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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do you trust your gut and not take all the blame for everything?
Post Info TOPIC: How do you trust your gut and not take all the blame for everything?
bijela


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How do you trust your gut and not take all the blame for everything?
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I am trying SO HARD to trust my gut and not blame myself for other's behavior.  I get this overwhelming sense of guilt that I did something wrong when logicially, I didn't.  I guess it is the whole ACOA thing where you are blamed for everything that happens in the house that the addict had brought onto the house.

I am trying so hard not to believe all the negative, abusive things that is being thrown at me now by my father, brother and exboyfriend.

I am thinking of just moving out to a shelter rather than deal with the sickness of my parents' place.  It is really making my epilepsy and lupus flare up.

I wasn't able to even drive to a meeting because of my health and of course my family refused to do it because they think that it's "all a bunch of new agey BS."

 



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karma13


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As a Acoa , I would have to say I have been able to this slowly, as they say in Alanon one day at a time. I still don't like it if people project their stuff on to me, but I feel those feelings now...anger or sadness, etc. I register in my mind that it is just them. Honestly, I don't know if I could live with my family of origin. Perhaps you can attend a online meeting? Blessings and prayers

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grateful2be


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Not only are we powerless over other people's alcoholism and its affects on us, we are also powerless over what other people believe, think, feel or say. What others say isn't a reflection of you. It's a reflection of them. I second the suggestion for on-line meetings. As far as going to a shelter, well...that's an option and it won't be much of a change. Folks are often sick in shelters, too. Perhaps your HP has a better idea for you? Sending you lots of support and encouragement.

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RoseODAT


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I'm not sure we really do know. It's very trivial.
Sometimes one is right the other is wrong.....then both are right, then both are wrong.
Everyone seems entitled to their opinions and feelings and I'm sure I have a right to mine as well at times.
as Jerry says, "throw blame to the rubbish can" :)

The important thing to come above it all and ask ourselves "how important is it?".....or "first things first".....
I say you are entitled to your feelings and them to theirs. But we have to do what makes us HEALTHY. Im all for what makes one HEALTHIEST.
I have to live for the moment.
I would blame myself a lot (why wasn't I a better wife? why didn't I do it this way? etc) and ended up in a chronic depression (still learning how to heal) I wouldn't want anyone in that boat.
I would just keep coming back, do things that make me happy, and let the other person talk while patiently listening to what it is that bothers them if I can tolerate it of course. You do not have to reply just listen and then do what is good for you. Heck, if you don't want to listen, just detach, but it's up to you to do what you know is good for you.



-- Edited by RoseODAT on Sunday 3rd of November 2013 10:05:00 PM

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Debilyn


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In my head I just say that is their problem not mine. Never giving anyone the power to pull me down.All I know is number one is my HP, then I please and love me. I have no reason to give anyone else power over me...

hugs! debilyn



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Jerry F


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My sponsor told me that it was impossible for me to be wrong as many times as I got blamed...and I thought and said...What!!?? Oh yeah thats right and the program put another twist on it for me; I was TAKING the blame.  Stop taking the blame, let it fall to the floor or into the rubbish can...that is what it is really...rubbish.   Keep coming back.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do you trust your gut and not take all the blame for everything?