The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
My dad is home for the weekend. I spent some time with him today. He went on one of his rants advising me not to trust anyone in this world and that eveyone's out to screw you over. It was extremelly depressing and it honnestly felt like a mirror. I could see where I was getting my bitterness from. It seemed like I was absorbing it without even realizing it.
Today, a friend texted. He suggested we visit someone we know about an hour away. I felt that was far and said no initially. He pressed and I eventually told him the real reason. 'Everytime we're there it's just the two of you kissing his dad's butt (who is well off) for 3 hours and I don't want to sit through that.' He laughed and said I'll pick you up at this time.
I am very bitter about those who get help from their parents. People say 'you'll be better off for it, by doing it by yourself'. Really? I don't see you going it alone. Why would you also not want to be better off?
I have so many good things going for me and in my life, but all anyone seems to enjoy doing is flaunting their trophy cases. I have trophies. I just don't care to rub them in your face and the things I consider trophies are not tangible material items they can see.
Time for an inventory Jim? Just got out of a meeting where one of the questions was...why do I CHOOSE to feel this way with one of the responses being my ego and pride feel hurt and so...That was one of the responses I related to...I had the choice to feel something other than default negatives and then didn't until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is a page in the ODAAT daily reader which talks about taking the bitter with the better that helped me to ease my toxic emotions. Hope you get thru it soon cause you deserve to give yourself better. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
((SJ)) Boundaries, inventory, gratitude lists, asset lists, asking "what for" instead of "why me" all go a long way to help rebalance facts with feelings and shed the negativity. When I start going down the path you describe, it's true that I've had some things much harder than the average person; but I've also been blessed with some unique and wonderful experiences and talents that an average person is not likely to have. I have a journey of accepting what is and being resourceful where I can.
