The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That is very powerful, Ilovedogs. Thank you. Pretend Land is a great way of putting it. I have seen it in my mind's eye in the past, of being like one of those glass cake domes, where I could have fun and be MYSELF only if I were underneath the cake dome and didn't step outside that onto the eggshells.
Whoo boy I don't want to live like that any more. And thinking about it like, "I'm either myself and alone, or with someone and not myself" doesn't really make much logical sense to me any more, because in fact when I'm with someone and am too afraid to be myself, I'm not really 'with' them anyway! So there goes that myth/argument.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Friday 8th of November 2013 01:05:38 PM
I hope everyone has a very blessed day today and a beautiful weekend. No matter what is going on in our lives, we still have the right to be happy and to experience peace and joy and serenity. For many years, I was happy but it was a happiness that was in denial. I was in 'pretend' land, where abuse was OK and where I could take on people mistreating me and not being bothered by it, because I just didn't know what was right or what was wrong or what a boundary is. Now, I know these things and I can truly be happy for myself. I am getting to know my HP even more so today, I am feeling at peace within myself, and I am truly joyful in knowing that I am loved and knowing that I am accepted for who I am. I don't need to be fake anymore, I can be me and I can be OK with that.
I am ever so glad I do not need to live in "pretend" land anymore. I am usually quite withdrawn in big social settings. Always the fear that I was never good enough. I heard what everyone was saying but just had no input. I was a "loser" who couldn't get things right.
I received a message last night from my HP. It was like a great big hug. In the midst of what could have been a disaster I became still and just listened. I promise you it is was so worth the gift that was given. Who woulda thought!!??! My loser button went M.I.A. and in its place I was humbled with what I had come to learn. A person who I thought "had the perfect life" had an A at home just like me. (There is that part of my defect to judge from what I think I know. Its a W.I.P. to which I sure hope learns soon how to R.I.P.) The pretending to cover up the very same sorrow and feeling of isolation I felt. Compassion overwhelmed me. I remind myself of a very important message "Be kind to all of those you meet for they may be fighting a battle you know nothing about".
((ILD)) This is wonderful- you're a miracle in progress!!! Keep working it and having more and more days like today! Shedding that heavy negative illusion that I had collected and carried around like priceless gold (but NOT) is incredibly freeing.... to look in the mirror and see myself through my eyes instead of those of a sick person... I still need to look in the mirror to check and be sure and with the help of Alanon - yep, I'm me.
