The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Everything was going so well. Then I slipped back into my old ways. I snooped, looking for things I already knew but didn't want to find. I snapped and started an argument. After months of doing so well, there we were right back in our old roles. I was screaming, he was threatening to go to a bar. Fortunately we both took a breath and walked away. I stopped yelling and he stayed home. And now comes the guilt, wishing I didn't blow things all out of proportion. Worrying about what will happen tomorrow. This disease, my dis-ease, is a beast. I really am starting to appreciate how difficult it is for an addict and a co-dependent to change. Progress not perfection, I know. I need to get to more meetings. I've slipped there too.
You snapped and started an argument (and he also engaged in this argument?). It takes two. Forgive yourself. Forgive him. You are climbing out of a rut that is very deep.
whats huge, though, is the awareness. When I slip back into old ways of thinking and behaving, at least now I can observe myself and be so aware that what I am doing is not healthy or helpful... then I have to do some work like call my sponsor, reach out to friends, pray, read my alanon literature. I like the saying "I just do it less" because it is progress not perfection.. but I do the things that are not helpful or healthy for me less... and for that, pure gratitude for my HP because I could not do that alone. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself, you already did the next right thing by posting here and reaching out. You are NOT alone.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Saturday 26th of October 2013 07:02:55 AM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Keep your head up Paris :) We all slip and stumble. As my dad used to tell me, if I fell off the horse I had to get up and get back on, for the both of us (horse and me ;) He said the horse needed to believe in my strength as much as I needed to believe in it too. Wow, now that I think about what my dad taught me, "horse sense" is pretty deep! :)
(((HUGS)))
I don't know if it's just me but....I cringe when I hear alanon members beating themselves up for stuff. You are dealing with a person who doesn't work, lies, throws tantrums, and is basically functioning on a 2 year old level and you are beating yourself up for snooping? Yeah, I know it's not good to snoop but I can't help but feel that coping with an active alcoholic is a day at a time struggle and you are doing LOTS better than he is from what I have heard in the past. Go easy on yourself and just keep working your program Paris. Hugs.
It isn't just you pc, I cringe, too. PM, your life will be no better or worse for what happened, just what you make it. Take you inventory, gently, and make amends. I have learned that beating myself up was an addiction of mine to keep shamed so I would tolerate crappy behavior. Crappy behavior from not just the A' s in my life. The last part of "it works if......and WE ARE WORTH IT". I have a friend that is perpetually changing the times of our coffee dates, so the other day as I was getting ready to walk out the door, she texted me to see if I could come 15 minutes later. I told her I would come another day, because when I checked in with myself to see what I was feeling; I felt devalued. She sent two texts and called to say it was fine for me to come over. I called and said, "it would be best for me to stay home right now". I will talk with her about it when I am ready. I reaffirmed that my time is important and there was no need for me to make me wrong for my behavior. Probably more than you wanted to hear...maybe it is just in my own mind this seemed appropriate...lol.
Before Al-Anon, Paris, I would assume that you kept on snapping and snooping and he went out drinking? You slipped. It happens. Guilt woke you up. You can make the amends as suggested - and to my way of thinking - you made the amends when you stopped the behavior? What I'm wondering about is what led up to the slip? Was there something going on that you want to share with us or your sponsor prior to the slip? Maybe that is what needs the attention more than the slip? Missed meetings, maybe? But, maybe not? Maybe there is something else that has been bothering you?
I say this everyday (not letting him know) I appreciate how difficult it is for an addict and a co-dependent to change! Can you imagine how hard it is for us, how it much be for any type of addict?
We all slip, it so hard not to!!! Again, I tell myself. With every action, there is a positive or negative reaction! At work, home anywhere this holds true!
Hang in there and dont be too hard on yourself.
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
