The material presented
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My A brother is a very "high end" marine engineer on electronic devices....those big electronic things u see on coast guard ships, the noaa weather ships, and huge big boats on the NE sea coast were either installed or refurbished by my brother....he has been an electronic engineer for 30 plus years.....and he is an alcoholic......he never drinks during work, but after work he drinks his poison.....each drink takes him one step away from my losing him
I called him this am w/my post that i posted to you all...I read it in its entirety to him.....he was overcome with pride and happiness for me that i have this community and that i am getting support in dealing w/his and our other brother's drinking and also the drinking our elders did....
he told me he had been praying for me to find my peace in all this and he told me that today...my call meant the world to him b/c today he is going out to sea for 7 days, on trials to test the new tracking and communication equip. he installed on this HUGE ship, , anyway, the ship is at least 200' long and they are "shipping out" today....he was so happy to hear from me and read my post....
he asked me "have i ever said anything to you that i need to beg forgiveness for and make amends???" I said "no, never, you are always sweet to me and caring for me and you supported and believed me when i came forward about the abuse to recover, you always were my biggest cheerleader"
I know it was painful for him to hear what his father did to his #1 sister and (according to him) his #1 best female buddy.....he does not want to speak of the offender anymore unless i need to....i told him i wanted to leave him at the dump and focus on my healing and the present....
we had a lovely talk...he was focused..excited...adn get this....he said he was grateful he lost his license b/c it taught him humility and that we never escape karma and the consequences of our actions (karma).....he was not angry about it...has put 600 miles on his bike and he has learned that if ya mess up?? u pay the consequences....he took full responsibility for loss of his license and did so in court and maybe that is why court is willing to give it back to him, so this sea trial will fund his getting his license back
i hate the disease that threatens to take away what few family i have left....2 cousins and him...and younger bro. to a point....so 4 out of how many??? oh well, i did the weeding out for me and i do not regret it.....
when i read my post to him, he said willingness makes it a "done deal" one thing about him....he has the most beautiful relationship w/his HP.....i told him i wanted the same with my creator as i understand it......he said being willing is all i needed....the rest, hp will work on b/c i SAID...I am WILLING....And he said he would help me in any way, especially when i am in "doubt" mode...
he goes out to sea this am and my call made him very happy....he said he will go to sea happy and less worried about me and my painful steps 4,5,6,7.......
he also told me he was 10000% on MY side and that has always been that way.....even at my worst moments and when i am sitting on my pity pot, he has been there for me.....
not all As are mean, abusive, attacking, scary, cheating, beating, etc......my A helps the animals....don't know how many stray kitties he has rescued........his seagull friend..........he will help any soul in need....give his last dollar so a young mom and buy milk for her baby and that is why people love and , yes, enable him b/c he gives out so much love......
i have come to understand that SOME A's are beautiful people....they have a disease...a sickness that if not arrested will kill them.......
i have never supported staying in a relationship with an A who is actively drinking and abusive, cheating, beating, scary, stealing, etc....but the ones who are sweet and loving I can understand why the wives of these "sweet ones" want to stay and just work their program......
"R" has never married....his one true love married another and he still carries the torch for her even tho he had sense enough to detach from her and her drama as she married a very abusive A and NA and goes to "R" for to listen to her "war stories" as she persists in staying w/him and putting herself and her kids in danger.....I was proud when my A told her that he could not help one who did not want to help herself and he was detaching with love and peace , but "don't bring this to me anymore unless u r packing your bags and leaving...then i can take you to shelter" but don't call me till u r ready to leave and save u and kids.......i was very proud of him when he set that boundary and is sticking w/it....
I am gonna miss him these next 7 days, our laughter at the stupidest stuff, but funny and carefree for us.....i will miss his gentle wisdom, I can share my program with him and he LOVES me being here....ANYthing that will help me , he is all for....in fact when i went AWOL, he was one of them to tell me "get back into alanon and acoa and get to work on you"
he was very happy to hear my post i did about HP....he wants me to have my HP of my understanding and he, too, said HP was about love and being our best friend...I said I was majorally willing.....and he encouraged me by saying "willingness is just as good as done....HP can roll with that"
the seas get rough this time of year, hurricane season is upon the east coast now, so i will burn my candles and incense and ask angels to look over my dear A brother
AND he said he wants to see me this winter and no worries about drinking....he said it is "no sweat" staying sober on his many sea trials, and he said he wold rather be burned to the stake then to trigger me w/ drinking......i will let his hp handle that one, lol....it would be nice to see him....but my boundaries about alcohol abuse stand......he knows it...he knows me.....
at this writing, the captain and crew and my electronic genious are boarding this BIG ship.....ready to ship out east of the east coast...and around who knows where.....his last sea trial was on a NOAA ship when he upgraded their communications equip...he said that was awesome....they went all the way up to canadian waters.....it was awesome to hear about the weather and sometimes the captain or owner will let him do "night skipper" duties b/c he can handle a ship as well as anyone.....
one of my biggest reasons for loving it when he does sea trials is that he can only drink maybe 1 beer w/dinner and that is IT...no getting drunk and he seems to be always ok with that......i miss him, but i know he is eating and not drinking but maybe a beer w/dinner........
I will ask angels to watch over him......what a nice talk we had.....and he said when he is back where his cell can take/receive calls, i am gonna be the FIRST one he calls when he is coming back to NE shores.....this trial leaves from New Bedford, MA....some others go out from Cape Cod, MA.....he is very on demand b/c he does really good work......I love his stories , especially the ones when he gets a contract with the gov't like the coast guard or NOAA , when 911 happened he was very very busy, keeping all the radar/tracking and communications operating on so many ships patrolling the NE coast.....wow it was unreal...i hardly heard from him b/c he was going from one ship to the other keeping their equip. in operating order....he also services big fishing boats, any big vessel, he is apt to be on it.....
Be safe, brother....and know that your "sissy" loves and will pray for your safe return......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
He and I have talked about his desire to have a love life, to settle down, marry, and i told him point blank that most gals would pass him by b/c of the drinking and not being in recovery....its soo sad b/c he is a great guy, a good earner, but his money goes to liquor when he "binges" like I know he drinks ea. night, but controls it while working....when he is "between assignments" is when he is at risk for going off on the binges...
I told him that it wold make me very happy for him to find love, but for that to happen, he would have to stop drinking...get into program.....find himself and his self love , bc it "begins with me" and THEN and only then could he hope to find someone......and he would have to stay, for life, in the program
soo sad that such a wonderful person has this disease that is ruining his life............i am powerless...i can only take care of me....i can love him and do...but i also employ the wisdom of detachment.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I saw in the post that I said "SOME A's are beautiful people" I know a LOT of good, kind, caring A's....that statement was wrong.....there are many who are decent folks who just have a horrendous, terrible disease and I am , having grown up w/it (the bad ones) and married to 2 of them, am no longer tough enough to even THINK of marrying another A.....unfortunately I saw a lot of awful people where the alcohol numbed any inhibitions they might have had and they showed their true colors...
a smart, more experienced person than I said its not the alcohol that makes them cheat, beat or do porn....those traits are already in the person, the alcohol just brings it out........I can believe that b/c my A brothers are never the kind to want to hurt anyone.....
I just wanted to modify what i said above about "some A's" I know a LOT of very sweet and good ones...its just too bad that i also saw the disease in the evil doers as well..........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You two have a special bond and, now, we can hold him in prayer alongside you.
oh thank you ((((((((((((Paula))))))))))) that really really means a lot to me......by now he is at sea, enjoying the vastness beauty of the ocean, watching maybe a big fish or two....smelling the salt air, albeit chilly salt air.....i know he is best out to sea bc of the boundaries on the drinking.......and its funny....he loves going out to sea.....wish he did even more of it, lol........and your prayers are GREATLY appreciated......i remember when he and i were younger...i looked younger then he did and we dated each others friends....we used to have fun....lots of it...........we had a blast together.....we used to beach bum together in summers at our cape cod house...he taught me how to get cohaugs, and how to rake clams in for a bucket of steamers...... and we would go out in his skimmer w/dollar bills and rocks so we could meet up w/the lobster catchers getting their catch from their traps and we would hollar "how much???" and back then it was a "buck a lobster" so we would tie dollars 1 ea. to a rock and toss them at the fishermen and they would toss us the lobsters......he had a 16' skimmer and it was a blast tripping around the local areas in it......one thing i miss here in TX is real...fresh caught lobster, clams and cohaugs that i had a great stuffing for made out of ritz crackers.....omg...u talk about good eating.....nothing like NE fresh seafood...oh and scallops, too......i could eat lobster and clams till i burst.....love them the best....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
