The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
With all the good things that he does, he says. "Thank you.. YOU (and this relationship) is a foundation to keep trying and doing better - I want to be your biggest hero and I cant be that to you sick".
So maybe it is because he really wants to be that person he wants to be...... Or he is doing it because I am doing it? Could it be him trying to get a reaction from me? Sure. Is he manipulating me? Maybe. Or could it be he sees I am getting better and it encourages him to get better. Like with HP and anything else I will NEVER have the answers to I let it go and let it be!
But like you say Tom, if he ends up going, it is a positive thing. And I will have NO expectations nor will I get upset if he doesnt go or goes and stops going.
-- Edited by Iwantthingsback on Friday 25th of October 2013 12:21:24 PM
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
Keep it simple....go if it works for you and ride together if it works for you. Live and let live And I want to clarify what I meant in my previous post. When I said it was laughable, I meant how we used to relate to one another.... our shenanigans with each other.
-- Edited by PP on Friday 25th of October 2013 03:58:48 PM
My A found last night my meeting for Wed at 7:30 nights highlighted.No biggy, I am not hiding this so it was on the table under our bills.He JUST text me and said he noticed there was an AA meeting at the church too, same time. He asked if I go next Wed would it be ok to go to the AA meeting while I go to my meeting to and we drive together.Or we can take separate cars whatever I want.I have not yet responded.
WHY all of a sudden does he want to go to AA?Because I found and decided to go to a meeting now he wants to???
He likes that I am involved with Al Anon (well most days he likes it LOL) so I know it isnt that he dislikes me going. He never really questions me on where I am or going or cares if I go see a friend or what not.
I dont know why I care really, I am just curious as to what you guys think and or have you experienced this?
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
It doesn't matter. You could ask him but then you would wonder if he was just stroking you. Just go with the flow and truth will be revealed to you in time. Maybe he has been thinking about it since you go and he can see changes in you.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ok.............. and you are right. it doesn't matter does it!!!! I am not going to ask, I will wait until Wed and see if he even goes. And yes, in time I will find out why.
You would think I should be happy LOL it just seems strange that's all. Your right, who cares why! THANKS
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
It is normal to questions motives. When we are not in recovery (a's and codies), we manipulate and since we are not in recovery, we don't recognize it as manipulation. My husband asked this once, too. I said whatever works for you! He did not go...it was a feeble attempt at baiting me. It is all so laughable, now.
Now if it was my A and I, I would assume he was trying to insert himself into my plans because he was uncomfortable with the level of independence I was showing. But I'm pretty cynical.
In that situation, if I wasn't happy with the idea I'd probably start asking him "so are you still coming with me on Wednesday? I'm so looking forward to it, I was thinking afterwards we could go for coffee and talk...." and then watch how quickly he backed out of the arrangement...lol but I guess that's me manipulating, isn't it.
He's curious and it's probably an open AA meeting so its not up to you and he doesn't need your permission to make his own decisions...only decision for me would be riding together cause then I might have to be there for her again. Which ever way you do it be okay with the decision and accepting of the consequence. Feedback ((((hugs))))
I guess I will wait and see what he does Wed. I think I will drive my own car, I don't think this should be an "outing" we do together LOL Either way I am going and YAY I found one I can attend - hoping it goes well, last one (they were all parents) it didn't go so well. But won't give up
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I think it sounds like a great thing, and (hopefully) some movement is afoot within him, for his own choosing of recovery.... As long as you don't tie your recovery to his, it sounds all very positive...
I like how you are framing this, even internally right now... kind of like figuring out how to (nicely and respectfully) saying to him "I am going to my meeting - if it works out for you to go to yours at the same time - great"...
Good stuff
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
there is no bad reason for an alcoholic to go to a meeting. I would not question why are not or have huge expectations of him actually getting to the meeting or going to another one but its a good thing that he's thinking about it. and yes it is possible that you modeled recovery for him by going to Alanon and you made AA seem less intimidating. that is a good thing.
I think the key is having no expectations. I have found myself, lately, wondering how many meetings my husband is getting to and wanting to encourage him to get to his meetings. Thats when I know, I need a meeting, I need to turn the focus onto me. I would say that if he decides to come with you, and in the moment you don't mind driving together, cool. I would pray about it and ask for expectations to be removed. I am now going to take my own advice. I am going to turn to my HP and pray for the removal of the character defect of wanting to control things, like how many meetings my qualifier gets to, whether or not he is on the "right track," etc etc. Whatever is, is... whatever will be, will be. Hp reveals to us what we need to see in His time. Thank you for the motivational post. There is happiness for us whether the alcoholic is drinking or not,or going to AA or not.
Michelle
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
And I want to clarify what I meant in my previous post. When I said it was laughable, I meant how we used to relate to one another.... our shenanigans with each other.
