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I sure could use support right now to stop the reeling in my head....Last time I posted, my ABF was involuntarily committed to a treatment center in June after 12 unsuccessful detoxes/rehabs in 18 mos. The one new addition to his plan which seemed to help was Naltrexone which he took x 3 mos. Prior to that he would start drinking the day he got out of rehab. He has been sober for the past 5 mos, has been going to meetings, got a good job after not working x 15 mos, is taking an online Behavioral Specialist advanced certificate course and had been spending a lot of really wonderful time together at my place. He was BACK!! Over the past 5 days he stopped eating, didn't go to work on Friday and looks to be up to 2 pints of 100 proof/day so far. We don't live together, so today I stopped in and he looked as bad as times he had been drinking non-stop x 3 weeks without eating a thing. I refilled his Naltrexone and he took his first dose...but is still drinking. Good God...he has to go to work on Monday...and by the looks of things he isn't going to make it. My head is spinning!! Last Sat he chaired his AA meeting and last Sunday he and I spent a wonderful day and evening together. He was supposed to come with me to visit my Dad tomorrow, but I told him that if he isn't sober, don't bother, and he isn't welcome at my home if he has been drinking. I'm so upset....what the heck happened? If he doesn't get his act together he could be on the fast-track to homelessness. I don't drink and didn't grow up around alcoholism....this is insanity to me...where did your last drink get you? What should I do, if anything? Sit back and watch? I know I need to connect with the Alanon group in my area. I just want the guy I had for the past 5 mos back. Any advice to soothe this heavy heart will be greatly appreciated.
I am so sorry for this disappointment. Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease which can be arrested but not cured. What you have experienced many of us who love an alcoholic have lived through and understand only too well. I agree this is a form of insanity and the best you can do is seek out alanon meetings for yourself and develop new tools to live by
The 1st Step in both AA and alanon , as that we admit we are powerless over alcohol, the 2nd STEP enables us to come to believe that a Higher Power will restore us to sanity We too need to seek this restoration. Living with this disease our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions
I am so so sorry and feel the hurt you have right now. I too have gone through it so many times and have finally through work just let my HP have it. I took a lot of prayer and program to get me to this place. I still will have hurt and heartbreak but it will not take over my life. I can detach from him and love him with kindness and let him live his life as he see fit.
In some way we do step back and start taking care of ourselves. If we don't we become enmeshed in the sanity and fear and our lives become unmanageable.
You are not alone here so keep coming back because the ESH will help you.
Let go Let God....
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
i totally understand what you are going through. my AH was sober for many years. active in AA. one day we were at a wedding and he had a glass of wine. that was it! he started drinking all over again....this time worse that before. he has now been sober for 3+ years and looks at each day as a blessing. this disease is so cunning and baffling. he is not "cured" i know he could pick up a drink at any time and the cycle will start all over again. thank god he has his program and i have mine. i am so sorry for your hurt. many of us have been there. it is so disappointing for both us and the alcoholic. i HATE alcoholism.
what happened???? he is an alcoholic......until they have been in program and really working it for , say, at LEAST 5 years, an habitized, they are at risk of slip...relapse....dunno the percentages of successes or failures but i would say the longer they are in program, the better chance they can make it
this is why i won't touch anyone who is addict or alkie.......been through too much with them and not again....
thank goodness u r not living w/him and not married so you can easily get out if that is what you wish to do....
i would work on me...work on self discovery....work the steps w/a good sponsor who can help you understand yourself and what makes you tick......working step 4 helped me understand why i married into this insanity two times......it was different wounds with in me that were unresolved and thus, i married into what i grew up with.....this insanity was familiar....and i was used to being with emotionally unavailable people.....
if this were me, i would let it go...distance myself b/c i am going to need that time to work on ME....to hep ME.....program is not a magic wand...it is a "life storms survival guide and a get to know yourself for the fist time 101 workbook" program helps us not drown in the stormy seas of life......but WE have to reach out...We have to do the work...WE have to save our own lives.....WE have to accept that we can change NOTHING but our own selves and that is a full time job....then u stay in program to maintain what you fought so hard to obtain....
thank your lucky stars or your HP that A, you are not living w/him and B, you are not married to this because if you were, you would be spending full time energy on detachment and learning to live for yourself BY yourself b/c his booze is going to be #1 UNLESS he gets into program and works it minimum 5 years to REtrain his thought patterns.........
in alanon we dont' say "go or stay" we just give our experience on this topic.....IF u decide to stay w/him, the first 5 years , you are gonna be "touch and go" with this....your life will be a constant wait and see....so it is imperative that you marry alanon and stay w/it....otherwise his insanity will take you down with him.......and even alanoners get tired of it and go...........its up to you....your choice.....if he loses his job, and really hits the pavement, MAYBE, that will be his wake up call, but no guarantees.......
JUST saying.....take what u can use and leave the rest.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Have been there so many times and can only echo what has been said. I have remained in contact with my exA - he has never got into a program and therefore he still relapses with a degree of regularity. We haven't lived together or been intimate for a long time, that is a blessing.
I still have feelings for him and hate to see what he is doing to himself - but by being in Al-Anon, working the Steps with my sponsor I can ensure that I focus on me. This has been a bad week, I have to go in for further medical tests - possibly the dreaded C, frightening of course but I keep reminding myself that Faith is the answer - I lived in Fear for too long when I lived with my A. I have Al-Anon friends who love me and I know will be there for me if I need them. I pray to my HP and must trust his plans for me.
My ex is in a relapse period at the moment, sad for him, no program to support him - truly a miserable and sad existence - I hope that one day he may find the Peace and Serenity that I have come to enjoy.
Without this program I would be insane by now, head reeling, instead I am enjoying a peaceful Sunday and I hope that you look after yourself and remember that none of us can 'fix' another however much we love them
Thanks everyone for your supportive and caring words. I truly appreciate the time you spent to reply and felt the collective nudge to get to Alanon asap! ) I'll post later with updates and will try to find an online meeting too. Thanks again...your wisdom and caring have made me feel better. (((hugs)))
) I'll post later with updates and will try to find an online meeting too. Thanks again...your wisdom and caring have made me feel better. (((hugs)))