to Pretend it wasn't Real... However thru this Process I have Learned that Many things about my Alcoholic Home were Nothing More then the Disease at work within my Home! I have Always Carried FEAR About Letting others down, because My Afather was the KING of Let Downs & Empty Promises! He Had Some Very Special Charateristics, but also Some Very Hurtful ones as well... And Since he is Gone Now, I have to Find Ways to Forgive him even tho he isn't here in the physical world anymore... Its WORK, Really is, because Even tho I was Always Daddy's Little Girl! The Pain He Caused me I know wasn't Intentional, and thank God Not Physical, but Mentally it Hurt! Emotionally it Hurt! And After So Many Years of Stuffing... Its Time to bring the Lid off, and Hand it to HP! SO the Work Begins again...
Just More Proof that I am a Work in Progress, and thank you all for not being Judgemental, and Always being Kind & Supportive, it is a Foriegn thing for alot of Me, and I know I Never want to take that for granted ...
My goodness Jozie .. you have very eloquently expressed something I have recently discussed I'm therapy. I didn't grow up in an A home however I was certainly told how to feel and what I was feeling was wrong. It is the earmarkings of a home. It's part of the reason I have spent so much time fighting my own emotions because i didn't even know how to identify what I was feeling. I knew and know when I'm angry. It's only recently I understood I feel anxious during specific situations. Anger is my go to emotion. I get very angry when I'm told how I feel .. lol. It's the equivalent of me burning myself on a stove and being told that didn't hurt. I went back though and what has helped was taking my own power back and affirming .. I have a right to MY feelings. They are neither right or wrong for me. Then I realized something else that was shocKing .. I'm no longer 6 years old and living under my parents roof. My feelings again are MY feelings! I've been very aware to draw boundaries inside my head and even verbalize out loud these are MY feelings and its ok if you (whomever) don't like them or if it causes discomfort .. this isn't about whomever it's about ME! Without these boards and the program of alanon my "normal" response would be anger and a whole lot of it! Welcome to the world of feelings :) they all have their place. Hugs â¥â¥
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((((((((((((Jozie)))))))))))) I SO relate to the "stuffing" and "not feeling unless it is *ok* for others" like i was never in the equation....
that was the seed for people pleasing, but programme has taught me that i have a right to my feelings, i can "be with my feelings" and i will NOT stuff them anymore....if it is appropriate for me to feel something and another does not like???? as long as i am not harming anyone, they either can get over it or detach from me, i don't care
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Yeppers we are from the same family....and now still we are apart of the same family still ...what grand fortune!! I read your post and remember the anxiety of the past to present and then the spiritual comfort of coming thru it and letting it fall off my shoulders to the floor like a ratty old coat. Letting go of "them" the ones that came before me with their practices, beliefs and teachings which wasn't working well for them and still thought they would work for me and that I should work them. All the resentments I held on to until I learned in my home group the truth, "they did the best they could with what they had" and when I came to understand and accept that I was free to retrain in my new Al-Anon Family. Such a blessing to free all the hostages I had taken with blame and shame. Jozie we are all a work in progress and I am grateful to watch you and all the other works in progress here and in program because I know if I do what you do I will get something different than what I have and need to change. No longer having to "people please"...what a concept. ((((hugs))))
I have resently been working with my "Sponser"/"Sponsers" in trying to rerun the steps, I have Found out Many things in my Recovery, that was right there all along, I just needed someone Outside My Head to Point them Out...
