The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sounds like a lot of worrying about everyone but you. Owning other people's problems doesn't solve them and it hurts you.
And I know that sounds confrontational - BUT - this is an alanon site - Start working the program. Phoenixgirl - Please don't turn your own life to crap over other people's drama. It belongs to them and not you. It's not about you. Develop a full and rich life. That is their reality and only part of yours. I come to know these as alanon tools. Work the program and stop suffering. Please.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Thursday 24th of October 2013 05:26:29 PM
I was talking with my dad and brother yesterday and we got to discussing how my AM is sick again this year. .she's had a cold, an asthmatic episode, and she's still depressed. She tells me often that she's tired of being sick...it's no wonder that in the last few years she's had her knee replacement surgery and complications from that, she's been sick with colds etc. As her youngest daughter it kills me to see her so sick-mentally, physically and emotionally. I know it's been and continues to be very difficult on my older sister, older brother, and dad.
I think she knows why she's sick because of her drinking in the back of her mind, it makes me very sad to think that my dad who's diabetic and has a history of heart problems could outlive her. She has asthma and takes Rx medication along with daily vitamins.
I don't know what it will take for her to stop drinking. .maybe getting pulled over..my HP only knows and it's killing me to have to play this Waiting Game. .I want to cry to my AM and tell her all of what I said above, but I know it won't do any good. .so what's the point? It's nothing we haven't said before.
It makes my heart break to think that if this continues that my nephew who's 21 months old will grow up without her and I know she loves him deeply!!! I can't imagine growing up without her... it's making me cry just thinking about it.
I don't understand why we're going through this again (already been through it with my brother who's been sober for 4 years).. but the only thing I can do is to take it one day at a time and trust my HP whom I call God to help me.
I feel so sad, scared, angry at the disease not at her, embarrassed at times, ashamed, guilty, hurt, trying my best not to enable her, trying to be supportive and telling her I love her everyday which I do. I just want her to be okay and healthy again.
I sometimes wonder how I'm going to pay for school being that I'm in college for the third time...I worry about that. They said they'd help me and they have but it's something that I wonder about. I worry about my dad getting on the ACA once my AM dies...health insurance and such. I worry about my parents financial future as they don't have life insurance...They're very smart financially but with the economy and the government shutdown that didn't help the situation at all. The good news is my AM got a raise at work! So I'm praying this can be used by my HP for good.
Thank you for listening.
I find there is no hope in projecting outcomes we have no control over. I know I need to set boundaries so that I follow through and focus on me and my well being. Our worries, our fears keep us from living and enjoying the moments we have been given. Work the steps, it works when you work it. ;)
Ditto what Mari said. I've learned to ask whose business am I in when I get all nervous about stuff over which I have no control. Am I in my business? Am I in somebody else's business? Am I in HP's business? Focusing on myself and staying in the day helps relieve me often of scary thoughts and upsetting feelings. If any of what you're concerned about happens in the future - your HP will give you what you need to deal with it efficiently one day at a time. I've learned that no matter how much I worry - nothing will be prevented or happen because of it. I have spent countless hours making myself sick about future things that may or may not come to pass and missed what is happening in the now of my life with the people in it.
I'll be 65 in a few months. There are people who have openly worried about me getting sick or dying just because of my age. There have been times when I've thought or said, "Well, why don't we just dig the hole now and you can throw me in?" It's good to be aware that this disease is and can be a killer. It can and does affect families for generations. We can still learn to enjoy what is ours to enjoy in spite of it. We can still learn to love ourselves and others - even if they're sick. We get to choose. That's the beauty of freedom. The power to choose how we want to think, feel and behave with the help of Al-Anon.
