The material presented
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How is it, Know Matter How Hard I Try... I Still have "Triggers" that Can Set me in a Tail Spin So Fast, that even if "Nothing Happens" I still get Overwelmed with Emotions...
I Sure don't have "All" the Triggers I Once Had, for Some I Can Now See Logical Sense out of, but there are others, wether it be a Name, or an action of someone, or be Seeing Someone that Has Hurt Me Deeply... I Jump on the Train Bound to No WHERE, and Ride it To Dang Near Insanity...
I Know I Can Love the Person, without Liking their Behavior & or Disease, I Know I have No Control over the Outcome of Their Choices, I Know that Their Business is None of My Business even when they Try and Make it So! So When I Step Back from it... "After the Fact" I can See it Makes No Sense to Put myself Whirling, Yet... In the Moment... I Take Flight! And Fast!
Being a "Work in Progress" on a Daily Basis Never Could have Happened without Al-Anon & the Love & True Friendship I have in my Program... But Even With all the things I Know & All the Things I Learn, I Still have My Back Sliding Moments Where I Just get so Mad at Myself for Even "reacting" Mentally to Such Nonsense! SO Even After I Jump off of the Runaway Train, I Then Have to Deal with the Disappointment I Carry in Me, for Falling for it One More time!
I think I Tend to Forget at times that this Disease Is Cunning & Baffling, but also that Those IN the Disease are SUPER Manipulators, & Puppet Masters...and Boy do I Hand them the Keys to Crazy Train at times! I am Grateful for the Knowledge of Working My Program and Knowing that Even During Back Slides, I'm Still Learning & Growing...
We had a Great F2F Meeting last night and it was about HP and doing our best to keep him sitting on our Shoulder always... And I Think for Me at times I Forget long enough to put myself Spinning, but i Know its HP Still Trying to Show me Where I Need to Work!
I was Lucky Enough this Past Weekend to get to make One Day of a Local Convention, and even tho I Do my Meetings twice a week, and read My books, HP Made it Loud & Clear Its time to hit the Books again with more Honesty, More Self Love, More of Releasing the Past that Haunts Me, and Learning to Love even the Unlovable... Or the Triggers that Keep Holding Me Back! I'm Grateful I Never Learned to Hate, even after all the Pain, but At Times I'm Ungrateful for the Fact that Once Trust with me Is Broken, Forgiveness Takes So Long if It can Happen at all, wether that be Forgiving Them.. OR Forgiving Myself for Not Seeing the Signs Sooner... And those that Went Straight for the Core of My Heart, Even if "IN" the Disease of Addiction... I Just Can't Place the Welcome Mat Before them... It Just Hurts to Much...
So I Guess for Me Today is a Great Day to Start Back at Step 1.... I Am POWERLESS... And the Only Way I Know to Do that, is start back over at One! And Keep Moving Forward... So Here I Go Again...
Thanks for Being Here, And Thank You to ALL Our Veterans today & Everyday... Wether Past, Present or Future! I Solute You....
((((((((((((((((((((((J)))))))))))))))))))))))) triggers are always gonna be there for us, but AWARENESS is the key, i see in your post.....U R aware....U R willing to do what u gotta do.........maybe its our shadow side (taught to me by a dear alanon friend) that likes to exacerbate those triggers but we can say "ok, guys, I feel this...acknowledge this...but we are not gonna get overwhelmed by this....so feel and deal then we let go"
used to be i would get on that very same train that you do and i do "buy my ticket and almost board at times" but i become aware and i feel and deal and then i step off the boarding ramp, but only bc i work my program.....feel and deal , honestly, acceptance rather than fighting it and it dissipates faster
Huggin ya tight, my little buddy
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
It does take some time to be released from al our triggers. I made more progress when I understood that by forgiving and releasing the anger and resentment toward these people I did not have to change, embrace them as my long lost friend and welcome them into my home or heart again. I could choose to let go of the anger, forgive their actions and then decide to stay detached from them, wish them well and continue on with my life.
I still live by essence of the idea that to "Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me
Please continue to be the "Miracle in Progress" that you are.
by forgiving and releasing the anger and resentment toward these people I did not have to change, embrace them as my long lost friend and welcome them into my home or heart again. I could choose to let go of the anger, forgive their actions and then decide to stay detached from them, wish them well and continue on with my life.
I still live by essence of the idea that to "Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me
beautiful, Betty....i have been working on this very same thing AND seeing progress......for me it was "how long do i want them to infect my life????" when i put it that way, it was easier to be WILLING to release me from the anger, ill will, revenge, grudges, etc...and like u said...4giveness is an action of ONE....me....that does not mean i am going to ever let them in my life or my heart, it does not mean what they did was "ok" it just means, i am cutting them and their negativity off of me....send them peace and ask HP to help them surrender to love and walk away
reconcilliation is an action of TWO....I will not reconcile w/one who has betrayed me or done something purposefully bad w/out feeling sorrow and making amends and even then, I can let go, but trust broken??? i don't go back.....i can wish them well as i walk away.......when i see it this way it is easier to release me from all the toxicity that goes w/holding grudges and revenge.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Jozie, you always blow me away with your depth and vulnerable honesty! This program is a lifeling one for me just for this very reason. Thank you for this share I so needed it tonight, sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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