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Remember me? I haven't posted for a little while but I've been reading and kerping up with everyone. Need some MIP clarity. I left the AH a year ago in August. This August was looming large for him because he knew I was going to file for divorce the day I could. He was ordered in July to install an ignition lock system on his truck and since then has gone on antidepressants, gone back to church and work, and attends AA and therapy regularly. For the most part he is pleasant to be around and talk to and we are friendly but he gets alternately po'd and hurt when I don't want to jump back into "dating" my husband. I have forgiven him but I haven't forgotten and I have a lot of resentments even though I don't dwell on then. Would love to have HP explain this timing. I am back in limbo again. It seems cruel to file right now and I believe marriage is forever and I could get past it all but alcoholism is a lifelong battle and I don't know that I'm up for that. I really had made peace with we were over and he wasn't going to get any better. Watching and waiting and still feeling like my life is on hold in many ways. Could use some MIP support.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
My ex ah done this too. Being so nice. Going to meetings and was sober all the while trying to get closer to me. I kept with my decision and we have no contact now at all which is easier. I was suspicious of his efforts because he is very manipulative and tries very hard to get what he wants. My marriage is completely over. Too much damage to ever come back from for me. I have not forgiven him either. I am working on that. I don't know if this helps all our situations differ your reality could mean you have a chance again. Glad your back.x
I don't have experience to share here, other than my divorce is pending and will be finalized mid-January; I have friends who sort of joke with me to say, 'he isn't confusing you by getting sober--that's good'. I hope that little statement isn't offensive, just an acknowledgment that we can work our programs, know we are in a good place and still be brought back to focus on our As. Of course it's good that your A is going to work, meetings and church. Your sentence about understanding what your HPs plan is will be a source of strength for you--you are not alone, continue to keep focus on you and your program.
My heartache over filing the divorce papers was eased by the thought that we could always remarry. My pointing out to him that he was alternating between hurt and anger at not getting his own way made mine would go away and nurse his wounds over another glass of beer. I would not consider any sort of reconciliation with my ex without standing up for my right to speak my mind about anything that doesn't agree with me - I reserve the right to say what I mean and not say it mean without risking the anger/hurt manipulation game.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
We went to church as a family and talked today and I told him that the only way I give up my apt. and come home is if we put the house in my name so that if he relapses badly, I would have the authority to make him leave and I could live there while the house is on the market. He would have to leave the ignitiion lock system in his car permanently because it protects him and everyone on the road plus it prevents me wondering if he's been drinking. And no joint bank accounts. If he doesn't agree, then we divorce because it's time to s*#⬠or get off the pot time. I feel like I have walked the fine line of standing by him but protecting myself but I need a resolution.It's in God's hands now. I've laid it on the table. We'll see. I know he loves me but I don't think the control freak part of him will never agree to it.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Thanks for the feedback. As I said, I've been reading but not posting and I have to admit, putting this in words and reading your comments helped me to talk to him about what I need if there is to be another try.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Sounds like you've mentally moved from it's over to it's over if you don't.....it's on if you.... Putting your wants and needs on the table and waiting to see what happens is - to me - a woman who values herself and knows what she wants and what she doesn't want. Keep us posted on what God wants as you wait on the H's response and actions.
Thanks for the feedback. As I said, I've been reading but not posting and I have to admit, putting this in words and reading your comments helped me to talk to him about what I need if there is to be another try.