Dear Debilyn.......dunno what to say that will be of any use , my fellow animal loving friend, but I wanted to validate you and let you know that you are cared about....

sending comfort hugssss

((Debilyn))

Some one else's shutting down is a HUGE trigger for me. Break ups or disagreements that have a back and forth flow of discussion can come to a sad conclusion, but often one that includes a more tangible understanding of why things won't work.

When some one shuts down- they're not really giving anything a chance- they're not giving themselves a chance to grow, they're not giving the relationship a chance to flourish, they're not including the other person in copiloting the outcome. They take matters into their own hands, without consent or empathy for the other person, and control their outcomes. To me, it's almost a form of dishonesty because it typically involves with-holding of valuable information from the other person. Bad pattern, fear, misinformation, whatever... we can't change someone else, only what we choose to put out there.

If I hadn't been true to myself and not made myself vulnerable, then I would not have been giving the relationship an honest opportunity for the best possible outcomes. It's not easy to be vulnerable; however, I doubt that a break up would hurt much less if I weren't honest and vulnerable... and, in this case, I would have niggling thoughts of "what if..." what if I had been honest- would the relationship still be blossoming today? I prefer to give a relationship my honesty, my vulnerability, and every opportunity from my side of the street. I understand the pain and hurt when some one cannot receive this or return this. What do I learn? I learn more about myself. I learn to believe someone when they show you their character- something that is revealed over time.

I love a few of the third party comments I receive from well- meaning friends about my ended relationship, too. (They were a bread store yesterday, but not today, could be one tomorrow, who knows lol) I feel that they either don't know me that well to be saying the things that they do or it's their own projection.

I'm sorry you're hurting- you're not alone. I'm glad you're here.

I wish I could just come up there and be with you right now. We could talk, laugh and enjoy the life you have. Too play with the animals and walk in the woods. To stuff our faces with some great food and watch movies until we can't watch anymore. To pray for our strength and courage to thrive and have happiness once again.

We all love you Debilyn...we are here.

(((( Debilyn ))))

Awareness is key.
We didn't get into a relationship because they mistreated us the first time we met. We grieve the good and the "know it could have been better".
We accepted that it wasn't and did what we needed to do. Courage to change the things we can.
We loved them. We lost them. We grieve.
(((Debilyn)))

I wake up with the uncontrollable tears and feel the aching in my heart sometimes too. You are right it does not mean I am not grateful for what I have. Those are what keep me going.
The other morning I got a good taste of my own medicine. It was sweet like sugar. What a gift. I was sitting on the couch and just had to let the tears flow. I thought that the kids were still fast asleep. My oldest daughter walked in and wrapped her arms around me, kissed me and told me she loved me. Then she looked at the clock and said "Mom, I know you are sad but I have to represent student council today to present a wreath at the remembrance day ceremony and need to be at school on time". Well I almost laughed and boy did I ever get off my butt and move. We made it and I am so very proud of her. Compassionate and realistic.

Grief is a process. Do what you need to do to keep going. It is different for everyone. There is no time line on when you should be ok. In your own way on your own time.


Much love and support
M