Raven Juniper wrote:

---

Hello everyone, I would like to ask for ESH from those of you who have parted ways with your (non-violent) A partner. What became the breaking point, how did it come about, etc...?

 

---

 with A#1 it was verbal abuse, drinking and missing work and getting either laid off or he would quit bc he knew the axe was going to fall.....i saw no hope bc he wanted no recovery.....i saw no hope of a life but being abused, shamed, worried about finances bc he would not work after he lost prev. job...

with A#2 it was i did NOT want to watch him die.....i loved him...still do bc he was sweet to me, and we had a ball together...we laughed and played together, we had a hell of a fun life, but he was a STONE alcoholic....during work he was straight..(he was chief petty officer in navy)  so he never , at least while i was with him jeopardized his job.....alcohol is progressive.....i knew if not arrested, he would start losing his health...his liver was enlarged...that was kinda the last straw,  seeing him slowly go down hill, physically from the drink.......

i just knew i was facing illness and widowhood staying with him, so i kicked him out..........i circled a date on the calandar   that day he goes to AA and i to alanon or we split.........the booze was more important to him b/c i ended up kicking him out....it was peaceful...we both cried.....I SO hate substance abuse.....unless they get into rehab and 12 steps, it is a slow death.....i wanted no part of it.....i wanted to LIVE, not to die....

Ifnotforgrace wrote:

---

It does no good to drown along side another. Once I realized that my qualifier had no interest in recovery and that his addiction was& had indeed progressed, he became more self-adsorbed and his life centered on alcohol and his activities were drinking centered as were his friends. He was not capable of being my partner and I was not interested in being his caregiver/taker.

I have never known of a case of alcoholism that did not involve at least emotional or verbal abuse of a spouse. These things violated my personal boundaries so I left and I was sad for what "could have been"

---

 that is what i feel, too.....if there is no recovery, no arresting the drinking,  no SERIOUS and extensive 12 steps AA work, what is the point??? like u said   "no good to drown along side another"   to go down with  ship that is sinking....If i see the boat has no hope of floating, I am bailing out....bc  it is true....SOME abuse does occur....even AH#2  he was good to me but he would at times, do stuff like leave stoves on, or burn stuff in my skillets.....i had to watch him....and i got tired of being his (when he was plowed)  baby sitter......and had i stayed with him, i would have been his caregiver when the booze took out his body, piece by piece......i have seen end stage alcoholics and it is an UGLY sight.......i remember my mother at end stages...her smell and her bleeding all the time, messing up her clothes and bedding....it was awful......i was not gonna go through that again.......

Aloha Raven...I relate and your post reminded me of what it was like then.  I was working the program doing my part for my life and the disease kept trying to creep into my recovery space.  I stopped being a carrier and insulated my self from it and that took leaving the atmosphere.  I couldn't see a future with more and more of it (it is progressive) so I said "done" and was.   Thanks to the program and my sponsorship I made the 6th split the last split...Done.   I was also told not to look over my shoulder once I turned away and that helped cause I could have had another 3+ years not knowing if I would have lived thru it.   Hope it's not old bait you're cutting. ((((hugs))))