The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So A and I are in our typical fight and I haven't heard from him all day. Yesterday was good, I had a good day despite this crap. Today has been harder. I find myself lost as far as how to live anymore, to connect with people socially. It's easier to be home that way I am safe, or feel safe because its just easier than trying. I took my son to see a play at his school and out to eat afterwards which I really can't afford right now but I was trying to do something to get him out too. In the restaurant it was hard not to cry at the table. There are so many people in there who are with their friends and families and I feel like I don't even know how to be a part of being out to dinner anymore, very strange experience as I was just sitting in this place fighting back tears.
I know this too shall pass its just upsetting. I am working on changing actually I know I am changing because normally I would be chasing the A crying because I feel so hurt and alone, ugh at least I have a little more dignity thanks to HP and to this group.
Sometimes its just hard to understand it all, today I just need to let go and accept.
you do not mention if you go to face to face al anon meetings. If not it may be a god idea to find your nearst meeting and start attending.
The disease of alcoholism destroyed me and part of that was I isolated and sat with my pain alone. Then I found al anon and the people in my group are my best friends today. I can talk to them about anything I am no longer alone. I go to social events with them and have fun again today. One of the best things al anon has given me is a new healthy family who i can rely on. If you are a al anon member you are not alone reach out, go to a meeting and get a hug.
This darn disease is so isolating. Fortunately, you are taking steps to end the isolation and you know that this is a temporary situation. A new life abundant with friends and fellowship awaits you as you focus on your needs and do the next right thing for you and for your child. And good for you! You refused to spend any more time and energy on attempting to change what you can't change (your A) and used it to change what you can.
It's beautiful that you can express your feelings to people who really care and understand. I hope you will continue to treat yourself in this loving way. We are all in your corner and together we can get through it. xxxx
