The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today when I woke up, I immediately began to feel angry. I was angry because I slept late, and I had things I wanted to do, things I Had To Do, and it's my day off, and I'm already not enjoying it. I felt stressed, since ABF was getting drunk and high all last night, and I could hear him banging around in the kitchen. I felt angrier knowing he would probably burn some food, melt some plastic (containers and bags on the hot stove), and contaminate food by double dipping. Yes, my codependency was up bright and early ;) I began to attack myself, and berate myself for all the bad choices I've made in life, leading up to choosing this man who now resides, unbathed, in the living room, or more aptly, rotting room-Melly;) I climbed down the ladder list of all my transgressions, and begain stomping around in my mind, scolding myself "HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!"
I was reading and thinking about gratitude yesterday, and decided not to jump out of bed and be angry. I decided to light a nice candle and do the gratitude exercise.
I am grateful I woke up today :)
I am grateful for my beautiful, loving son who loves me just as I am.
I am grateful for my noisy, demanding cat, who also loves me just as I am.
I am grateful there is still some uncontaminated food in the fridge.
I am grateful for my raw honey and apple cider vinegar morning elixir.
I am grateful for my "mistakes," for the very steps that led me to this site, peace, and healing.
I am grateful for all of you, who have accepted and encouraged me on this path.
Raven, keep on hanging with us and working your program.....one fine day you will wake up and realize that "hey I deserve better then what i am with" and you will take care of you
don't beat u up....we all "learned" to be CODAs....none of us as children went to bed and prayed to get all screwed up and become CODA's....we just became that b/c of our pasts...
recovery can heal that...recovery is helping me put me together.......and as i heal, the price of admission to my life and my heart went waaay up........i value me more and more and it shows in the kinds of people who are in my life.....
if i can change me and therefore change my karma, anyone can , this program literally saved my life
that was a nice gratitude list you did......keeping positive is part of this program....we can think clearer when on a positive note....
the more you take care of you, the less the ABF will have any affect on you......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thank you everyone for your support! Grateful, unfortunately Corning isn't in my budget yet, lol. He'd probably break it anyway :) I'm waiting on nice things until I get to a better place (physically move)...
Listening to empowering music while I do some chores, then it's date night for me with myself:) I rented a couple of movies to watch and dinner will be ready in the crock pot soon:)
Marvelous Raven...good steady work...start decreasing the self punishment and increase the self acceptance and you'll spout new leaves. Yay!! ((((hugs))))
I am grateful for your lovely post which seemed to be just what I needed to get through tonight and thank HP for this wonderful group. Thank you so muchh for this.
Thanks for sharing. I so needed to be reminded of this. Gratitude and having the courage to change the course if my day despite the problems. Grateful you are here.x
Great timing Raven; I was just sitting here FUMING because I tried to broach the topic of keeping me awake all night every night shouting in his rotting room (which is next to my bedroom) and he pitched a fit, told me in no uncertain terms that I deserve this because I used to "bother him" when he was playing his computer game so he had to move to a room he could lock, so if I have to sleep on the couch every night it's my own doing. Then just a few minutes ago, he barricaded himself into his rotting room (lol it's going to be called that for all time now, HA) to make as much noise as he can.
Well I'm not waking up, I'm winding down for bed but as I'm falling asleep I'm going to concentrate on what I am grateful for instead of how much I want to chainsaw a hole in the wall and throw in a hive full of bees.....
1. I'm grateful for meditation music and laptops, which just might work to drown out his absurd shouting on skype all night.
2. I'm grateful that I can lock my annoying and demanding kitty in the laundry because I am not as tolerant as you
3. I'm grateful for your post and for MIP, which has all put me in a better mood in a matter of minutes.
4. I'm grateful for all of the other things I'll think of when I'm in bed trying not to be angry.
