The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Starting a new and promising relationship with a non-alcoholic. Wonderful man that I am really enjoying getting to know. He is kind, supportive, funny and very sweet. Someone that I really enjoy spending time with. I am seeing my insecurities from past relationship with my ex alcoholic husband starting to come out. How do I cope with this? Any ideas and support would be appreciated. I don't want to damage what might be the best thing to come into my life because of my past issues. I am not worried that he is a drinker, there is no concerns there at all. I just have become obsessive about everything else and while I have not shared my obsessions with him I don't know how to let go of the emotions. I divorced my alcoholic and recovered post divorce so I did not have to really have anything to do with the alcoholic anymore. There was no daily coping. I just went along with my life and really did not have to face up to anything. Now I am finding the emotions of the past are starting to really come to a head. I need to get this under control so that I don't destroy this relationship.
Congratulations for your new and exciting relationship!
Recovery is an ongoing process. Having this relationship is a wonderful opportunity to address the things that come up and to improve coping skills and consider different perspectives that give you serenity. Having an awareness of the things that need to be addressed is key.
Come back to Alanon, attend meetings, work the steps with a sponsor and watch the miracles happen. This is the best and most effective way to deal with triggers- knowing what they are, where they come from, what sets them off, and the best way to handle them... having the courage to change the things that we can.
BUD.......Come back to Alanon, attend meetings, work the steps with a sponsor and watch the miracles happen. This is the best and most effective way to deal with triggers- knowing what they are, where they come from, what sets them off, and the best way to handle them... having the courage to change the things that we can.
****************** I didn't get into any relationships until i had worked my program for several years (i was extreme abuse case) but no matter, people say that one should have at least a YEAR of extensive, thorough program under their belt b4 any relationships or major decisions...
I would work MORE on my program...get a sponsor...work the steps...get to the root of all that past stuff, get it out, deal and heal from it and move on to next issue....you need the program more, not less now.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Agreeing with the other ladies here to encourage you to get back to working your program. I have a few single young divorced friends in program and they are all in new relationships with non-alcoholics and they find staying in program helps keep them grounded. Also, the friendships and support they have in program is priceless because it's accountability for Al Anon stuff that creeps up on us. I think it's always good to throw these issues at our friends in program because it lets us know that we're not done growing, we're always working recovery, no matter what relationships we're dealing with at the time.
So happy for you to be moving on, though! One day at time!
I heard it first in program and it has always stayed with me because it is reality..."Where I go there I am" I cannot be what I am not and learning how to be honest in recovery allowed me to put the real self out front so that the surprises were minimal. We are not about perfection, never were and are not now and the people we meet and get together with are not either. Eveyone comes with a past and how much of that past is real today and what must I do for myself to be up and around it. Read the post here about the membership who make new relationships and use them to "keep an open mind" as our meeting closings states "If we keep an open mind we will find help".
Today where ever I go there I am both the old me and the recovered old me. My issues live in my memories along with the things I have learn in program that help me live in spite of my issues. Often times the truth about my issues means things I am seriously concerned about and will not surrender because I am afraid of mixed feelings in others. That for me also is part of the "serenity to accept the things I cannot/willnot change" and others with and around me will have to decide how they react or respond if they care to or not. The whole responsibility for a successful relationship isn't on me...I will accept unconditionally and be accepted unconditionally. I will change for me when necessary.
Thank you Jerry, I think that is what I needed to hear. Your words spoke to me. I need to find my serenity again and be grounded in this. I can not control this and the outcome, I need to accept it for what it is and just let it happen instead of trying to grab onto it with both hands and trying to hold on like it is a lifeline. I will open my books and start reading again, find my peace and serenity again and just be happy at where I am. He is making me happy and I should just enjoy that for what it is instead of worrying about what it is not.
