Hindsight and worthless wishes... - Al-Anon Family Group

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Hindsight and worthless wishes...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, Jerry. I appreciate reading this part of your story and the solution you've found is acceptance and being fair with yourself and the situation. Continued prayers for you and your family - actually - our family. (((J)))

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Jerry, Be kind to yourself. Even with all the power your HP has, He/She/They still can't change history. Acceptance is the key.....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Dear Jerry)))

Your honsety and humility are truly inspiring I do so understand.

Prayers and positive thoughts for your enitre family

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Jerry)))) Thank you for sharing; the disease is so powerful, cunning, and baffling. No matter how much we try and convince ourselves otherwise, we only have the present moment. You are working it and so worth it! Please be good to you and forgive yourself. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry, thank you for sharing that. I recite the acceptance prayer on a daily basis these days as the disease takes hold in my AH's life more so each day. Prayers and I'm lifting you up in my thoughts today! HUGS!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry thank for such an honest share. Im sorry this is back again within your family. Forgive yourself. It's so important. I love your attitude. Keep setting that great example.x

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for sharing your inventory, your process, our wisdom and the wisdom of your sponsors. It enriches my recovery. Prayers for all of you, especially your son.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending prayers Jerry and massive ((((((hugs)))))))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry

I just wanted to add that Hindsight is wonderful but it is "HIND SIGHT ". I too have reviewed the past and found actions that I could have/ should have not done, done differently or done better.

Years ago drinking was not recognized as the danger that it is today. When I knew better I did better. So did you.

Continued prayers

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks for sharing (((jerry)))) Keep looking up and reaching out. Prayers for you and your family. TT

Mari1978 · Senior Member

(((Jerry)))

You did the best you knew how at the time. I have tried on occasion to state this to my parents as well as my A's parents and my X A's mother.
After the meeting with a social worker last night I also said this to my A. We stumble, we fall, but what matters is what we do after. Your recovery is all your kids need from you. You have the ability to shine a light in the right direction. So if they may fall, which they might, they have that light already lit. As is true for myself. He may not choose recovery. I choose recovery. Not because of what my parents did when I was a child but because of what I know now. This is my God's will for me. I need to trust it.

I have found the gift of Al anon.

Thank you Jerry for sharing. I have learned so much through so many life experiences on here. I have not enough words to express my gratitude to you all.

Much support and love
M

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

(((( Jerry ))))

You are much loved here and what happen long ago in the height of your disease was what you didn't know at the time. Many crazy and not knowing things happen to us for much of our lives. What we do is that knowing now what we know we learn, heal and move to make it better.

You have arrested this disease for yourself and your son can do the same. He can have God in his life and give himself a life without alcohol if he so chooses. That we know now.

Prayers are with your son and family that they may find God someday

Love support here always my friend...you are not alone

Rose50 · Senior Member

((Jerry))

I remember you were the 1st to reach out to me when I posted here a couple of years ago. I can't tell you how helpful your ESH was to me at that time and now.

Prayers to you and your son. You are not alone.

((hugs))

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

You were the first to reach out to me too, and I find your honesty and beautiful expression inspiring also.

((Jerry))

Tasha · Senior Member

Awe Jerry - my Dad did the same thing. I was drinking every night to sleep by age 2 and on to about 8 or nine when the 'this is your brain on drugs' with a fried egg commercial got on tv and my mom told me that included alcohol, and she started alanon that year :)

If there is a destined stop time - I know because my start was earlier - my stop could be too. So I'm grateful for all of it. Really - I am. It has shaped me into who I am today and I know how to love who I am today because of recovery and HP and you too.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The listening is helpful and then the work will begin. ((((hugs))))

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Parent or not, our children will have to follow their own path and learn their lessons, just like we did. Just like you did.

You are the tree, do not bend, you are the rock , do not fall , they are the reflection. They are watching, even in their despair and suffering, they will know the way. You will show them by example.

You will light the way!

Hugs, Bettina

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok Jerry first of all the disease got them started not you. I know the person you are and you would never do that.

we are not responsible for others using. He was predisposed to being A. Could have been pain pills or alcohol in cough syrup that woke up those genes.

All we can do with our children is love them, yes tough love too.

I only know I love you Jer and have always respected you. debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My family didn't drink and didn't give alcohol to children. I didn't drink and didn't give alcohol to my children. Alcoholism still was operative in our families. Out of 9 siblings - 7 or 8 drink heavily. Neither of my parents drank - anything. My children - 1 out of 2 drink to excess. Although giving alcohol to children is not something that happened for me nor did I do it - alcoholism still took top billing in our lives. The truth of the 3cs plays itself out in my family of origin and my family of creation. What came first? The disease or the drink? Even if you hadn't given your son beer, the disease may have very well led him straight to it at a neighbor's house, a family member's house or elsewhere? I also took my kids to Alatot, Alateen, therapists and I did Alanon, CODA and therapists, too - and still - the disease had its way with us. We're just not in control, Jerry. We're also not to blame. We just have to deal with the cards we are all dealt the best way we can.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 25th of October 2013 07:58:59 AM

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry..sorry to read the disease is once again active in your son

I hate this disease so much.

Here in Scotland, certainly in my parents and grandparents generation, it was (and maybe still is, I don't know) a normal thing to put a 'wee nip of whisky' in the baby's bottle to give everyone a quiet nightI remember being given a hot toddy (a nip of whisky, hot water and sugar) if I had a cold or flu.to this day I hate the smell & taste of whisky..( I know..I'm a shocking advert for Scotland wink )!

They also didn't know, and didn't know that they didn't know

No one new this could trigger a disease

We know now but we are still powerless over other's choices and behaviours.

I look at my darling little grand-daughter with the disease active in her Father (his Father died of it and his Mother is active) and the loss of her uncle (my son) to it..she has it coming at her from both sides .. One thing Alanon has taught me is not to project and stay in the day.

With the death of my son I can easily slip into the 'what if's' we are only human and can easily be weakened by this diseaseI need to keep my Alanon journey going a day at a time and remember the 3 C's.

Much love across the miles to you and yours

(((((Ness))))

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Ness for the history information...I also remember those days of using alcohol to aid sleep or cure gum pains and more. Recently anthropologists have discovered a child sacraficial site which is very very very old and in analysis they found traces of alcohol and drugs in the air of the children. I've known from college studies that alcoholism predates the life of the Christ by thousands of years and from that have arrived at the belief that we are truely "altered" humans from birth. I keep remembering that each and every time I am introduces to a "new" story about alcoholism in a family member or friend. ((((hugs)))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.