The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you for taking the time to share with such honesty and clarity.Your glancing back at your past , seeing the patterns and the disconnects is important to recovery. How wise of you to know to look back, to see and understand your patterns, but not to blame or judge others. Your growth is spectacular and it is obvious HP is guiding your recovery
. As for shame This is a very understandable feeling and one all identify with. This feeling tells us we are not enough and do not belong and are bad. Sharing at alanon meetings, releases this shame because we find we are much like others and are very human. It also developed because we were isolating, and not participating It is at alanon meetings that I learned to connect with others by identifying with what they shared, and then having the courage to share my deep dark secrets. When I shared I found that I was not that different from others The shame I felt was normal for people who have lived with the disease. Sharing lifts the shame because we see we are human and we are ok .
As for your children They will learn new behaviors from you Discuss things with them lead by example, and you will be fine
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 22nd of October 2013 06:50:32 AM
I see my my unhealthy ways more today because I'm in myself today and see how easy it has taken control over my daily routine . Why I have this need to know thing going on . It's so hard to live in the moment when you been always told to look a head . I finally see my parent who have past on and I love so much , even thought they didn't raise me the way I should of been raised with love and hugs and acceptance and its ok to exspress and show your feelings . I think my life would be manager able today with the Drink being involved or not . I would of had a better foundation to rely on. I can't change my past life I understand that they only taught me what they learned from there mom and dad .
I sure I'm way off the beating track here . I'm sad and Lonly and feel I was cheated out of being a kid not having friends or doing any after school activitys I went straight into co dependent behavior almost like that was why I was born . I see how far it has taken me , it took me where I didn't have a choice to go , I went straight for the drink . I never seen me as a active drink ire and I never realized that being married to one would make me feel drunk. All I know is that I love my children and I get up everyday to let them know they are loved and it ok to show there feelings our house is sick ! From alcohol but it's not a shameful home . We have nothing to be a shamed of . I'm sure 2 hours down the street or next street over family's are dealing with the same disease . It's not like we are the first to live in this and we didn't chose it but we have to learn to accept it for what it is and not hide any shame . I wrote down the word shame and what it means . today is something I'm going to work on and that's stop blaming shame on my current problem just when I thought I had nothing else to point a finger on till I found shame to blame for my ignorance . I am so wiling and eager to get educated on how to live a simpler life one day at a time and live in that moment of peace and show my children we can recover from this disease called alcoholism . But it takes a whole family to want to do this . To battle this illness we all have to get aware of its and understand it's not all there dads fault . Yes he did chose to drink did he think that it would consume him and ruined his life along with our . I don't believe so . so I need to start looking at life on life's terms and teach my children of self awareness. on how to live with sobriety . I told them I can't hea by myself it takes a team effort and the willing to change our way of thinking if we want to keep this family together . We do not need to feel shameful for things we have no part in doing . I'm sure I just confused every one by my brain wave that only seams to work late at night . I love you all for helping me and guiding me thru this .
I recognise that path you are on and it is wonderful to see.
I too was raised to think of others and I struggled with some confusion over the idea that one could give too much. I struggled with the idea that I should perhaps give that up.
Why did I struggle? Because I liked that part of me. I felt good when I was giving. So it got me to thinking that perhaps I just needed to be more discerning about what/who I gave to, and how much I gave. I did not need to give everyone everything I had (how exhausting is that - for all concerned!!)
I needed to learn my limits, to recognise when I was giving too much because when I grew tired I was also allowing resentment to creep in. And that lead to the road to guilt. I think that there is a balance where there has to be something in it for me. Because I like to give I protect my own energy levels these days. That way I still have something left for another day.
Giving is part of how I see myself. I quite like that aspect of who I am! So my choice is to continue to be a giver and I'm ok with that. I can really appreciate these lessons that are teaching me to live in a healthier way. I wish I had not been so stubborn about it though because perhaps the lessons did not need to be as painful as they were - hey ho, life lessons keep repeating until we get it!
I am learning to choose my 'causes' and to listen to my inner voice which tells me what I need in return. (I never knew that I actually needed something in return before - I used to think that was up to others to decide!!!)
One of the things that I have needed over the past couple of years, and I never knew before, is that I need to accept my own forgiveness as well and not to feel guilty when I say no. So these days part of giving involves giving to myself as well as to others. Old habits die hard.
Another english saying of 'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater' has helped me to question my thinking and to listen to my feelings before I launch into the next crusade!
But please forgive me, I suspect that shall always be a crusader!
I see my my unhealthy ways more today because I'm in myself today and see how easy it has taken control over my daily routine . Why I have this need to know thing going on . It's so hard to live in the moment when you been always told to look a head . I finally see my parent who have past on and I love so much , even thought they didn't raise me the way I should of been raised with love and hugs and acceptance and its ok to exspress and show your feelings . I think my life would be manager able today with the Drink being involved or not . I would of had a better foundation to rely on. I can't change my past life I understand that they only taught me what they learned from there mom and dad . 