The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I had my on therapy apt last night (keep in mind this is or couple therapist as well and 25 yrs drug and alcohol therapist too) there are rules to doing this but he will see us one on one if we request this and both of us are ok with this.
Anyway, we talked last night about how frustrated I get because he isnt going to meetings or anything, you know, my turn to do the pitty potty thing. My A doesnt drink but is a dry drunk as most of you know because of all my complaining LOL. So the therapist went through our files and started asking me a list of questions.Questions on if A, B , C and if it was better.I said yes. And he went on with a few more.I said yes to a lot actually. He then said: so why are you so upset and why are you saying he isnt doing anything to address the problem? I said because he doesnt go to meetings or working the program and it makes me mad some days because it is like he doesnt care to get better. I know I am to let this all go and work my program but I struggled yesterday and didnt have a good day I remind myself, I am only human.
He explained to me a dry drunk suffers emotionally with life and in relationships which I already knew this. And by not addressing the emotional side even though he isnt drinking it is possible relapse could be coming and or he lives as a dry drunk for as long as he allows himself too.
I said I know that is why it bothers me because I dont feel he is doing anything about it. He said: If he is addressing the emotional baggage and changes his behaviors the chances of relapsing is less and less and he becomes more settled, structured in life and happier and the disease suppresses more and more.I said: OKHe said: So let me ask you again: How have things been going and are you seeing positive changes?I said: Yes things are better and yes I have seen changes. He said then he is doing something.It may not be what you want or the way you want but he is working his own program in his way and is actually being successful. In a nice professional way he said: So you really need to give him some credit and some slack.
First time in a long time I didnt have much to say LOL
He is not and I am not discounting the fact that Tom would benefit more if he went to meetings and was more active with AA because he has slipped a couple times in dry mode but that was before he was addressing the emotional aspect. Either way, meetings or not......... So I have to stop, think of the positive things that have changed not worry how they are changing and be happy he is doing something!And try to live in the moment day by day. it is WAY too easy to lose sight on things, try to take time and smell the roses!
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I agree, . Reading your message I was reminded that having" expectations of the way it should be" kept me blinded to reality . I found that the alanon tools of keeping the focus on myself was really the key. I also discovered that if I make an asset and gratitude list each day, I reinforce the reality of my life and my abilities. I then can trust HP to handle the rest.
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Life on Life's Terms is a great slogan to remember
I went to a meeting last night. It was one of the ones where the topic seemed to have submerged on its own. There were a lot of nods in agreement and chuckles of complete understanding. The topic....Control. That seems to be a very popular one. I remember one comment had struck a chord with me big time. "If they would just listen to me...then everything would be better!!!" Then we discussed how that sometimes what is best for us is not best for another. That's where I need to learn how to accept things as they are and move on. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.
My A doesnt drink but is a dry drunk as most of you know because of all my complaining LOL. So the therapist went through our files and started asking me a list of questions.