The material presented
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I really shouldn't be having to deal with this. I almost can't believe I am dealing with this. I shouldn't let this bother me, but I am SO FURIOUS right now.
I gave my recent ex the benefit of the doubt and didn't unfriend him on Facebook. I wanted to try to lessen the pain for him from us breaking up. Well now he is harrassing me just like his sister did before I blocked her. *shakes head* Now he is going around telling everyone that I cheated on him and slept around and lied to him. Can you believe this is coming from a man who is 40 years old? Some of his old cronies are even sending me abuse! I am so glad that I have that cell phone number block app on my phone. I just don't believe this BS.
I blocked him. I blocked him and his whole family and deleted all mutual friends of ours who are addicts like him. I don't need this kind of negativity.
I am really trying to consider the source and just blow this off, but I am just SO FURIOUS right now.
Even when I was at my worst with addiction crap myself, I never harassed or messed with exes. I just put up boundaries and disappeared from their lives. Even if they wanted to talk to me, I just ignored them so that we could just both move on.
I will never date another active A ever again. One would have to have a MINIMUM of five years sober to even have a chance. I am done with this kind of craziness and drama.
=( I am just angry that there will be some mail from their house. Like tax things that I need. I wouldn't put it past them to rip it up just to spite me.
Many moons ago I had a boyfriend who did the same thing - saying I cheated on him when it was actually the other way around. I was angry and hurt as well - not just by his actions but also thy he fact that others seemed to believe him. Then one day one of his friends asked me outright and I said 'he is probably just protecting his ego'. The friend said 'you are right, we all thought his stories were a bit unlikely. You've shown a lot of grace.' Now I use that remark to help me stay on track when I want to scream and shout at AH!
People believe what they want to and do what they do and if their reality does not match mine I don't need to justify myself.
I find it hard to resist telling them what for - and that is where my tensions stem from - but then I remind myself that it never works anyway.
Many moons ago I had a boyfriend who did the same thing - saying I cheated on him when it was actually the other way around. I was angry and hurt as well - not just by his actions but also thy he fact that others seemed to believe him. Then one day one of his friends asked me outright and I said 'he is probably just protecting his ego'. The friend said 'you are right, we all thought his stories were a bit unlikely. You've shown a lot of grace.' Now I use that remark to help me stay on track when I want to scream and shout at AH!
People believe what they want to and do what they do and if their reality does not match mine I don't need to justify myself.
I find it hard to resist telling them what for - and that is where my tensions stem from - but then I remind myself that it never works anyway.
Yeah. You're right. Now he tells me that he still loves me. Oh boy. :( He used his friend's phone to text me and I really hope that I don't have to go ahead and change my number. It would really screw up my freelance stuff and be extremely expensive.
I didn't respond. I just want all of this to fade away like it never happened and wish him and his family healing so they don't continue to inflict their misery on anyone else who comes into contact with them.
When people ask what happened, I keep things vague. I tell them that I won't discuss this because I don't want to perpetuate the hurt. Ugh. Why do people ask stupid questions like this any way?
I deleted my facebook account, I postponed this till almost three years in my recovery. I love the people I grow up with, and I always will, some of them I knew for twenty five years. I had to get off the drama train though, the he said she said, and every time I got back on they would suck me back in and I would feel like sh&t afterwards. Recovery is a new way of life, making friends with sane people, that no longer want to ride the drama train express. As long as he thinks he can make you furious or affect your sanity, he will. Hugs~ prayers
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
There was a time (and on occasion it still occurs) when I was furious, too, about things that were said by my As that simply weren't true. Then, I realized I was expecting very sick people to behave like healthy people. Once I accepted that they were very sick, it wasn't my fault and they didn't need my help, I could let go of the expectation, pray for them, minimize the impact of their behavior on me, and do things that made me feel good about me with people I could enjoy and trust. I didn't deny how much their behavior had hurt me, but I did find ways to minimize it and isolate myself from it. Good work in blocking access to you by people who aren't capable of behaving any other way right now. You can't change them, but you can change how much access they have to you. PO boxes don't cost a lot to maintain at a local post office. If you haven't already done so, can you change your Indy address to a PO box to get your mail delivered directly to you?
Continued work in this program will allow you to value yourself enough to walk away from unhealthy situations with no explanation other than that in your heart you know your serenity is worth more than gold, and you're worth it. Setting this down and focusing on your peace of mind, will be the most loving thing to do for you right now, and that's all your HP has ever wanted... was to see you happy and healthy.
when i was still married to my exA, one of our friends always thought I was a horrible "B" -- because I was angry and gave my ex "looks" ...and when my ex would go out with this guy friend of ours...he would chug some brandy before they went into the movies. The guy would think "poor guy, she won't let him drink at home..." I was so angry to hear that untruth.
then the exA ended up passed out in the road in front of the house, and I called this friend to watch over the ex in the ER. He agreed to do it. While they were in the ER, the ex picked a fight with the nurse, then hospital security, and then threatened the friend. The friend had never seen him behave this way...and apologized to me later...saying he had NO idea what I was living with...
Yah, the truth will "out" -- just keep behaving responsibly, and with grace...and it will work itself out...sometimes you may be the only one behaving like an adult..for MILES!
Your address with the IRS can b changed, call them right away on Monday morning, it may b a wait till you get a person you can talk to but it is worth it, you can also put in a change of address at the post office....in support og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
The good thing he is your Ex A that does not live with you. So you already changed that you no longer live in the problem. And now you see how some can't change there certain behavior because they are not willing to let go yet. I'm so conviced of this . I'm still in a very unhealthy marriage due to way to many reason . I live upstairs in my house and I like it.. When my 1 year Sober A starts his poor behavior I go to my room and open up my Alaon books and will read UNTILL I accept the fact no one can completely change but we have the choice to change the time it happens. I did close down my social sights because i was tired of hiding behind a name it made me feel like I was doing something bad. My A says I'm isolating myself , that's true and not true. I take myself out of poor behavior that's being presented to me and I go and pray on it. i look back at my old post all the tI me and I think of how much time and effort it took for me to realize the only thing I would do different today is I now remove myself. From the negative attitude . I set lots of Boundarys my whole house is out lined with yellow tape to remind him not to cross them . I do it to get better and focus on me and not to be mean to him but it's my way I work my own program . .
Remember also that harrassment is abuse and you can get a TRO for that..."NO contact" at all. Just one block in the boundary.
Like wisdom I had to remove myself from the chaos and crises totally. I got beyond reach several times with my alcoholic/addict, my family and others who practiced the disease. When I got done...I was done. Keep coming back. You got some major recovery responses here that also worked for me. ((((hugs))))
The good thing he is your Ex A that does not live with you. So you already changed that you no longer live in the problem. And now you see how some can't change there certain behavior because they are not willing to let go yet. I'm so conviced of this . I'm still in a very unhealthy marriage due to way to many reason . I live upstairs in my house and I like it.. When my 1 year Sober A starts his poor behavior I go to my room and open up my Alaon books and will read UNTILL I accept the fact no one can completely change but we have the choice to change the time it happens. I did close down my social sights because i was tired of hiding behind a name it made me feel like I was doing something bad. My A says I'm isolating myself , that's true and not true. I take myself out of poor behavior that's being presented to me and I go and pray on it. i look back at my old post all the tI me and I think of how much time and effort it took for me to realize the only thing I would do different today is I now remove myself. From the negative attitude . I set lots of Boundarys my whole house is out lined with yellow tape to remind him not to cross them . I do it to get better and focus on me and not to be mean to him but it's my way I work my own program . . 