The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Gaby: I've read that couples have a hard time following sobriety. Each working their own program is the most helpful. Maybe that's true for Moms and sons, too? Good that you are seeing that working your program more is something that you can do? As far as triggering him - well, that's on him - not on you. I have all sorts of triggers, but those are also opportunities for me to practice, practice, practice my own program. He's a grown man who needs to learn how to live in the world with all its pressures and still say no to drugs and drinking just like we had to learn how to live in the world as Mothers and stay with the process even when everything in us might have wanted to run away from home when the pressures mounted and we felt overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and tasks that were ours to do. You are not responsible for his using or not using drugs. He is.
You are responsible for taking good care of yourself and I'm glad you want to do that. That's the best help you can really offer your son. Working your program and taking good care of yourself.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 28th of October 2013 05:59:59 PM
So my son is talking to his baby's momma and I feel nothing but tension between he and I.. This past Sunday he has made me feel horrible. He says he us stressed out. Well gosh knows what she is saying to him because he doesn't open up to me. When I call him I feel like nothing but his punching bag. As a mother I would never give up in him n I will support his sobriety, but I don't deserve his bad mouthing to me. When I have made all easy for him from the get go. But how soon does he forget. I'm not asking for nothing but respect. Ugggggg
I learned in this program if I want respect I have to ask for it , boundaries did that for me . If I am being verbally abused I ask that they stop talking to me that way if they don't I either walk away or I hang up the phone . It dosent take long for them to realize that I am serious and get the respect I deserve . Today I decide how I am going to be treated I am no longer a vicitim of someones disease . If your not attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself I urge you to find one , do it for yourself your worth it . Alcoholism is a very selfish disease and it is always about them drinking or not . If I allow unexceptable behavior over and over again I can't blame anyone else but myself . Louise
Thank you.. I have set boundaries between us.. I completely understand its all about him and his recovery. I need to really work
My program more. I guess I am just so hurt. It breaks my heart that I do nothing but help and support but I get the short end of everthing and my fear is I would be a trigger to him. I just need to work my recovery more.. Thank you
So my son is talking to his baby's momma and I feel nothing but tension between he and I.. This past Sunday he has made me feel horrible. He says he us stressed out. Well gosh knows what she is saying to him because he doesn't open up to me. When I call him I feel like nothing but his punching bag. As a mother I would never give up in him n I will support his sobriety, but I don't deserve his bad mouthing to me. When I have made all easy for him from the get go. But how soon does he forget. I'm not asking for nothing but respect. Ugggggg
May I ask you who is allowing you to be his punching bag?
You don't have to pick up the phone if he bad mouths you, you can inform him of that too, in a nice way. If that doesnt work, let go.
I think it's better not to call, not to text even if it's just to say HI. I find I don't need to know anything anymore. I also think I will not take his calls if he does call me. It only starts something I don't want to get involved in. I have enabled to just helping and I still get hurt inside. But I will take responsibility for it. I need to change me to be happy because I can't be happy with him in my life.
I find I need to completely let go and let God. This is the only way for me I guess.
Take care my friend and I pray for your happiness.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
