The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just sitting quietly today and reflecting, meditating and in contact with my HP.
I don't know if this is others' experience but it came to me that since joining Al-Anon some years ago I became very involved with Service, I think maybe as a diversion from living with an active A. It did help, it gave me a different focus and a chance to contribute in some way. Thinking more deeply I have come to realise that this has always been my response to trauma or emotional upset - "Don't just sit there - do something".
I no longer live day to day with an active A but I still spend much of my time keeping busy, I still do service in my District, but I also keep busy doing other stuff not related to Al-Anon. I think this has helped me to develop and grow but there is a nagging voice in my mind today saying "are you really facing your fears, are you spending enough time just being with you?" This can be an enlightening process, I still struggle sometimes to understand just who "me" is?
In a sense what I am grappling with is balance, because at times being busy causes me to be resentful. Equally when I am not busy I can drift somewhat and find myself replaying the 'old tapes' of the bad days and when I do that my TRUST becomes shaky and I start to feel vulnerable and uncertain.
I will continue to sit with me today, in time I am sure my HP will guide me on the right path. Thanks for listening
Yes, I hear you. I realized I have to schedule quiet time, usually first thing in the morning, otherwise I am off and running. When I get busy and begin to feel resentful, I go uh oh...I did it again. Then there are times when I need to get busy, and really need the distractions of busy work so I don't get too self absorbed. Awareness of my actions has been the key to keeping all of this in a healthy balance. Thanks for you share!
I agree finding the "Middle Road" is often difficult. I found if I start my day with readings from the C2C,ODAT and a few other mediation books and take a few minutes to sit and think about what I read I have given myself the best chance I have to hear HP's guidance for my day.
The ODAT tells me that sometimes HP"s will is for me to just rest, smell the roses or horror of horrors DUST So I try not to become too creative with what I believe HP wants. and go about my day
Part of the balance I seek is finding things to do that please me. I can get so busy doing everything else for everyone else and not one fun thing for me. More than just my quiet time drinking coffee, I need to seek out fun things, spend some of my hard earned money doing something that makes me happy, something that makes me wonder if I'm being selfish but doing it because I know that I need things for me too!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Great topic, thanks for sharing. I have always been busy, as soon as I slowed down I would think and thinking often led me to uncomfortable truths, while I was living with alcoholism. People get excited about holidays and time off work whereas I often dreaded these breaks and even now I can still think oh oh here comes holidays brace myself for the rough times. I recognize this as avoiding myself and my thoughts and I too would like to get to know myself better and get it all out on the table and work through it. Recently I can see and feel a change in me in terms of I can slow down, rest, meditate and I can actually go searching within myself, I am no longer as scared to look at myself as I have learned that I can forgive myself as I would others in my life.
So I try not to become too creative with what I believe HP wants. and go about my day