The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few days back, my boyfriend told me he is searching for an emptiness inside, he wants adventure, needs to fill a whole so big inside, he wants to take his car to wherever the wind takes him.
And, in our up and down unpredictable year and a half relationship, it all made sense. He wanted me, but sometimes. But I am not enough. I got angry, I forgave, and then relieved. But I do not know when I am supposed to let go.
I wanted to be his wind, and the car he took to get there. He started to tell me he "needed help" some time back and I started to see that he, like all of the others I have loved and left, has a problem with alcohol. Last night, we were at a party, and when he drinks, he drinks to black everything out. He was throwing up, got up and drank more. I couldn't even drive him home because of his interlock, so I road my motorcycle home without him. I left him there to remain with all the young and happy party goers, and I still haven't heard from him. He's wasted another day, and that's the sort of adventure he needs?
How could running away to no where and to no one fill an empty space? He fought so hard to win me back, and I fell for everything he said. I'm just. Temporary. Back to homework now.
. He's wasted another day, and that's the sort of adventure he needs?
Actually you can change the "He's" to "I've" or "I"...The alcoholic and addict is our addiction and I read your post with hope that you find face to face Al-Anon Family Groups in your area and come sit with us to find out what we went thru, what we found out and how we do our lives today whether the alcoholic and/or addict is still drinking and using or not. You've made a choice to partner up with a very sick person and knowing the consequences of that is a must from my experience because it drove me to insanity. She was in my life and never in my life all at the same time. Understand that the alcoholic has no control over when, why, where and how they drink...the disease controls that; the compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body and family and friends and associates. I've learned in recovery that the hole we desire to fill is actually a "God" shaped hole and no one or nothing else can fill it; size or shape. If he continues to drink the way he is drinking now he will go past the insanity of it now and may quickly find the fatal nature of the disease. He isn't drinking milk or soda...Intoxification means he is poisoned. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up Al-Anon and come as quickly as you can. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
Keep it simple, keep the focus on you and your life. Al Anon can help you find you instead of alcoholics...it is not easy, but it really is simple. Keep coming back (((hugs)))
I think its more like he is "temporarily out of it". I do believe it is a wasted effort to try and understand an alcoholic because they are not their real selves right now until they get sober. But it is not your job to get them sober, you didnt cause his alcoholism, nor can you control it. He is going to drink until he decides not to. What are you going to do, what do you want your life to look like? There is some good literature you can read about Al-Anon that will help you through this temporary situation. You will get some ESH (experience, strength and hope) on this website, I hope it will be useful to you....in support Oldergal
__________________
Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Alcoholics feel empty and sad and drink to self medicate that. Then they develop greater depression and emptiness from drinking. Vicious cycle. It is insanity and a disease which tells a person that their problems are the result of everything except the obvious. It is rewarding at first to be with a person like this because they are risk takers and they are initially addicted to you and may be inclined to think YOU are the answer to what is missing or wrong with them. That can feel very good at first. Chaos and disappointment ensue after they find out you are not the cure and you just get sucked into the problem which is that they are a broken and emotionally retarded alcoholic. At this point we may chase after them to get that high back of how it felt when they had us in the role of "the latest cure/fix" and we chase hem and deny and minimize the damage just like they chase the drunk/high and minimize its damage.
Thanks Pinkchip, our connection and RE connection makes a TON of sense when you put it that way. The sad thing (or better) is that when I was with him (as if, we were walking towards forever, I'm still here but letting go) I obsessed about ending MY life. And since he gave me his news of running away, I can actually start to fantasize about living again.
I remember feeling like ours was a romantic dramatic story but it didn't last. Reality and the truth kick in and it's not nice at all.alanon helped me look at the truth. My truth not his and it gave me courage and a better viewof the truth.
