The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now with things settling down, plans made to separate my wife and I are exploring a "controlled Seperation" from the book "Do I Go or Do I Stay"
AA has got me back on track in handling emotional issues after returning full time back in September and true emotions are creeping out slowly, very slowly, and we may want to try everything before we call it quits.
((Gofred)) Keep working your AA program for the best chances for yourself and with your relationship with others. I am not familiar with the book you reference, but a separation with boundaries can be helpful in allowing each person space to process resentments and then come together in a more productive way.
Continued prayers for strength, courage, and wisdom for you and your wife.
I don't have any experience of this but it sounds like it could be a positive approach if you are both equally up for it, especially if you can use this time to find your own individual balance, needs and interests.
My daughter's dad and I did what was called a "healing separation" that gave us a taste of what a legal separation would be like. I think that they are an excellent idea, and ours was done through a marriage counselor. His insurance also required that we each go to "individual counseling" sessions which were led by two other counselors. I can see the reasoning behind this as we each (my husband and I) needed to feel like our counselor was there "just for us", instead of "siding with one or the other. The marriage counselor was there for "US" as a couple. IT was a great experience, and I wish I could say that it worked, but we had too much going against us I guess. We also did a year's legal separation after the "healing separation", it also did not work and we finally divorced in January of 2004. What I do think that it did for us though, is teach us how to talk to each other about our daughter (who is now 16) and put her first. I wish you and your wife the best in your experience with this. I do think that marriage is worth every single thing that we can do to try to save it.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I seperated from my ex and we both stayed in each others lives for around 4 years. I realise now it was not healthy, it was about fear, we couldnt let go even though we or I knew It was over, it kept the idea that we may get back together alive when in fact we were just too scared to face the truth that it was over and if we had had a clean split, although painful, we would have spared ourselves years of pain. A quick and final split is less painful in the long run.
