The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time on here. I'm not really sure where this post will go so I will just start with my story - My wife and I have been together for 3 years - had our union in March. I always knew she had an addictive personality and I guess I just always gave excuses. "Oh we are young we are suppose to drink" "oh she has alot going on" "Oh she is stressed". Drinking isn't a daily occurrence - but once she starts she doesn't know when to stop. She drinks 5+ drinks and becomes belligerent, mean and embarrassing in public. It has really started to wear on my self esteem and attitude. It used to happen maybe once every few weeks, now it is once a week. Over the weekend it happened again and her sister brought to my attention that perhaps she really had a problem. And it was a light bulb went off that my wife is an alcoholic. This moment of clarity has left me feeling helpless, scared and lost. We had a good conversation about it and she acknowledged that she needs help - going to AA tomorrow night. When I told her how I was feeling about it all - she broke down and appeared to feel terrible for how she was making me feel. Still an overwhelming moment to me to have a name for this and a label. Am I crazy or is this just part of the process?
You are in the right place. And I hope your wife stays going to her aa meetings. But now you have to leave her alone to her aa friends and you have to dig deep into alanon and find out in yourself how you got to this point. Alanon will help you and your relationships.
You are correct acknowledging is the first step to recovery. You and your wife are on your way.
Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured. AA is a successful program of recovery for the alcoholic. We who lived with the disease have also been seriously affected and need a program of recovery . Al anon is that program . Face to face meetings are held in most communities. Please check the white pages for the hot line number and call for a meeting list.
If you really want to be "living in the Calm" please take care of yourself and keep coming back
Welcome to MIP,
It is a great place to read stories from other people and to discover that you are not alone on this journey.
I'm so sorry that you and your wife are going through this and I do hope that you find some balance returning.
You are not crazy by the way - but I sure can relate to you asking that question because I know I've asked it of myself many times! We just have some realities to deal with that are not foreseen and pretty challenging. Well done on naming the behaviour that you saw. As Betty said, looking after yourself is a good priority.
I'm looking forward to seeing you join us on these pages.
Have a good day
Thank you all for your kind words. Unfortunately, the only Al Anon meetings near me are not held in English as we live in a very Polish neighborhood! I have been reading the posts on this site and it is a relief to know I am not alone and that I am not over reacting. I read a book once that said act like you want to feel - hence living in the calm. I will get through this calmly, level headed and rationally and hopefully our family ends up stronger on the other side. My partner and I were planning on starting the adoption process in the coming years, so I know this realization was a blessing in disguise as it is far better to get this under control now rather than once we start a family. I know her drinking is not as severe as some others have experienced, but who knows how it could progress if I continue to turn a blind eye. I am glad she is getting help and can only hope that she sticks to it. It is a perfect time for me to be reading The Happiness Project! For those of you that are looking for a good quick read - I highly recommend. It has given me some great ideas on how to make each day happier and more fulfilling.
You will find many kindred spirits here who have probably felt the same "crazy" feelings you had or have. Those are part of our disease. Alcoholism is a disease, and we are at dis ease. It is just as important for US to work the steps and learn healthy attitudes as it is for the Alcoholic. Awareness is most certainly essential. There is no right way or wrong way to work the steps. For me I find that awareness of my behaviors as it pertains to an idea is helpful.
For example: Step one "We admitted we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable." That concept of powerlessness reminds me that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and can't control it. It allowed me the freedom from the (for some reason) guilt I carried, It freed me from the idea that I HAVE to figure out how to make it better, and that since I can't control it - I need to stop trying. It also reminds me that my thought process and ways of dealing with my AH as well as other stresses in my life were not working, thus my life was unmanageable. my life was a mess, I was anxious, I lost myself and so on. Ironically I have learned NOT to "manage" my life. I learn to let life flow over me, I don't try so hard to fight it anymore. I try to connect with my higher power and try to learn from everything that happens to me.
This simple simple phrase is extremely powerful on many levels. I had heard it a hundred times, and only recently did it really zing for me. I anticipate that I will probably hear it another 100 times and It will zing again. That is why I go to meetings and read on the board. (and post on the board). As I read of others experiences and epiphanies, it helps me to see how my mind works or doesn't work. I learn about myself through others. I learn how to practice healthy ways of thinking through others successes, and support each other in our "failures".
Many blessing to you and your wife. keep coming back.
please take care of yourself and keep coming back 
