The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a secret. It has been eating me alive. It has prevented me from coming to this room.
So here goes
My problem is this. (boy, this is hard to put down in type for all to see....)
I took up smoking pot with my husband.
There, that is it. That is the big skeleton that I have hung up for months now.
Inside myself, I think that I must be a horrible person. Why? Because I thought for so many years that my husband was a terrible person. I felt that all that was wrong was wrong because I was/am married to someone who smokes pot and hides it.
I am so afraid to press the post button. I am so afraid to let people know this side of me. The only person that knows is my husband. I have been so anti drugs. I am afraid to be judged like I have judged people. I have judged even the most sickly people that honestly smoked for medical reasons. I judged my father, my brother, my uncle. If I smelled it, that meant instantly that you were an asshole with no direction in life.
But I have direction. My finances are stil in control. In fact, if anything, things have improved. I have been less critical of people. I have stopped judging my husbands character, and just accepting him as he is. Most importantly, my PMS symptoms take a dramatic change.
This does not make me a bad person. I am the same as I was before. Good work ethic, good mom, good friend, good neighbor. I am a good cook, organized, and friendly. I will do anything for anybody, as long as it doesn't comprimize my family.
Well there ya go Aron, and see....? You let out your big secret, and the world is still continuing on.... lol
I would only offer up one concern, and completely from my perspective. I'm not gonna get into the whole philosophical debate over pot vs. alcohol etc., but for me - I chose to give up drinking, when I had the hopes/expectations that my A wife would as well.... I just don't see how we can "participate with" our A's, on such activities.
No judgement.... just my opinion
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I totally agree with you! I am stuck. It helps me lighten up so much...
I can't change him right, but does this make me a codependant/enabler? Will it make any difference? If I never touched the stuff, would that mean he would be sober tomorrow? Honestly Tom, I don't think he will ever be sober.
Thanks for your honest input, even if it does sting...LOL
I also have been guilty of drinking with my husband.Deep down inside I knew I shouldn`t but I figured why should I not drink?..I don`t have a problem.You are not alone..I completely understand and it took alot of guts to admit that.Good luck
You are not the first person involved w/ an A who began to drink/use w/ the A. It's not that all uncommon. I will not put a label of codie etc on it. I think that is for you to decide. There is some reading you can do that may help you decide this.
I would be concerned that you are believe that your using has allowed you to be less critical and helped you w/ your PMS. If that is the case you are using for effect and that could be dangerous in the long hall.
Well, I hope you finally feel better for letting it out. And guess what, we still love you in that special alanon way. {{Aron}}
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Well, makes no difference if we agree or disagree about pot.
That's the great thing about us al-anoners. It's myob.
We all have choices to make ... the A's and all. Honesty has been the biggest part of my healing with this program. What I have done or haven't done in my life ... it's all part of me - good and bad. I accept that and take another step.
I admit sometimes I have been like you though, with these "deep dark secrets" and feel like the world is going to stop revolving if I let it out. LOL
Just the fact that you are here shows that you want things to change ... that's where it all begins.
