The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i am living with an AH and I am miserable. We been having marital problems for almost 2 years. Tried counseling, only made it worse.
I have tried to leave twice. Both times I get the "I will change, my family is so important to me. Or even worse he threatens to kill himself and I believe him.
i know logically it's not my fault that he drinks. But I don't know how to not let his words destroy me. He comes home late every night and starts drinking. Then he will text me horrible, hurtful things that I have to see the next morning on my phone when I wake up. How I'm screwing him over, that I want to "take everything" and leave him nothing
My AH does make a very good income and we've been married 20 years. I worked while he was in school and I quit to be a SAHM when he was finished (after 11 years)
i am so beat down right now. Having a rational conversation with him isn't possible. He just blows up and says all I want to do is start "s%!+ with him" and it escalates into him blaming me for everything. Then I end up so depressed and it's hard for me to function the next day. Just typing that makes me feel ashamed.
i just cannot take this anymore. I have 2 wonderful kids who never see their dad because he says he doesn't want to come home because of me. Which is BS and a lousy excuse for a dad.
The simple answer is "just leave him!", but it's not that easy for me.
i do have a college degree (RN) and I could go back to work no problem.
it's just dealing with his anger and wrath.
i really hope I am not alone in feeling like this. :(
Welcome to Miracles in Progress Being an RN I am sure you know that The AMA has labeled Alcoholism as a progressive fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured. It is a spiritual, mental and physical illness that affect the entire family. and is a a disease of negative attitudes drinking or not. Alanon is a fellowship of members who live with or have lived with he disease of alcoholism.
In alanon we believe that we are powerless over this disease and that we who are living with it need a program of recovery.
We have face to face meetings in most communities. It is here that we support each other , break the isolation, and learn new tools to live by We too practice the same 12 Steps as members in AA. Most we attempt to live one day at a time, focused on ourselves and trusting a Higher power.
Please look for alanon meetings in your community ( FOUND INTHE WHITE PAGES) and keep coming back You a re not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 26th of October 2013 08:33:20 AM
Hi dawn and welcome. You are not alone. Keep reading posts here and you will see so many of us share your story and understand what you are going through. Hugs.
Dawn, welcome. You are so not alone. Keep coming back and get to face to face alanon meetings. Its amazing how this program changes us one day at a time to feeling so much different. It can do so much for your children too. Love in al-anon!!!
Michelle
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Dawn~ I am so glad that you are here!! Please search and find the Al-Anon meetings in your area! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Everything that you described in your post was my life many years ago! The good news is, it doesn't have to be like that! Once you are involved with face to face Al-Anon meetings,you will learn a new way of life:) as scary as this is for you, you have reached your bottom and had your fill of "SHIT";) AND that's truly a great place to be, once we have been given the gift of desperation, as you have, is when we become willing to do things differently:) in Al-Anon we will make suggestions to you, if you are willing to keep an open mind and listen, and then implement in your life what you are learning....your life WILL GET BETTER! We can't promise to save your marriage, but if you do whats suggested, we promise you will be saved! and my bi-product of working the program & doing what was suggested, my marriage was also saved, he chose to get sober, after 2 years of relapsing & now 10 years sobriety! I learned how to take care of me & my children while he was doing his thing! YOU ARE WORTH THIS! I PRAY YOU WILL JUMP IN WITH BOTH FEET! YOU WILL BE AMAZED! ~BIG HUGS & PRAYERS FOR STRENGTH & COURAGE TO YOU!~:)
Please keep coming to meetings. I have a AH, who was sober for 14 years and relapsed for over 2 years now. At the moment he has 64 days of sobriety. My life was unmanageable. I have a young child at home, (9), and go to online meetings to make up the difference between the face to face meetings. Just take it literally One Day at a Time. I have to keep that in my head constantly. I worry and get too far ahead of myself, especially when the craziness starts. My AH is not a mean drunk, but he gets depressed and then what he will do is scary. But I am not responsible for him and neither are you responsible for your AH. Please remember that. I forget that a lot! Take care of YOU. And your children. Get to meetings. It will save your life. Then what he does will fall into place, no matter what he says and does, it will be okay. You will be okay. (((HUGS)))) Please keep coming back!
Hello and welcome dawn , Please try and find time for an Al-Anon meeting for yourself , you need support from people who understand exactly how your feeling . Alcohol is running your husb life at the moment and there is nothing you can do about that . Just know that you are n ot the reason he's drinking he drinks because he has a problem period and has to blame someone else for his problem , until he says what he's doing is causing him a problem it ISN"t it's causing you a problem and Al-Anon will help . I believe this program is the only reason I was able to stay in my marriage , it got the focus off of him and put it back on me , helped me to get my life back on track , how to get happy regardless of what he was doing . I was told I was not powerful enough to make anyone drink or STOP . I had to stop taking his drinking personally and realize it had nothing to do with me . Love will not cure this disease , most alcoholics get far more love and attention than any one person deserves . When focusing on him and what he's doing we loose ourselves . I was also told that if I wanted change I had to be willing to make changes , it only takes one person to create change . we have 24 yrs of sobriety in our home today I am not sorry I stayed . This prog does not promise to save relationships but it does promise to return us to sanity .
