The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Whatever you let in your mind usually stays in your mind I heard recently. It is a shame that some things never go away. I have memories of crap that I try to let go of but they never really leave. Bad experiences can really taint the way you feel about life & how you live your life. I am totally for this philosophy. I am currently dealing w/ an issue that I can't seem to shake that has been going on since my early 20's. It is unfortunate that it is so personal that I really can't share it on here. Please don't try to figure it out. It hurts to think that someone would assume anything on here. Anyhow, I will work my program to the best of my ability w/ this issue. I just wish it were easier to let it go. If you ever find yourself w/those negative thoughts what do you do about them? I really need feedback. I don't want to go to a counselor w/ this.
In the meantime, I will be OK. I just need to not focus on all that negative stuff.
I guess some of us need to keep an open mind when it comes to the affairs of the heart.
If you are open to letting it go, you might consider hypnotherapy. It's not for everyone but perhaps worth considering. Lately I am trying not to judge my thoughts too, just let them be. I hope you find peace and clarity.
I wish it were easier to let go, too. Breaking attachment and associated feelings can be overwhelmingly challenging; EFT and certain kinds of trauma care techniques (done by a specialist) are helpful adjuncts to help stop reliving the raw feelings that have sneaky ways of resurfacing.
I agree, it is difficult to deal with those troublesome thoughts and memories, especially without feeling that we can trust someone to hear us without judgement.
I live in an isolated place and I was brought up not to be a bother to others so there are lots of times when my mind obsesses on something that I wish I could just leave be or unload with a loving friend.
I have found that sitting quietly and asking myself 'how do I feel with this thought?' helps me. As I've said before, the thought often slides away - which is great. If it sticks around then I try to keep my focus on it in a friendly, non-judgemental way. This helps me to identify why the thought keeps coming back - what is it that I am feeling? What is it that is unresolved and can I do anything about it??? If I can't then I have to just accept it which I do by saying 'hello there, I'm sorry you are troubled by this. I can't doing anything about this so what shall we do instead?'
I also recognise that I get bored, frustrated and tired of myself for being negative and then I start to think about what I can do that might make me feel better. What enthuses me? Sadly we can't change the past but we can learn from it I think.
They say that you only have to think a thought twenty times and it starts creating a shortcut in your brain - not great when Im holding negative thoughts but it shows promise when it comes to thinking about the good things in life! The best thing I can say about negative experiences is that they are phenomenally powerful learning curves
-- Edited by milkwood on Saturday 9th of November 2013 05:43:45 AM
When memories keep resurfacing for me, writing them down and how I feel about what happened helps me step back and from the story that keeps attracting my attention. Often, I can reframe what I believe about what happened in the written memory a different way.
For example, a family member withdrew their support of something that I couldn't do for myself. My belief was that that family member's choice altered my life negatively for all time. I believed they didn't love me and that they didn't see how withdrawing their support from something important to me at a critical time would send me on a downward spiral.
By writing the memory down, my feelings and beliefs about it I could reframe it. I reframed it in this way: It is true that their withdrawn support did alter my life's goals at that time. It is equally true that I didn't consider other avenues for doing what I wanted to do and believed that they were the only source of support for that life goal I had at that time. My choices following their withdrawn support altered my life's goals for that time.
Knowing who I am today, I know that I am doing something similar to what I wanted to do way back in time. The withdrawn support didn't mean I wasn't loved. The withdrawn support wasn't the critical factor in my life goals changing for that time. My choices were the deciding factor at that time. I still do what I wanted to do. I just do it differently than what I believed was the only way to do it back then.
I become willing to let go of the beliefs that have hurt me about that particular time in my life by reframing what I believed to be true.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 9th of November 2013 07:49:20 AM
I know that Pushka has tried EMDR and found it to be quite helpful in her recovery. You may want to take a look at it and see what it's all about and if there are any therapists who use this therapy. I have a lot of memories from childhood and young adulthood that haunt me and I know that I have to write them down, then burn them, or let the dog rip up the paper for me, etc. Also, I know that things are painful but sharing them with a therapist or trusted friend really is one of the better ways to release it and get that monkey off your back. Hugs to you!
