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yep, with addiction the "beat goes on" as they say....rollar coaster unless they get into serious recovery.....but i see your calmness in your post about letting go.....
I really think when you let go the SO and detach from the son, you will feel so much more peace...it will be a nice "strange" feeling at first (peace) but omg...the relief...the relaxation in the whole body, detaching from drama is unreal.......
I went out and bought 2 beautiful doves....always had them....to me they are the "winged" emissarys of PEACE and LOVE......got 2 real sweet ones, and they are in my bedroom in their nice big cage...curtain rods for perches, but they don't care......
I bought these birds (parakeets are in kitchen) as a symbol of what i want my life to BE and to STAY in.......PEACE....LOVE.......detachment from the ones who are toxins to me.......a dove, when facing something they don't want, just peacefully fly away......no fuss...no muss...they just fly away and let go........I rarely when watching them in captivity or the wild see them stressed.....and when stressed, they detach...fly away....they are a nice totem for me to focus on the fact....I make my own peace by who/what i allow in my life......my peace is up to me...
.I saw SIL yesterday, had a nice chat w/him and i did not mention daughter #2....he must suspect something, but he is kind....minds his own business....he is a nice little guy........
right now its cloudy out so no cooing from them as yet......
sending you strength energy and as as ilovedogs says "remember to have no expectations".....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hang in there Cathy and do something nurturing for yourself. I practice detaching - sometimes it goes better than at other times- keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.
In recovery, my son told me he avoided my calls (& txts) because he basically wanted to be left alone, he didn't want to be asked how he was doing as he felt the pressure of being 'watched'.....fair enough......it was a reminder to me to keep to my own side of the street.
A's in recovery are super fragile........I took the lead from him and left him to it.......he would call once a week for a quick chat (and it was super quick half the time!).......we kept it simple and it worked fine.
Have a good rummage in your tool box, practice practice practice.......a good opportunity
Personally I think phones are the devil.......I don't answer mine half the time......drives my husband apoplectic, but that's a whole other story!
I will detach but this time I think my detachment mean no contact.....is this right or is this wrong....I'm asking myself right now.
well is detachment (to me, communication but w/boundaries and staying out of their business) enough?? or do we go to next step.....NO contact???? is detachment enough to keep your peace???? if not??? its time to do the "NC" policy.....
with daughter #2, detachment kept me in limited contact w/my keeping the focus on me....that was not working bc ANY contact w/her meant my being "jabbed" yet again.....the detachment policy was not working....i was getting stabbed and yea, i found myself having to detach detach detach and it was sucking the life out of me.......so i had to ramp it up re; caring for me........now...no contact....
i was driving home yesterday w/ supplies for my new doves....and new cat food w/no gmo's like the dog food and GREAT food.....i am coming towards my driveway and she waved....i waved back and i saw her begin to maybe walk towards my way....i just scooted in my garage., hit the genie to close door and i was in garage, unloading my supplies, and disappeared in my house not to be seen for a while...
i will never be cruel to her, however i have a right to self preservation....she was bringing out the worst in me....I actually did't like the "me" i was becoming....angry, resentful, hurt,losing my serenity, thinking too much of her and what she did to me instead of thinking about me and caring for me......
humans are very sensitive and receptive to negativity...it can seep in and all of a sudden i am more angry, resentful, negative, seeing the ugly more and beauty less, not so peaceful, all stuff i do not want.....so to protect me i have to set limits and be honest w/me.....how MUCH can i handle w/no injury to my serenity/peace/mental well being and WHAT can i handle and what can i not handle.....then go from there......i have my limits....i might be more strong on some stuff...less strong on other.....i notice that i have low threshold for abuse of any kind......i avoid abusers (no matter what the cause) i avoid them.....too triggering for me....
maybe a quicky step 10 can help you on this..........i had to do it.......i literally had to make a LIST...what are my vulnerable spots and how to protect me
if someone is sucking the life out of me, draining my energy which negativity can do, it is time for me to choose.....me or them......i am choosing me.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
No contact was what worked for me Cathy. I had to not answer his emails or texts, phone calls, I could not handle it anymore. I had to escape, get a way from the insanity. I went as far as saying when the police/troopers came to my door, thats when I would respond. in support OG
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
I've had to go the "no contact" route, too, several times. All of us have limits. There's a reason why hospitals, rehabs, etc have staff rotations and shifts. We're just one person dealing with very sick people. We have no staff support, no relief shifts, no subs who can step in when we've had enough. We have to take care of ourselves and sometimes no contact is the way. That "no contact" isn't because we don't love our children. It's because we have to give to ourselves. (((C)))
No contact is going to have to work for me now. Little by little I have tried everything in the book to be kind and maintain some form of loving support but it's only making me sick and heartbroken. My heart aches that he chooses to slowly kill himself.
My letting go and letting God has come to a new level..
Thank you for all your support.....I am not alone and will keep coming back.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
