What to do? - Al-Anon Family Group

Venera · Senior Member

What to do?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Venera

Congrats on your new baby. Since you just gave birth, it might be helpful if you could go and stay with family members so you can regain your strength and make healthy choices.

I am so sorry that this disease is so very active in your life right now and will pray for your peace

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Venera...

...this is a terrible illness... and its not like a broken leg- other people cannot really see what is going on...

...in Alanon we support each other because we have bin there, done that...

Alanon does not set out 'to get 'em sober'. That has to be the drinker's choice. But it does provide experience strength and hope- so that we can take care of ourselves... smile

here is a video clip about the birth of Alanon...

take care, ma'am, and keep coming back...

DavidG.

Venera · Senior Member

I have nowhere to go except for a hotel, My family is not close. I can't leave the house because i have 3 kids, it would be so much easier if he left to a hotel, which he did. I have to put the kids on the bus and then pick them up from the bus, i have everything set in the house for them, it is so difficult to leave. We used to have a guest room, where i could go sleep if he was drinking, but now it has been replaced by a nursery, so i would have to sleep on the floor, while he will be watching tv, passing out and then ending the day on a king size bed by himself. But me and the baby sleeping elsewhere. I am ready to separate but in Texas there is no legal separation, it is only divorce which will take at least 60 days. All i want now is to get him out of the house.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear you Venera.

Is it possible to get out to face to face meetings? If not coming here to our on line meetings and reading the board can help you to feel connected and supported Any adjustments you can make to your home temporally might also help

In my thoughts

Venera · Senior Member

I cant go to f2f because i have to get my kids from school and there is no baby sitter for them. I may try to go to a mtg tomorrow, i have not been to one before, always have an excuse of not going, just afraid to meet someone i know there.
I will sleep in another room on the floor today, not too bad, but just tired of letting him have the best when he is doing bad.
Thank you for your support!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

venera, he is not doing "bad" he is doing what an addict does. It's his nature.We know from experience he will get worse.

I am more concerned about your being afraid. He even pushed the mattress where they baby could have been! He has you, a tired mom sleeping on the floor. I am sure he is scaring your kids also. What is it about you that allows this? NOT blaming, more hoping you can really look at the situation. Your kids and you do not have to live like this, it is not right and it is abuse!

Their actions put us in tough situations that over time make us very sick, from one thing, being stress, and another they wear us down to forget there is a better world away from them. NOT saying to leave at all. But everyone in an abusive situation needs to make a decision to make things safe.

Please contact your domestic violence group. You can call the Dept of Human Services to get a contact to a group that can educate you and help. I learned so much the very first time I went. They are not abusive because they are an A. They would abuse anyway.

Our kids learn skill for life from us. Is this what you want them to learn from? You sound very bright, and very caring, its up to you to get you and the kids safe!

Him or you going to a hotel is not the answer. Plus a driving drunk is not a great idea!

Sounds like you do have family, but they are not close. Have you spoken with them? You are sure in a dangerous position. If you want to pm me I would be happy to listen and problem solve with you. I care very much about you and your kids! love, debilyn

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:
venera, he is not doing "bad" he is doing what an addict does. It's his nature.We know from experience he will get worse.
I am more concerned about your being afraid. He even pushed the mattress where they baby could have been! He has you, a tired mom sleeping on the floor. I am sure he is scaring your kids also. What is it about you that allows this? NOT blaming, more hoping you can really look at the situation. Your kids and you do not have to live like this, it is not right and it is abuse!
Their actions put us in tough situations that over time make us very sick, from one thing, being stress, and another they wear us down to forget there is a better world away from them. NOT saying to leave at all. But everyone in an abusive situation needs to make a decision to make things safe.
Please contact your domestic violence group. You can call the Dept of Human Services to get a contact to a group that can educate you and help. I learned so much the very first time I went. They are not abusive because they are an A. They would abuse anyway.
Our kids learn skill for life from us. Is this what you want them to learn from? You sound very bright, and very caring, its up to you to get you and the kids safe!
Him or you going to a hotel is not the answer. Plus a driving drunk is not a great idea!
Sounds like you do have family, but they are not close. Have you spoken with them? You are sure in a dangerous position. If you want to pm me I would be happy to listen and problem solve with you. I care very much about you and your kids! love, debilyn

I "quoted" Debilyn's entire post so you would see it AGAIN....this is the best ESH on this situation I can think of......I agree....I would find the address of a domestic violence shelter where experts can help you with getting him out and help u jump start your life

this guy sounds scary to me...when u mentioned him pushing the special baby bed, that shook me up....when it involves teeny kids, or ANY minor child, I get real worried and concerned.....been through this drama and misery as a child myself and my AH#2 was never a danger to my girls, so no worries about him, but NEVER would i have lasted 5 years with AH #1 had i had little kids...

and like Deb said....do you really want the kids learning and copying this behaviour???? a sweet, gentle drunk, u can kinda get around, but this guy sounds scary to me......like he is "this far away" from getting abusive physically....

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