The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just want to tell you, that you are not alone. I went through this three years ago, and I know it is one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt as if someone had taken the wind out of my sails. If it were me today,I would let all those emotions out...cry and scream. There are people here that want to know you and know how you are doing :) I would gather my alanon literature and start reading, I would pray and meditate ( if I could get that calm~), I would get a cup of coffee and get to a meeting this morning..possibly two meetings, and most of all I would reach out to someone locally in the program, if not locally on here. Please know that what he does has nothing to do with you, whether he drinks or sees other women(the condoms). I remember when I first came into the program, I thought I was fatally flawed, I wasn't good enough, because he wanted another woman. I realized it had nothing to do with me, and he was going to do whatever he wanted to do, regardless of me. My thoughts and prayers are with you this morning :) This is my experience, strength and hope, take what you like and leave the rest :)
-- Edited by karma13 on Sunday 27th of October 2013 06:21:43 AM
__________________
I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Well ha ha joke is on me. I thought I had messed up the other. Boy was I ever wrong. I mean, I was pretty rude but I no longer care about that.
Today was an eventful day.
Went to a birthday party for my best friend. Husband got extremely intoxicated. A different friend drove us home. Husband left a card for a suicide hotline on the back seat. Friends came back to our place once they found it...around 2am. H and I had been arguing before they got here. Long talks..lots of tears..he showed them some pills he had hidden. Said he had more but wouldn't tell us where. So I went digging. The one and only time I have ever gone through his personal things..and what do I find in his school bag? Condoms. Brand new latex condoms...FYI, I'm allergic to latex.
Wtf
I kicked him out. Called a friend of his and filled him in, my friends drove him to his buddy's place. Now it's 4am and I'm afraid to cry cause I might not stop. I want to scream but am afraid that wont stop either.
I'm sorry to hear what chaos this disease has brought to you. I don't know what to say other than, glad you came here, there is a lot of support--and try and keep the focus on yourself and taking care of yourself. Like many others and you, I have been in that awful scenario going through personal things and finding something that stops your heart and makes you think of screaming without stopping. You are not alone.
I am sorry for your pain. Remember the 3 a's Awareness of your feelings, Acceptance and the right Action. (((hugs))) Keep the focus on you and your recovery and let him be the consequences of his choices...which you did not cause, can't control and can't cure.
((((Bobbi)))) We can love you while you're feeling unloveable. Each story about this disease sucks!! I can read yours and find some positives and I won't ask you to do that while you're hurting so bad. The disease sucks. You stood up for yourself as we learn to...got him out and away and came here. My suggestion? look up the hotline number to Al-Anon in your area and call and then get to the first one you can. There is a chair waiting for you...that is where you will find us in the flesh. We've been there and because of the program....for me, the sucking stopped. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
It is ok to cry and to scream.
Do what you need to so that you can let that hurt go, and then take the very best care of yourself.
I bottled it up when I discovered AH's affair and it didn't help at all.
Thank you all for all your kind, encouraging words.
I tried calling my local al-anon, but the office is closed today. So tomorrow will try again.
After phone calls to all sorts of places today, advice from a couple hotlines, and husbands suicidal comments and hidden pills...I called the police. He left the house and went to keep drinking. The police have picked him up. I haven't heard anything in a while so am not sure what will happen next.
This is way too dramatic. I'm numb and exhausted now but so wound up that I can't sit still. Thankfully my son is with my mother for the afternoon.
The condoms were my breaking point. I can deal with a lot..but not that. Tomorrow I will begin the search for a new place to live.
I deeply appreciate all the support and prayers :) thank you
